Mixed Faith Marriage Support

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Mixed Faith Marriage Support

This group is primarily for those navigating a mixed exmo/TBM relationship or marriage to support each other and share what works, what to avoid, and how to best cope or move on. Nevermo/TBM sojourners are also welcome.

Location: support
Members: 78
Latest Activity: Feb 15

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New Here - Summary of My MF Marriage

Started by Red Sand. Last reply by MikeUtah Nov 26, 2014. 1 Reply

Here's my abbreviated story:Brought up in a "common" christian religion in the SouthAs a very young adult joined TSCCEncouraged g/f to join - she did eventuallyWe got married, had five kids - both…Continue

Women Married to TBM

Started by suzyq. Last reply by SunnyDee Apr 30, 2014. 12 Replies

Living with a "worthy priesthood" holder and TBM kids is tough. I haven't officially resigned. But I haven't believed for over 8 years. Looking for other women who can relate. Feels hopeless.

TBM wife, not yet outed exmo

Started by Mithryn. Last reply by Bruce Holt Feb 28, 2014. 11 Replies

So what can I say; I'm timid at posting, worried about public opinion, and my wife is very upset about my stance, but not so upset as to try and look in to see if anything I say has credence. I don't…Continue

As a Nevermo, I am never going to be good enough

Started by Heatherlovesboo. Last reply by Heatherlovesboo Feb 24, 2012. 5 Replies

I am a nevermo and my husband has been inactive the entire time that we have been together but his family is a multiple generations TBM family. Even though my husband is inactive, I feel like he…Continue

Tags: inactive, TBM, Nevermo

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Comment by Late Bloomer on February 16, 2016 at 3:29pm

I was wondering if your TBM spouses had murdered you all in your sleep! But seriously, I enjoyed reading your story, Dugger. Maybe the heated discussions over the Church have just died down for this group, and this would be a good thing.

The idea that there's a "plan" for how many days, hours, and minutes we have on earth would seem to contradict the LDS concept of free agency (e.g., if I eat healthy and exercise daily, it's likely that I'll prolong my life, barring some fatal accident or hereditary illness). I mean, why did I need to attend those R.S. enrichment meetings about exercise and eating right if I'm not the least bit personally empowered in terms of increasing my longevity? But hey, contradictions are par for the course within the Church. Members aren't supposed to point them out. Ironically, I think the belief that God is in control of every miniscule aspect of our lives makes some TBMs feel more empowered. You don't have to feel personally responsible for many of your stupid behaviors if God has the reigns.

It took a few years for DH and I to quietly agree to disagree, too, but there weren't that many disagreements even at the beginning. To his credit, my DH understands that the Church presents a myriad of intellectual issues to thinking members, serious problems that the Sunday habit of whitewashing history and doctrine doesn't permit you to address in any genuine way. So if I bring up a Church-related topic, these days, he's usually agreeing with it, at least to some degree. I realize I'm extremely fortunate this way, but I think the Church issue hasn't even been close to a marital problem for us because we've weathered much worse marital storms.

We watched some of our adult children leave the Church before I did, and he was upset about that at the time (so was I, at the time), but my leaving is such a non-issue within our marriage; I think this experience has softened his approach toward our kids, too. He has actually said to me, in tears, "Thank you for insisting that I accept our kids for who they are." Back then, he was tempted to almost disown them in certain ways, but this would've put him out in the cold, in the end. 

So I'm not here to vent about DH, only to offer support to others who are going through much more than I am in their mixed-faith marriages. While DH is supportive in terms of my choice to leave the Church, I've been married 30-something years and I do know what very serious, ongoing marital issues feel like.

Comment by Dugger on February 16, 2016 at 1:39pm

Hey Late Bloomer....  Agreed.  It has been a long enough hiatus for posts in this thread.  Dunno why but it hasn't "Bloomed."  My DW & I have had fewer and fewer church-related discussions as time has marched on.  Yesterday we debated, on a minor scale, if the Lord has determined who dies and when...that there is a "plan" for each of us for how long we live and there's nothing one can do to change that.  Of course I disagreed, but we didn't discuss it for long as neither one of us thought the other was gonna be swayed but anyway...

