so growing up mormon i was never really given the "sex" talk, i think my parents felt if it never came up i would stay away from it, when i was 13 my 15 year old sister got knocked up, so this was the conversation my mother gave me:
"sex is a beautiful thing when its between a man and a women who are married to each other"
and that was about it, now i had very strong "urges" growing up and well there was a bit of masterbation that occurred, but then i was given that god awful book, The Power of Forgiveness, that messed me up plenty, now im a sinner because i want to feel some satisfaction, cant have sex with boys, cant have sex with self, well now im confussed.
basicly told sex is bad unless its with the right person and i have a peice of paper saying its ok!
Sex is to procreate, so i spent the whole of my frist (temple) marriage trying to get knocked up, so if you cant get knocked up and you never were taught to just enjoy sex, then whats the point?
i wish i could just enjoy it and not care if im gonna get pregnant or not, just get down and dirty and be ok with that, how do i get past all this bullshit thats been programmed into me?
i Hate the church for the way they control peoples sex life!!
sorry for misspellings, cant seem to find spell checker on here!
Good topic Tygryslee. For DW (darling wife), around the time we were leaving the church, she decided to own her sexuality and take things into her own hands. Basically she gave herself permission to both explore and enjoy sex, starting with masturbation, toys and more positions than just missionary. You mentioned you had masturbated as a teen. That would probably be a good place to start if you're not already allowing yourself to enjoy it. Good literature on sex may also be helpful. Good luck!
I've been out (of the church) for 2 years and I think I have been largely avoiding my ickiness around sex. I mean, I like sex w/DH. We've always been into different positions and oral etc even when Mormon. BUT I have always had a love/hate relationship with sex, as you say. I don't know how to just 'fuck'. I don't know how to initiate. I feel like a whore if I try to be the initiator. I never tried masturbation, for 31 years!!! never. I remember climbing a pole as a kid and rubbing on it but my sisters shamed me about it. I have slowly become more comfortable with masturbation. I usually do it in the shower and I have to mentally remind myself that it is normal and healthy. I am getting better at fighting off the guilt and shame. Good luck tygryslee.
I am starting to get the feeling that I have ignored a lot of problems that have stemmed from Mormon repression because it is hard at times to really believe that we've been through something significant. Non-members often don't understand the depth of the hurt, some ex-Mo's who left when they were young don't get it either and TBMs (true believing members) really don't get it.. they want you to move on and forget all about it INstantly! So sometimes I think there is something wrong with me (especially when it comes to sex) and like you say, it's not until you hear another ex-Mo say it that you realise, again, that yes! this has been ingrained in us and it will take time and effort to change. Thanks MikeUtah and others for setting up online communities for us to all hear from other people experiencing the same kinds of things as us