The other day while I was at work a family member of my patient said
this to me. "Not that I need to know, but are you LDS?" My reply was ..
"Well, I don't know. (Pause) I used to be." To which she began to
ramble on about on well we love you anyway, and started to share a story
about a friend of hers that isn't LDS or Mormon, and how much she loved
her "anyway" too...WTF!!! I was annoyed. Really, I've had a lot of
people ask me that question, but I've never had a person react like that
to my reply.
I've been wondering, if maybe I was the problem because I really haven't
figured out how to answer that question anymore. I used to say yes,
because I was a TBM. Then I was inactive so I'd still say yes, and
occasionally move on to more conversation about the Mormon church and
why I was inactive, if I was so inclined. Now that I am considering
resigning my membership in the church it feels hypocritical to say yes,
even though officially I am still a member.
That is one of the biggest reasons I want to resign, well other than not
believing it anymore, DUH. I can't not believe in the church, and
still say I am a member. Hypocrisy is the biggest turn off for me. I
have never wanted to BE someone on the outside, when on the inside I am
thinking and feeling something totally different. In fact, I'm sure
that pretending to be the person I wasn't played a huge part in my
divorce, and frankly in the relationship I had with my ex's family. I
just refused to pretend that my shit didn't stink in front of them and
it just didn't jive well.
I don't ask people what religion they are. I have a friend that had
moved to Utah, from the North East. Her name is Mary and she was of a
faith other than the predominant one here. One day she and I were
chatting after the city celebration parade, and the Mormon missionaries
came up behind us. They boldly asked us, "Are you members of the
church?" I said I was, because at the time I was TBM, but Mary's
response was classic and it was the best example I have ever seen of
showing a person how offensive it was to her to be asked that question.
She turned to the young elders and said, "Which Church are you asking
me about? I do belong to a church, and if you want to know I am
Lutheran and I attend that church down the road. When you blindly ask
if I am a member of "the church" you must state which church or religion
that is, because there are hundreds of churches and religions in the
world, young men." I was clapping inside and smiling on the
outside...way to go Mary!!
Even though I was TBM, my life has always been filled with people from
all walks of life. I may have shared my story about being 5 and asking
my mom to go to catechism with my other 5 year old friend, but I'm
sharing it again because it really shaped a part of who I am and why I
have always "tried" to be open to everyone. So like I said when I was 5
I had a friend, and at that time of my life friends were hard to come
by. I was sure it was because I was a Mormon living in Montana, but
that's never been proven. My friend invited me to catechism, and not
caring or know what catechism was I innocently asked my mom if I could
go with my friend to it. Her response was, "No, you can't go, but you
are welcome to invite her to Primary with us." My 5 year old mind was
confused. Huh? Why? I just wanted to be with my friend. As I remember
there was some discussion later in the evening as to why, but I don't
have those details memorized, so I'll skip that. So there you go my
first lesson on hypocrisy. I experienced a few more of these lessons in
my life but that is the one I remember being first. Because of that
experience I make sure that people know I have no judgment for what they
believe and that I am interested in learning more about it, if they are
willing to share.
I mentioned living in Montana when I was 5, and I have lived in a lot of
other places that were not predominately Mormon, so I know what it
feels like to be the odd man out, so to speak. I learned to grab a
friend when a friend was willing. I didn't care what religion they
were, or what color their skin was, or how much money their parents
made. In fact I grew up around a lot of people with money and it didn't
make then any nicer than anyone else. As I have grown in to an adult I
have learned to embrace all the differences around me even more and
love them. I even embrace the religion I am leaving because it has
taught me many of the lessons of my life, and I would not be who I am
with out it. BUT PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT SAY
YOU LOVE ME "ANYWAY" WHEN YOU FIND OUT I AM NOT A MEMBER OF "THE
CHURCH"... Amen..?

Views: 26

Comment by camianders on November 3, 2010 at 8:13pm
Amen!
Comment by camianders on November 4, 2010 at 6:08pm
I have a patient who is always trying to bring me back to 'the fold'. As long as I've worked there (over 6 years now) he mentions it every time (and he's in every 2 months). Today, for the first time ever, he didn't mention it. He's pretty high up (higher than SP, but not quite sure of his position) in tssc and I wonder if he's gotten word of my resignation. I thought it odd that this nice, quaint gentleman who always makes time to talk with me was somewhat curt and to the point today. Maybe I'm being paranoid. I'll have to see how he is at his next appointment.


It's weird how with TBMs, it's all or nothing.
Comment by Pixie on November 4, 2010 at 8:41pm
Hey Mindy, I really relate to what you're saying about "loving you anyway". When I told my "best friend" I had left the church (I think another friend had already blabbed it) her response was: "I will love you anyway because I promised Heavenly Father I would." WTF? Well, golly jeepers...doesn't *that* just make me feel all warm 'n fuzzy?!?! But has she kept in touch? Nope. So, how exactly does that define loving me "anyway"? (and as far as her "promise" to HF? pfffffft).
Comment by Dan on November 5, 2010 at 8:26pm
I do not know what you are now. Nor do I care what you are. I am an atheist but I love you any way LOL Sorry but I could not resist. I am fortunate living in Toronto, perhaps the most racially diverse city in the world. At one time in a congregation of about 100, we had people from every continent in the world. If I get hit with a religious question I tell them I am an atheist and after taking biblical studies at university for the last 6 years I can defend my position easily.
Comment by Don on November 6, 2010 at 9:49pm
Sometimes people are so, ...human. They say things, say the wrong things, and we look at the words and miss the message. I just ignore stupid people. That "anyway" is offensive.
I were giving them an IV I'd tell them, well, I'm going to give you the proper IV, .....anyway. Stupid judgmental monkeys. Changos ignorante!!

Do
Comment by Steve Skinner on November 28, 2010 at 5:59am
That is one thing that I have come to dislike about religious people is that they always think that they are right. Maybe think is not correct? I guess they "know" that they are right. And so if you believe differently then you are just wrong and don't know any better. Or maybe many of us here should "know better".

I have decided to say that I am agnostic or a weak atheist.(atheist just has so much baggage with it and there are so many different definitions). The local missionaries came to visit me last spring to try and reactivate us. I just was blunt with them and told them that I saw no evidence of God etc. and that I didn't believe in God. I did say that it is possible that I could be wrong but that I would have to receive some sort of vision or experience to change my views. I told them that I had lived by faith for years and that I couldn't keep investing so much in something that I didn't know was true. They seemed a bit shocked but came back a few more times. Then they asked me to listen to the conference talk by Holland that he gave last year(the one that upset everyone). I had heard it before but I listened again to refresh my memory. When they came next time I let them have it and was very blunt about how offensive and degrading I felt the talk was to nonbelievers. Then didn't come again.
Comment by Don on December 30, 2010 at 10:02pm

I have friends,good friends, that do me the same way.  Their heart is in the right place, but it is offensive to treat me as if I am a red headed step child.  The red headed part is true, but the step child is up for debate :)

 

They do not mean to be offensive, but to me, they are extremely offensive.  They cannot see me past their mold and identifier.  That shows me their inability to look at me as a person with my own mind, views, and opinions.  I can see, think and do as I wish, as long as it is their way.  ..they can keep it.

 

They mean well,but it is about like telling a midget that you love them, ...anyway.  PALEEZE!!

 

Don 

Comment by mistyjune on April 4, 2011 at 2:53am
haha My kids have a book called "Olivia". She's a pig. She is extremely active. At the end of the book her mom is putting her to bed and says "you wear me out, but I love you anyway" and Olivia responds with "I love you anyway too mommy".

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