Celebrating the Commencement of Authentic Living
Our Stories
Community Links
Top Content This Week
Videos
We are an online social community of former mormons, ex-mormons, ex-LDS and sympathizers. Stay C.A.L.M. - Community After Leaving Mormonism
My moral dilemma
IT's been about 10 years since I decided to walk away from mormonism. However, it was long before than the doubting and questioning began. I was born in the church and was the center of my early years. I was conditioned and educated to be a TBM. I even read the BoM befor I was baptised at age 8, a the same time I was learning about the native peoples of the Americas in School. The facts never matched and I had trouble believeing th BoM stories, although it had great adventures and courageous warfare!
After I walked away from mormonism and moved out of my parents house at age 23 I was lost and confused. All I wanted was to live in the real world and be left alone by all the brainwashing and mind control of the morgs. I partied hard and slept around, although I've always considered my self a good person.
Lately I've been having trouble deciding what course to give to my life. I've been in a stable relationship for about five years and my family -all TBM- are already asking when the wedding will be. My partner and I recently went through a rough stage in our relationship and I'm not really sure if I should stay with her...
The dilemma is this:
I have always been an adventurous man. Very curious but a little shy and very introverted. Growing up mormon I was conditioned in many ways regarding good-bad choices and the values and parameters by which we judge people and the world. When I walked away from the church I was confused and with a blurred mind. All I knew was it was all lies and I didn't want anything to do with it. I became attached to the phrase "believe in nothing" and I still don't know exactly what my beliefs are. I've had libertine relationships and cheated several times on gf's, I honestly don't know how to set boundaries and become attached quite easily. I have two sides of my personality which can be quite contradictory, I believe as a result of my conditioning growing up in the church.
In my last relationship I nurtured one part of this split personality and was a good person/boyfriend most of the time, while i would still let out others part of my self when she was not around. This escalated until i could no longer deal with it after she told me she was moving to a different city to get a job, while I was committed to a doctoral project already... After much back and forth she's got a job and a nice middle-class life. I'm about to move to the same city to start a different doctoral project.
I don't know if I should work on this relationship or just move on with my life, following my instincts and still looking for adventures. Or maybe I should settle and be a good hard-working citizen and please everyone while still feeling like I haven't completely recovered from my conditioning by the morg...
Views: 125
-
Comment by MikeUtah on January 25, 2012 at 12:30pm -
Perhaps it's time to do some heavy introspection and decide what it is that you want out of life. Have you had enough adventuring and free spirit experiences? Would settling down provide feelings of security and normalcy, or that of being trapped and stuck? Risks and benefits of both paths should also be weighed to help determine which course of action provides what it is you are looking for. Hope these thoughts help. Good luck!
-
Comment by PhiloSophia on January 26, 2012 at 10:52pm -
If I may be blunt, I think committing yourself to a relationship is the WORST decision you can do right now, because based on what you've shared, you don't seem to have any idea who you are -- and that's okay. Your girlfriend seems to know what she wants, and if you are not on the same track she is, love her enough to let her go an pursue the life she wants. If it so happens with time you've figured yourself out and she's available, and interested, then you're both ready to be in a long term, serious relationship.
Regarding other matters -- I would keep exploring lots of ideas from thinkers around the world (or within your world =] ), and experience friendships with whomever peaks your interest. Some may challenge you in ways you've never expected, some you may wish you've never met - those are the risks of letting people in.
Another suggestion to consider is thinking about the kind of life you want, and consider what kind of person you would need to be to get it. Just a few thoughts.
Life can be scary, especially when you feel you have no "grounding". Most of us, if we remain honest with ourselves and exercise the bravery to be willing to do to get the life we want, we figure out "our way".
-
Comment by PhiloSophia on January 26, 2012 at 10:52pm
-
I wish you lots of luck!
-
Comment by Cathy on February 2, 2012 at 10:58am -
I am 50 years old and out of the church 8 weeks. I am grieving today for my loss. I do feel free to do what I want to do and I know the church isn't true and I can't go back, but I want to know what to do with the rest of my life. I don't know how long it will take for me to figure it out. So I feel your pain, Laminita2000. I understand how many of us are going through this and wonder what to do next.
Comment
© 2012 Created by MikeUtah.
You need to be a member of Life After Mormonism to add comments!
Join Life After Mormonism