Mixed Faith Marriage Support

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Mixed Faith Marriage Support

This group is primarily for those navigating a mixed exmo/TBM relationship or marriage to support each other and share what works, what to avoid, and how to best cope or move on. Nevermo/TBM sojourners are also welcome.

Location: support
Members: 78
Latest Activity: Feb 15

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New Here - Summary of My MF Marriage

Started by Red Sand. Last reply by MikeUtah Nov 26, 2014. 1 Reply

Here's my abbreviated story:Brought up in a "common" christian religion in the SouthAs a very young adult joined TSCCEncouraged g/f to join - she did eventuallyWe got married, had five kids - both…Continue

Women Married to TBM

Started by suzyq. Last reply by SunnyDee Apr 30, 2014. 12 Replies

Living with a "worthy priesthood" holder and TBM kids is tough. I haven't officially resigned. But I haven't believed for over 8 years. Looking for other women who can relate. Feels hopeless.

TBM wife, not yet outed exmo

Started by Mithryn. Last reply by Bruce Holt Feb 28, 2014. 11 Replies

So what can I say; I'm timid at posting, worried about public opinion, and my wife is very upset about my stance, but not so upset as to try and look in to see if anything I say has credence. I don't…Continue

As a Nevermo, I am never going to be good enough

Started by Heatherlovesboo. Last reply by Heatherlovesboo Feb 24, 2012. 5 Replies

I am a nevermo and my husband has been inactive the entire time that we have been together but his family is a multiple generations TBM family. Even though my husband is inactive, I feel like he…Continue

Tags: inactive, TBM, Nevermo

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Comment by Mending on February 17, 2011 at 2:25pm
I think that I am allergic to Mormons. Tuesday night we were scheduled to have dinner with our LDS neighbors, followed by a visit from our home teachers. I developed a migraine. Really and truly and I haven't had one in years. As a matter of fact, I haven't had one since I stopped attending church. This makes me want to say, "hmmmm."

It's a good thing that I have developed and immunity to my husband's Mormoness. Could this be because I am certain that he is not spying on me in order to fill out some report? Hmmmm again, says I.
Comment by Dugger on January 30, 2011 at 4:19pm
Ha Ha.  That's funny.  Thanks for the chat!
Comment by Mending on January 30, 2011 at 2:48pm
Oh, and you can count me on your home teaching for this month, Dugger.  You did a very good job.
Comment by Mending on January 30, 2011 at 2:47pm

It wasn't fun when I was TBM and watching my three sons become, 1) drug addicted and 2) an RM temple married and then inactive and 3) a TBM turned atheist.  But it is great now.  (The drug addicted one is better.)  Two of my daughters left weeks after I did when they realized that they could finally investigate the issues which had been bothering them, without risking hurting me.

But I can't feel sorry for myself for any of that past stuff because it is so great in the children area now.   I feel sooooo bad for you and anyone else who is surrounded by TBM's.  I really don't know what I would do.  My husband and I are converts, so the extended family is all rooting for me, too.

I hope that you are getting all the support you need here and elsewhere.  What a wonderful thing the Internet is, right?  You take care, Dugger.  You deserve the best.

Comment by Dugger on January 30, 2011 at 2:35pm

Mending,

 

Thanks for sharing.  You've had a tough road.  I'm happy you have so many of your kids who have doubts about the church.  I'm envious!  All the family around me are total TBM thru and thru.  They support their mom.  It'd be great if they'd have more questions, too.

Comment by Mending on January 30, 2011 at 2:27pm

Hey, Dugger--

We have a lot of years behind us, too:  thirty-four last December.  Up until my disaffection we had an almost-ideal marriage.  We had reached that comfortable balance that only being together through many ups and downs produces.  I was looking forward to good times together from here on out.

That is awful that your son counselled your wife to leave.  I have heard about such things happening and it appalls me.

I don't think that my DH has any hopes about me coming back.  He thinks that my new beliefs are part of the bipolar2 with which I was diagnosed a few years ago.  My take on it is that being in the church triggered so much stress that I became nearly suicidal.  That led to my finally being diagnosed and finding helpful medication.  But it was only by leaving the church that I fully began to heal.

