Let's get a thread started on what has or hasn't worked in navigating a relationship with a TBM partner or spouse. Share anything from how to deal with flare ups, to surviving the next 5 minutes after a breakdown, to what to do about kids and everything in between. If you're separated or divorced, share what has/hasn't worked in that scenario as well.
Honestly, it's started to feel like nothing is working. I try to bring up something that bothers me, and he'll refute it. My concerns don't seem to be legitimate. This can be about ANYTHING -- but most frequently is about church and household chores.
Last night, we had a HUGE argument and obvs, the church was brought into it. I tried to bring up things that wouldn't offend him and discuss it, and he told me that all my concerns were cultural (!!!!). Finally I just told him that I was leaving a bunch out so avoid offending him but I could tell he didn't believe me. At all.
I tend to feel that since I'm a woman (and we know how the Mormon Church treats women) he often doesn't seen any legitimacy to my concerns. At all.
Ouch, ouch and ouch. My inclination is to write him off as a jerk, but on further thought, I suspect he is just feeling very threatened. I suggest assuring him of your unwavering devotion to him. I've had to do that with my husband and now that he really believes that giving up on him is not the next step in the process, he seems to be okay with us living on two separate religious tracks.
I feel for you. We have 30+ years of history to lean on in our marriage. I can't imagine having gone through something like this early on. Hang in there.
I did the same thing to my DH. When I saw all the information out there I was like "OMG DH will want to see this!" And I was sooo proud of myself for discovering it and shocked and horrified, and I just KNEW he would see it the same way I did. Haha, joke's on me!
It's so hard for me to be accepting. I love my DH but the church is a GIANT wedge between us. Plus I'm still in the anger stage, which isn't really helping at all because I just feel so damn mad at the Church.
Truth be told, sometimes what I feel is "working for us" also feels very temporary, like it's just holding back a larger storm. I am grateful for the truce because I still very much love my DW - but at the end of the day I really don't think we can last forever with this issue between us. Maybe I am putting lipstick on a pig with our current points of understanding.