I envy those who have another in their life. Ones that are close by, to love, hold, and be with. My heart cannot stand it, and I wonder about death.

My girlfriend is far away, and I am alone. My sister is far away, and I am doubly alone. I'm empty, dead, forever alone. I am without comfort, save for the little messages I get from my sister. She's trying her best, by sending virtual "hugs", but those don't work.

I want to have REAL comfort. I need to be held, to be loved. No one cares, though, so why should I bother? Everyone will just look at me and not help. I'll have no comfort, no hugs, no love, in the end.

The most I'll gain is sympathy from the lot, then dismissal as everyone returns to their lives. Whereas I'll be in the Suicide Booth at the hospital, and have cameras watch me for 24hrs.

This is my Cry For Help, but you don't care, so why should I? You'll think its a game, while my mind becomes lost, and my body withers to nothing.

Views: 211

Comment by Mimosa on January 15, 2012 at 1:58am

Oh God, Thinker, I'm so sorry.  The pain I feel in your words just breaks my heart.  We all have hard times and I'm sure most here can relate, but please hang on until it gets better.  You are too lonely to go on?  You have a girlfriend and family, please try to find a way to be with them.  People are what matters in this cold world, so move heaven and hell to find a way to make it happen, it sounds like your life depends on it.  You are a smart, capable man, you can find a way to make this possible!  Sending love because I know you need it.  <3

 

Comment by Dan on January 15, 2012 at 9:43am

Thank you for expressing your feelings. No one can help if you remained silent. It is comforting to feel loved but it is just as comforting to give love, or a helping hand. Who are your friends? Most likely those to whom you have shown compassion and have somehow brought a little sunshine in to their life. They are your friend because you did something nice. So look for something you can do for someone new. Take them to dinner, a movie, volunteer your services at a shelter, or be a big brother. There are lots of opportunities to share your talents. They may not become a friend but you have the satisfaction that you provided a helping hand. When we concentrate on ourselves we look inward and risk becoming smaller and smaller as our problems seem to become insurmountable. As we look out ward our capacities expend to fill others’ lives and those opportunities fill ours. I went to see a 92 old entertainer I used to work with last week. He did not really remember me (dementia) but was happy that I remembered him and asked if I would come back. He will not remember but I will and it is important to both of us that I could bring a smile to his face.Good luck in giving and recieving love.

Comment by MikeUtah on January 15, 2012 at 10:49am

AThinker, I feel your pain and hope you will reach out to resources or people near you for help.  It's difficult to convey much compassion in words only.  One of the wisest things I've read in my journey outside of Mormonism is, "You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with," -Wayne W. Dyer

There is one person who is always there to comfort you, and that is you.  You can hug yourself, you can say "I love myself, just as I am".  You can repeat other affirmations that help you feel good about yourself, "I am a good person; I am kind to others; I am loved".  You can come up with any such affirmations as you will.

Comment by Ed Wise on January 15, 2012 at 11:44am

AThinker, I remember so clearly the kind of pain you are having.  MikeUtah's quote from Dr. Dyer (above) is wonderful.  Also, I echo Dan's advice (also above). I spent the years between 1999 and 2004 learning how to enjoy my own company as a single person (after 3 marriages which all ended in divorce).  Ultimately, I found that I really enjoyed cooking for myself, going to the movies by myself and, generally, just becoming the kind of person I wanted to hang out with, i.e., becoming my own best friend.  I had a wonderful therapist from '99 'til 2001 who helped me along this journey.  Above all, my friend, feelings a.) are not facts and b.) are temporary.  Right now, at this very moment, you have an opportunity before you for personal growth like you've never experienced.  I hope you will seize it and move forward into your authentic, wonderful self.  Good luck and keep coming around... there's a world of help and love here.

Comment by DFRV on January 15, 2012 at 12:33pm

It is really hard to overcome loneliness.  I live with my parents so I have them around but sometimes I long to have friends to spend time with as well.  The one close friend I did have in the area I live just moved out of state.  Sometimes I just feel hopeless that I can ever be close to people but it is important to not give up.  There are people who love you and care about you even if they are far away.

