I recently stopped attending the Mormon church.  My intention is to break all ties with it.  Yet all my family are members and I don't want to ruin my relationship with them.  They've been loving, supportive and encouraging my entire life, but if they know I've left the church that may not continue.   Seems simple enough to just fade away into "inactivity."  I would like to do that, but my circumstances won't allow that.  I'm currently disfellowshipped and have been meeting with my bishop on a regular basis.

As far as my family and the people in the ward, I could easily fade into inactivity, but there's no way I can do that with the bishop.  I have to say something to him.  So far I've taken the passive route.  I haven't attended church and I don't return the secretary's calls about interviews with the bishop.  I know that won't go on forever.  The secretary will keep calling and calling.  Eventually the bishop will call me or show up on my doorstep.  At least then it would be on my terms.  If I see him in his office it's on his terms.

The problem with telling the bishop is that I don't know what he'll do with the information.  Will he allow me to fade away?  Will he broadcast it?  I know he'll assume that I've returned to my sins, which I haven't, but I'm sure I can't convince him of it.  For now I'll probably continue my passive strategy.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this, but any feedback or comments are welcome.

Views: 251

Comment by Lazurus1977 on December 3, 2011 at 6:36am

This is a resignation letter from another post... maybe it will help you write one of your own resignation letters... Just a thought...

Dear Bishop,

This is my formal letter of resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, effective immediately, severing all relationship to the church. I hereby terminate my consent to be treated as a member of said church and I withdraw my consent to submit to the church beliefs and ecclesiastical disciplinary procedures. Please make the confidential changes in the church records, without delay, according to the Church Handbook of Instruction, page 130.

You must now treat me as a former member in all your dealings with me. Please forward this voluntary resignation to the stake president, within the week, as I waive the thirty-day waiting period, having considered this for six months. Due to health reasons, I can no longer sacrifice, and consecrate all my time, talents and everything to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I understand by doing this I cancel forever all hope of exaltation in the celestial kingdom.

I am not leaving due to some personal offense or doctrinal issue. I am grateful for all I gained over the course of twenty years of membership. I was able to break the cycle of alcoholism in my family line. I treasure the relationships developed with my husband of twenty-four years and two children. Over the past seven months of inactivity, we’ve gotten even closer. I gained leadership and public speaking skills in all the tasks I was asked to do. Though it got exhausting, I magnified every calling. I poured all my energy into each assignment. This excess use of human energy took a toll.

The sudden crisis and tragedy of September 28, 2003 caused me to wake up. Overdosing with my suicidal son was a wake up call. Stepping out of the LDS mindset has taken a full two years now. This week, August 10, 2005, marks 20 years of church membership. September 28, 2005 marks two years since my breakdown.

Waking up tied to a hospital bed, locked up in a psychiatric ward, and being arrested in handcuffs and taken to jail was quite a shock. I got all the way to age 50 without even a traffic ticket. Being a criminal, charged and indicted on a felony, and now serving the next ten years in probation is almost more than I can endure.

I wish there had been a warning when I joined the church: “This church will require you to meet more than you can humanly do. It is not recommended for those of you who have inherited mental illness, especially obsessive-compulsive disorder. You will work yourself into exhaustion and breakdown.”

All of 2004 I struggled to “get back to normal” in the church. Church talks on striving and dedication sickened me. All the hard work is too exhausting now. By not attending church, I am beginning to relax, and feel peace and happiness. I am beginning to heal. I wish you all the best and thank you for your time.


Pam Kazmaier

Cc: Members and Statistical Records Division
50 East North Temple Street
SLC, 84150

Comment by tethercarguy on December 3, 2011 at 7:56am

I was going to suggest the same thing. I don't view it as cowardly. It accomplishes what you want. Like you said, if you met him in his office it would be on his terms and if it was anything like my meeting you would have heard how he's not going to have your blood upon his robes or how (in my case) I'm going to lose my relationships with my kids and grandkids and not be with my family in the hereafter. ALL total BS. I have a fantastic relationship with my kids and grandkids. The church will say and do anything, even if they have to resort to lies, to keep you under control. Whether you formally leave the church or just nerver go back, taking control of your own life is awesome.


You need to be a member of Life After Mormonism (exmormon) to add comments!

Join Life After Mormonism (exmormon)

Our Stories

Follow us on
Facebook & Twitter

Videos |Stories |Chat |Books |Store |Forum
Your Donations are appreciated
and help to promote and fund LAM.
Make a Donation

Privacy Tip: Setting your profile/My-Page visibility to "Members Only" will make your status updates visible to members only.

Community Links



  • Add Videos
  • View All

We are an online social community of former mormons, ex-mormons, ex-LDS and sympathizers. Stay C.A.L.M. - Community After Leaving Mormonism

© 2017   Created by MikeUtah.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service