I began my studies at the age of 51, looking for a more sure testimony, and within one week I knew it was all a lie. I spent 5 years quietly studying only church approved sources, was afraid to go online, and finally , at the age of 56 I could stand it no longer. It took more courage than I ever thought I had to come out to my family and then leave the church. My husband kicked me out for a summer, and a year and a half later we divorced. I am a mother of 5 TBM temple married children in their 30's, and have 21 living grandchildren, ranging in age from 15 down to a newborn. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. My family is highly educated, my ex and all 3 of my sons have their doctorate degrees, both of my SIL's are successful attorneys, yet they see not the truth. My integrity finally took hold, and forced me to quit living a lie.
I am not allowed to be alone ever with my one daughter's children. At first I felt suicidal at times, but things are much better now. I felt so alone, and heartbroken that those in the highest of authority had lied to me all my life. My entire story , in detail , is posted under anon, on the Recovery from Mormonism bio and story board, Sept. 4, 09, and it is entitled "The Courage to Obtain my Freedom". I turned 60 this past Dec 28. I am the one that had a direct confrontation at the So. Town mall with Tom Perry on Dec. 6 2010, in case anyone read that - I posted it on the recovery boards the minute I got home. I am , for the most part, very very happy in my life and have never regretted the decision to leave mormonism, hard as it was. I resigned officially on 9-9-09. Life is good without needing to KNOW anything. All I ever wanted was truth, and I knew when I found what I did that I must leave and be willing to cut the wagon tracks, so to speak, for anyone in my large family that may someday want out as well. It was so very very hard, but so worth it. I am happy in a way I never before knew. I am free at last. Free to seek truth wherever it may be found, and as the anger has died off I find myself truly filled with joy at times, a kind of joy unknown to me.
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Hi think4u! A warm welcome to LifeAfterMormonism. Other than having 5 children instead of 10, you're from nearly the same background as my mom, who will have 21+ grand kids later this year. You give me hope that maybe someone in my large family, perhaps even my mom, will join me in the apostate journey some day. You are a courageous woman and mother! Enjoy the site and community.