"My name is Kevin and I'm an Ex Mormon"






I became a Mormon zealot at the age of 19, while on an LDS mission. My own thoughts were subjugated to those of "the Brethren." I became convinced that the way to love God, myself and my fellow man was to follow the prophet faithfully and work hard to save the non-Mormons from their misery. I continued in this state until I hit a wall at age 33. I had been married for 10 years with 5 kids and one on the way. I was both a Ward Mission Leader and a Den Leader at the time. I was maxed out and miserable in just about every area of my life. My marriage was struggling, my relationship with my children was deteriorating, and financial pressures were mounting. I'd always been an avid temple goer, genealogy researcher, scripture reader, tithing payer, home teacher, family home evening holder and on and on. I lived the Mormon "Gospel." The peace of mind that the scriptures promised to the Believers, however, wasn't there and it was getting worse by the day.

I soon lost my desire to attend Church, but was far too committed and afraid to not. For several years I continued to live by Church teachings and pray that I would get my testimony back. Then one day the Stake President asked me to be the new High Counselor. "At last," I thought, "my prayers have been answered! While serving in this new calling I'll certainly regain my testimony." Serve I did, faithfully for the entire three year rotation. When I was released, however, it was clearer to me than ever that I and the Church were on two completely different wavelengths. I saw suffering throughout our Stake, people feeling alone, unloved and unsupported. I had worked to do something about it for years. This desire, however, didn't seem to be one that was shared by my fellow leaders. Our mandate was to preach obedience. From the reports the Stake President would give, upon returning from training meetings with Apostles and other General Authorities, it was obvious that preaching obedience was what they wanted as well. The mantra seemed to be, "If everyone would just follow the rules, everyone will be happy." Well, I did and I was miserable. My neighbors seemed pretty good at being obedient, as well, and they didn't seem too happy either.

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Views: 356

Comment by David Chance on July 16, 2011 at 5:11pm
 Way to go Kevin.I felt the same way about helping others because when I left there was no group to discuss your fears and feelings,so ths is great,enjoy the rest of your life.The one thing I realized is that you cant blame anyone for your up bringing, our parents did what they thought was best.But what we learn is by being in a box mindset wise we were sheltered from having an opinion,all the things you learned will make you who you are from here on out and makes you a stronger person.You tend to look at things in life totally different than someone who hasnt gone threw what we have.Congradulations and enjoy the freedom,and live in Peace.. 
Comment by Idaho Spud on July 17, 2011 at 6:33am
Comment by Debrauk on July 18, 2011 at 11:23am
wow this is exactly how i was feeling just a few weeks ago before my husband and i decided to leave the church after  35 years. i'm getting there.....


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