So i play video games with my anti freind and this is what happens..

Ok long story short,

  • Dude goes inactive
  • Rumors he is anti
  •  intend on bringing him back
  • I incidentally read advanced church history
  • I think about anti friend
  • I invite him over to chat about what i found out and he is grateful(becasue he was threatened with divorce if he talked to anyone about what he knew, it''d been over a year for him to have utterly no one to chat with about this thing) my heart went out to him
  • Turns out we strike up a freindship and support for eachother
  • His wife hates it and stages a "dinner hangout session" with us, we have them over and refuse to discuss the church
  • All is well, a week later i go to my friends house to play games, his wife "overhears" us talking about the church a couple times

Below is her letter to me the following day:

 

Texas dave,
Since your mutual questioning of faith seems to be creating a frienship between my husband and yourself, I think it's best to make my feelings totally clear. I can't expect you to know that my husbands loss of faith has been extremely painful for me, but I'm letting you know now that it has been and is something I'm extraordinarily sensitive to. I believe that he has expressed to you previoulsy that our differences in ideology have been a challenge for us, as well as I have expressed to Lea that I can't say "I liked" you reaching out to him to discuss your disaffection with the Gospel in the first place, so at the same time, it shouldn't be a surprise to know it makes me feel very uncomfortable. It would be totally unreasonable for me to dictate who my husband associates with and what he discusses, and I won't do that. However, I felt that it was inconsiderate and disrespectful for the two of you to discuss this in my home, while I'm here and, being no dummy, know exactly what's being discussed. It made me feel uneasy in my own home and that upset me.
I once was a visiting teacher to a woman who's husband had ill feelings towards the church. He was often home when I made my visits. While I always made sure to visit her, I NEVER gave a gospel discussion while he was around because I wanted to be respectful of his comfort level and be considerate of his feelings, especially since I was a guest in his home. To bring up a gospel discussion would have been rude and unkind and would have likely caused an argument between this sister and her husband. Please give me the same consideration and sensitivity.
I understand that the majority of responsibility lies with my husband to know my boundries and be respectful to what I'm comfortable with and I have already discussed with him my hurt feelings. But since he indicated that you were the one to bring up the topic and that he wasn't aware beforehand that you would do so, I thought it would be helpful to you to also be clear as to what my boundries are.
I appreciate that you and Lea invited us into your home and were very gracious to us during our visit. I don't intend to harbor negative feelings towards you. I realize that you may think I'm overreacting a bit, and that may be the case, but if I am it's because the pain of my situation is so deep that my reactions are in accordance to my affliction.
I don’t know how often you get on here so I’m sending this message to Lea also to ensure that you receive it, and it’s probably not a bad idea that she understand my position as well.
Thank you, Tasha

Views: 170

Comment by MikeUtah on September 20, 2012 at 4:21pm
You may want to change the name to preserve anonymity. That said, I think she is a but passive aggressive telling you this in an email instead of communicating directly or just talking to her husband. Weird.
Comment by loveslabourslost on September 26, 2012 at 6:26pm

I agree with Micah. But also, she didn't really say you couldn't be friends. She just doesn't want to be around to hear it. 

Comment by Sari on September 27, 2012 at 12:28pm

I understand her request, it is a fair request, a bit naive on her part, but not irrational. Most likely she is doing as I have done when I was in a desperate situation with my ex-husband, and trying to block the reality of what is going on hoping it will go away.

Comment by Vasalissa on October 1, 2012 at 5:00pm

Sounds like a perfect excuse for you to either start inviting him over to your place to play games, or (gasp) find a place where you can go out for a beer and chat.  She doesn't want you to talk about it in her house?  Fine. 

Personally, I'd tell her you found out he was questioning first.  Lay it out politely.  I'm wondering how this will play out...

Comment by Bar Kokhba on November 14, 2012 at 9:41am

Dave,

I'm a bit late reading this, but still want to weigh on on the subject.  I think your friends e-mail was well reasoned, polite and should have been respected.  I expect people to show respect for my beliefs and I try to do the same with them.  In her case, she finds it disturbing to hear you and her husband trash something she holds sacred.  She also has to deal with the reality that the person she picked to be a Mormon with is now taking a different path. She would of course see that as a betrayal of trust. It would be to her almost like watching her husband have an affair in front of her.  

As far as writing instead of talking to you, I also think she wanted to weigh her words and not turn it into an argment. I also suspect that you interupt a lot, and by writing she is able to calmly and carefully make her case and not be offensive. 

As you know, I support you 100 percent.  Good luck to you and your wife, I know you have a difficult road ahead.

Devil Bar Kokhba

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