Post-Mormon Relationships - AAAARRRRG

Does anyone have any experience of it taking time to adjust to new mindset and form new relationships after leaving Mormonism? It seems that patterns have a tendency of recurring (or swinging to an opposite extreme - e.g. reacting to something rather than setting one's own course) prior to settling into a healthy, balanced middle-ground.

Difficult to relate to Mormons fully because I don't share their foundational beliefs and even harder to relate to non-Mormons who can't relate to the first 38 years of my life and the difficulties of making a transition out of Mormonism. The Christians around me are very supportive of the new direction I'm looking to take in the next half of my life, but don't fully understand where I am coming from and what things are helpful vs unhelpful to me.

Any of this sound familiar? I am guessing that I am going through a process that many others have experienced but that 'going it alone' isn't necessarily the best way... 

Views: 205

Comment by Elina on April 24, 2014 at 10:13pm

I understand completely. I am one that still holds to some of the fundamental beliefs of the Mormon church and disagree with many more. I describe myself as a "recovering Mormon" and find that I feel very new and uneducated in the world of religion (for example, I have no idea what some of the "holy" days leading up to Easter are). I have been to churches that judged me and churches that wanted to convert me. I finally found a church with a pastor who is open and understanding.

I got kind of lucky in the man I married. He is agnostic, but is very understanding and supportive. We have had several open discussions about Mormon beliefs vs other beliefs in the world. There are many times when he just doesn't get it. I think that sometimes you have to figure out your own mind and heart before you can move forward and find someone to share your path with.

I wish you all of the luck in the world.

Comment by Sarah.J on April 25, 2014 at 12:27am

Hi David, I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. It has been a theme in my life for many years, particularly when my daughter was still in school because I had to try and fit in with the other mums. It was like being "in the world but not of it" no matter which way I went, in or out of the church.

You know what, I had been out of the church maybe 10 years before it really dawned on me that no-one else thought of Satan as Jesus's brother lol Just goes to show I was so living on another planet even though I never believed any of it, it still influenced my world view in some way. 

Comment by CaliD_11 on April 25, 2014 at 8:07am
Hi David, Yes, I absolutely relate to where you are coming from. Trying to have any conversation with an active LDS member and explaining that you have doubts or don't feel so spiritual, etc., they have no concept or understanding of what you are saying to them, and they don't want to try to understand. I found that while non-members might not relate to you as directly, they are more accepting and supportive of your views and differences and willing to talk about it and want to know more. I never found anyone active in the church willing to discuss my doubts or questions. They always told me to pray and I would feel the spirit and know the church was true.

I do think once you have found your path and know where you stand with your personal beliefs, it makes it easier to explain this is where I'm coming from (the past 30+ years as a Mormon), this is why I've chosen a new direction and this is where I feel I'm headed.
Comment by David Hanton on April 26, 2014 at 7:46am

I've been out of the Mormon church for nearly 1 year and it has felt like a fairly lonely transition. 

Comment by Sarah.J on April 26, 2014 at 8:13am

Were you born into the church? I joined with my parents when I was 10 so I felt like I was raised in the church, but as my parents were converts we always had friends outside of the church. I think it would be much more challenging to leave for those whose whole lives were invested in mormonism though. Is that the case for you?

Comment by CaliD_11 on April 26, 2014 at 10:25am
I think it must be more challenging when you are more fully invested in the church with friends, etc. I always had more non-member friends, and never really felt like I fit in with the Morm women, especially being a single mom. It's not like any Sunday conversations were ever about anything pertaining to real life. It was always superficial, Sunday Mormon small talk.

Maybe try some meetup groups, get yourself out there to meet people. Are you in a career that you can get to know co-workers? A lot of big companies have groups/clubs with hobby interests, sports that you can check out? Do you go to another church? That's a great way to meet people as well. You can always chat with us.

It is lonely at times, it's a huge life change! Hang in there! We are here to help!


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