As time has marched on, we've sorta agreed to quietly disagree over religion.  She has accepted that I'm a good person and it seems she thinks this no-LDS phase I'm going thru is only something I personally need to experience...that someday I'll get hit with a brick and come to my senses, or some-such idea.

Our kids seem to love me and the one oldest child that railed on me the most is becoming just a bit more accepting.  This has been an 11-yr on-going process for us tho...

Comment by Late Bloomer on February 16, 2016 at 11:59am

Am I missing something, or are the most recent posts in many of these groups around 2014? Just wondering if there's a reason for this, or if anyone in this particular group is interested in activating some more current conversations?

Comment by JustBreatheN on July 25, 2012 at 10:20am
Good point Dugger. I actually served my mission in the Texas Houston East Mission and served in that area you speak of. The stake president was an anti Mormon and all the anti ended up converting him. He may have been released since I was there but his presence is still lingers. That area has many baptisms because of how he deals with the affairs of the members. It wouldn't surprise me if he actually affected your cousin and his marriage. That area is nuts. Great people in the area, but the leadership is nuts.
Comment by Dugger on July 25, 2012 at 10:08am

I dunno if moving to Texas will guarantee to be the panacea you hope it will.  Sure, it might work out fine for you but my questioning "less active" cousin and his wife moved from UT to South Texas, (Beaumont area), and found there was a pocket of the community densely populated with Taliban TBMs.  His wife was pounced upon by these people and it ended up prying them apart.  They've been divorced for 7 years.  He came back to UT and after remarrying in TX, she and her new hubby are now living in Vernal to be near that particular temple.  Getting a sealing cancellation turned into a real circus story for the family.

Comment by JustBreatheN on July 24, 2012 at 8:09pm
I think I've seen you post on exmormon website before SuzyQ. You've been going that long? What makes your husband so TBM? Why doesn't he see the "dark side" yet? I know what you mean with the whole "feeling the spirit" thing and becoming humble to go back. It's more difficult than that. Unfortunately we will not do that because you can't with the "further light and knowledge" we have. I don't think you or I should give up on the TBM spouse. Do you still love your DH? Does he resent you for being an exmo? I'm interested now. :)
Comment by suzyq on July 24, 2012 at 6:34pm

I would love to help you in anyway I can. I have been trying to not suffocate in my marriage to an ultra TBM man. I'm not on LAM much these days. I am pretty cynical about marriage longevity with postmos and TBM's. There is no acceptance, just hope and prayer and faith that I will be humbled enough to feel the spirit once again. It's more than a set of beliefs, it is also a way of life and a culture here in Utah. I've been fighting this for almost 9 years. I'm worn down and tired of being the bad guy. 

Message me if you want to talk. :) 

Comment by JustBreatheN on July 23, 2012 at 9:21pm
I'll keep you posted.
Comment by JustBreatheN on July 23, 2012 at 9:21pm
Thanks y'all! It's good to hear support. Looking forward to getting a job in Texas. It'll be great. Or at least one step closer to not living on pins and needles. :)
Comment by MikeUtah on July 23, 2012 at 9:17am

Welcome JustBreatheN.  Sounds like you're still in the thick of repercussions of leaving Mormonism.  Getting your wife away from family/TBMs might help, but it might also do the opposite and dig in harder.  For me, I had to realize that my path is my own and my wife has her own path to follow as well.  While she ended up joining me in leaving the church on her own terms, I had to let her discover that for herself, offering sources when asked and such, but otherwise being at peace with whatever she decided, even if that was to stay.  Not sure if that will help but may give you some further points to think about.  Good luck!  We're here when you need a listening and empathetic ear.

 

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