Comment by Zman on January 25, 2012 at 10:21pm

I understand how you feel.... all my family is thousands of miles away out of the country. One person in a town of nearly one and a half million know me(on a name basis outside work-my roommate)  My kids are growing up in my remarried out of state ex wife's home... I miss my culture.. I miss my identity of what I was before mormonism.... I miss being a full time father... I miss having a family...  though my bro and sisters are living with their girlfriend/boyfriends...don't have a girlfriend and probably wont... I aint ugly but there's few options when you are 40plus....options take a huge nosedive when you get older.... I never had problems with drinking etc. but now the loneliness it too much.... tv/internet and busyness (hobbies) doesn't cut it... nothing replaces real in person friends n family.. that's one thing the LDS people have they tend to stick together... I am out but finding friends is tough as a man esp. in the town I am in... no one wants to know you unless you are waving green in front of their faces. Tried going to clubs, meetups, parties etc.

Comment by Un-Tarded on January 26, 2012 at 5:53pm

Loneliness sucks. Nine years ago when I moved here to western Maryland, I had no idea how bad it could be.

I've no Ex-Mo hookups, no Atheist hookups, nothing closer than 100 miles away (Baltimore and Washington). I haven't the health nor the finances to do this on any kind of regular basis.

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in an ocean of willful ignorance.

In So Cal I could be myself. Here In Cumberland, I have to keep my eyes & ears open, and my mouth shut. Never underestimating  the power of stupid people in large groups. Too bad I'm not a gun totin', Bible thumpin', tabaccy chawin', incestuous, pedophilic hick. Then, I'd fit right in. (I'm NOT kidding.)

Between the Atheist and Ex-Mo forums, I am hoping to meet up with several people at the Reason Rally (health permitting).

The last time I complained about loneliness on this board, someone posted on my wall just to ridicule me. (Kinda pissed me off, to say the least.)

Athinker, keep your chin up! My inability to heal from my previous Mormon life, and my high level of introversion are stumbling blocks I am trying to jettison.

Comment by Deanna Joy on February 6, 2012 at 3:18pm

Athinker~i Feel Your Pain~ i Haven't Written My "Story" yet..Because of the Pain & Loss ~ However ,What Is Important Is That~ If You Focus On Something You Really Believe in ....What Do You Really Really Desire? ... That Is Uplifting ~ Put Your Energies There ..You Can Create A New Life To Be Enjoyed...  This is Not a  Trite Comment ...My Life Has Magically Turned Around...To Hear What i Have Been Through Would Make Ones Head Spin~My Life Is Wonderful!( and i  was just waiting to Die ) One Day i Said"No" i Will Not Die with My Music Still Hidden inside of Me~ ps Music Is Very Powerful~ Choose Wisely~ 

~~~i send You ~ Sincere Good Vibes for Clarity  & Balance~ Peace~ The Most Importantly~~~

Keep Breathing   D'JOY

Comment by Dr.Manuel Gerardo Monasterio on February 21, 2012 at 5:21pm

Dear: Waht i am going to say is not critical, I'm far awaymf from taht and physically also from you, dealing with troubled people all day long since many years ago Therefore, what I am going to tell you is just what I receive from you story in concondance with my day-to day full-time practice as an M-D and Licensed Psychologist with a huge experience in Spiritual Practice (which include living in  semi-isolation in the mountains for twelve years) along a path that endures thoug the last 40 plus years...And it mainly comes from my own self-imquiry during all these 40 yr}ears. You have to check out closely your routine (including your porn, your gay or not gay casual sex) your hanging around  semi-asleep during the day. You must engage in a self-discipline routine. It doesn't mean obligatory something so called "spiritual", it may be going to the gym 3 hours a day, eating well, putting aside lazy thoughts, going away from your narcicistic shell into the needs of other people, looking for other people's needs, training yourself on developing compassion for other's sufferings instead of being hanging around crying about your own self-deceptive miseries. If you are strong enough to deal with this, tell me and I give you my personal email.

Comment by moomoo on February 24, 2012 at 2:24am

hi

im sad you feel like this its something that is horrible for you to feel so alone. i know its not a physical one but heres a big hug from me (((( HUG))))))

i hope so much you dont do anything about how your feeling , you will getthrough this x

im sorry for asking and hope you dont take offence but do you live with depression at all?  i mean before you started to fell this low about things.

it may help just to chat to your doctor and say how your feeling they may be able to help you through this by talking to you and getting you some help.

i wont say i understand how your feeling because i cant feel the same as you. but i do care as i know all those on this site that have posted to you cry for help message.

i hope you see the light at the end soon it takes rain to make rainbows after all xx

take care message me if ya wanna chat.

moo

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