My good fortune is that five of our six children don't like the church, either, although they love their dad.  He thinks that they are just crazy, like me, but he tries to be nice about it.  He really doesn't realize how not nice it is to be considered crazy.

Thanks for commenting again.  I really needed this chat today.  

Comment by Dugger on January 30, 2011 at 2:14pm

I feel for you Mending,

 

"Stale Truce" is a great term for it in our house too.  Sooo sorry for your down mood.  It happens to us, huh.  Our 4 grown kids and 40 years of marriage makes it quite an investment of love, time, energy that would be hard to deal with in the face of any possible divorce here. I don't that happening even tho our oldest son actually counseled my DW to leave me and it's been hard on his and my relationship. Fortunately, his 3 siblings think he's too over the top with that advice.

 

DW thinks I've got to go thru this path I'm on to "rediscover" the church and my testamony, then all will be well again.  That would be like trying to re-study Santa Claus in an attempt to believe in him again as far as I'm concerned.

Comment by Mending on January 30, 2011 at 2:01pm

Thank you, Dugger, for reaching out to me.  I am feeling very low today.  

When you said, "my frustration is even if they respect my knowledge and expertise in so many temporal issues, my DW and other tbms see me as now somehow flawed spiritually and unworthy of expressing any valid oppinions re the weaknesses of TSCC" that really struck a chord with me.  My husband used to look up to me for my knowledge of the church and my spiritual insights.  Now, it is as if I am invisible concerning those areas.

My daughter, who also no longer believes, also warned me that The Wave would probably not get through to my DH.  

 

I'm really not afraid of a divorce in our future, but I am truly dreading living together for many more years in this sort of state.  I am not eager about a future of unhappiness, or, at best, a stale truce.

 

Thanks for listening.

Comment by Dugger on January 30, 2011 at 1:50pm

Mending,

 

It's hard to persuade a TBM spouse, isn't it?  Bcz of your comment, I watched "The Wave."  I found it interesting, but I doubt any TBMs would ever see it as an accurate comparison to TSCC.

 

It's too big a stretch for them, I'd think. My all-in DW and other TBMs who "know" the church is true rarely seem to respond positively when we try to point out something that overtly makes them look beguiled, taken in, or otherwise lacking good judgement (stupid). In the sales profession the salesperson usually doesn't score points by showing the potential new customer he is an idiot for using someone else's product instead of yours.

 

My frustration is even if they respect my knowledge and expertise in so many temporal issues, my DW and other tbms see me as now somehow flawed spiritually and unworthy of expressing any valid oppinions re the weaknesses of TSCC.

 

Believers in the church who "KNOW" are the hardest to have a discussion with. My thought is we need to find those rare, teachable moments whenever they arise and then have the nerve to respectfully, tactfully ask the questions that won't drive the issue under the rug. 

 

A sad thing is, when faced with an impossible way to stand up for questionable church issues, people who "know" shrink from the dialogue with testamony bearing as a last bastion of defense (and frustration.  Again, I don't seem to get anywhere with these folks.  I'm still looking for further light and knowlege on that one.

 

The only thing I have done that seems to have made the household atmosphere more like it was before I came out my negative view of the church is to just be my old self and let the family see I'm still the same likeable guy with values and virtues they can still respect even tho I don't support TSCC.  Sadly tho, that tactic hasn't stimulated conversation or dismissed the elephant in the room I know must exist, even if family get togthers have returned to somewhat normal.

 

Comment by Mending on January 30, 2011 at 11:30am

My husband watched The Wave http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVRXXbU-z7U with me last night, following Jesus Camp on Netflix.  I'm wondering if it is possible for anyone, even a TBM, to watch those and not see the similarities to TSCC.  He didn't say anything about either.  We watched a couple of other shows we like and then he just got up and went to church this  morning the same as on any Sunday.

All I can say about him is that he hates change.  Do you think that it is possible that he will never let go of Mormonism?  

 

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