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Choices After Leaving the Church

Started this discussion. Last reply by Ashley Apr 8. 4 Replies

This has been on my mind quite a bit, lately. It intrigues me to ponder why some ex-members abandon religion entirely, while others seek out a different world religion (of the many, many…Continue



Profile Information

Relationship Status (single, partner, etc):
My Story:
I have been inactive for about four years. I could not bear to attend meetings anymore. That was a result, in part, of a bad LDS marriage, and even moreso of deepening depression over my identity as a woman in the Kingdom of God. I despaired over the fact that I was born female. Why? Because of the LDS tenets. I felt that womanhood was an unbearable curse. An unmistakable sign that God considered me wholly inadequate and unworthy compared to his sons. I COULD NOT FIND JOY. I grieved daily for what I was, for a destiny I could not escape, for the prospect of enduring an eternal hell even if I made it to heaven.
As a result of this, my health was failing. My body was shutting down, entirely due to sorrow. I did not want to live, but did not want to die, either. I knew that if I died, I would just go on being a female, a disgraced being, in some other location...what good would that be? On many occasions I was sleeping 18 hours a day, as recently as this past November. My body (and mind) simply didn't want to EXIST anymore. Not having that option, it drained itself of all energy, leaving me almost lifeless.
Out of sheer desperation, on December 1st, I Googled the sentence..."I am a very depressed Mormon woman!" Thus began the avalanche of information. A pebble here, a rock there, then within just a few minutes' time came the CASCADE OF BOULDERS. The dark secrets of the Church came tumbling out of cyberspace into my lap. That first day, it was already glaringly obvious to me that the Church had extremely serious issues. Worse than the holes in a block of Swiss cheese. I knew instantly that I could leave this Church, with no remorse, and leave behind my pain and psychological scars in the process! In three days' time I had quite a strong new testimony that the Church was a glorified contortion of the truth (I am being gentle). I was an EX, proud of it, and SO FULL OF RELIEF AND JOY for the first time in my adult life.
My health began to recover immediately. My energy came back. My ability to smile. But most importantly, my SELF ESTEEM AS A FEMALE BEING. I no longer despise what I am. LEAVING THE CHURCH SET ME FREE FROM THE MOST AGONIZING FORM OF BONDAGE...SELF-HATE..
Interests and Hobbies:
Yard sales, flea markets and thrift shops. Music, especially the band "RED", but only if it's LOOOOUUUUUDDDD.
Favorite Movies:
Lord of the Rings, Johnny English, The In-laws (the original, with Peter Falk), Columbo mystery movies, Rat Race,
If you went on an LDS mission, where and when did you go?

Comment Wall (5 comments)

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At 9:32pm on February 27, 2017, Matt said…

Thanks for the congratulations! It's good to be here. I've never felt so alone in all my life. Literally everyone I know is mormon (or just about). I need to a place where I can go and talk to like-minded people.

At 9:49pm on February 22, 2017, troach70 said…

Community of Christ (formerly RLDS - Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) comes out of the same restoration era as LDS in 1830. We share a 14 year history up until the death of Joseph Smith Jr. Beginning in 1850 many of the saints who did not follow Brigham Young out to Utah, began "reorganizing" themselves, eventually under the leadership of Joseph Smith III, and we continue on today with some similarities still existing between the two faith traditions. Hope this helps.

At 9:33pm on January 17, 2017, Millie said…


At 11:53am on January 12, 2017, KindSmile said…

Hello GOSPELOFDESPAIR! Welcome to Lifeaftermormonism.

At 4:06pm on January 2, 2017, Bruce Holt said…

Welcome to LAM!


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