Your post mirrors my own experience 90+%. Amazing. I have been wearing out my garments and slowly replacing them with whitey-tighties and t-shirts without resistance from my "Eternal Companion." She probably agrees I am no longer worthy to wear the Jesus Jammies anyway.
She is upset I read any non-Brethren written literature and wonders how I can read an unbalanced feast of outside writers. Other than that, there is an uneasy peace in the house.
BUT I have this annual fight with my eternal companion. I have told my EC I don't want to pay tithing but to honor her wishes and keep peace in the family; I have conceded that half of what I have is her's. She says that means half of my income is hers and she wants to pay tithing on that half.
It of course depends on your situation. In just a couple weeks, it will be the 2 year anniversary of when I came out to my wife, though I have not yet PUBLICLY come out as a post-mormon. It's been a long and hard process, but I have gradually gained more understanding and acceptance from her. Some close freinds besides my wife know, my bishop, and several members of her family. By and large, though, my family and most of our Mormon friends don't have a clue. I think this has really smoothed the transition, as my wife has had time to accept my disbelief without also having to deal with the perception that I am actively fighting against what she believes. This has helped prevent her from putting up a defensive barrier to my arguments, and I think she is really beginning to accept that I have a valid position, even if she isn't yet ready to agree with me.
Many of our biggest arguments lately have been when I posted something vaguely anti-superstition or pro-rational-thought on Facebook. Even though none of these were directly against religion or Mormonism specifically, she felt they were a personal attack, or a public airing of our 'dirty laundry' and it really hurt our evolving dialogue. I would suggest cooling it with the public denunciation for a bit, if your marriage is a priority. Let your wife acclimatize to the new situation for a while, and lend support to the exmo community from backstage for a bit. Discuss these things with her in private, so she doesn't feel that you are taking what is to her a painful and personal transition and making it a public spectacle.
i'm coming into this rather late in the forum game. but wow. interesting!
I stopped wearing garments before I stopped attending and only stopped attending when I was stripped of my calling after admitting to the bishop that I was angry and filled with i don't knows. I didn't say I have stopped believeing but it was enough. I worked with the kids, they got me away from them. Forages i was secretive about my coffee affection, because I just didn't want to add more strain. but after nearly a year, his watch cry has become "you are an adult and you can do as you please." and for that I am deeply grateful. It has been a long uncomfortable road getting here. Tithes has been a point of contention, but our finances are messy right now and since I was always the one who would hand him check book (I didn't like writing that giant check knowing how much we could use that money) and with me not doing that he grew lax, we didn't do a full tithe last year, and none this year so far . . . because I wasn't doing it. but he wants to pay tithes. but 10% is a whole lot! and we aren't saving at all! I told him when we have some spare he can have an allowance and do as he pleases with it, golf, hookers, tithes, I dont' care. but for now we will trust that god will forgive him for my decision.