I'm just going to wing it here, this  beautiful sunny Sunday Morning...doing so out of a profound sense of frustration.  But, since Jessica and I left the Church (fairly galloped), we have been carrying on a splendid dialog about the Church and our lives in the Church, now out of the Church, that would put to shame any dialog we ever had while we were members...and between us and other members.   We've always been good talkers.  We're writers, and sometimes writers talk a lot...especially when we find kindred spirits...and we're good at it (talking, not finding kindred spirits).  And now we're good (better) lovers, as well.  Not that we didn't enjoy sex before (maybe more than most people), but now it is like our religion.  I'm kind of old (71 on Tuesday) but with a fair amount of lingering energy and ardor.  Jessica is 34, with lots of energy and  curiosity and a love of adventure.  And we don't have kids around the house.  I've raised my seven (years ago) and Jess is infertile. Also, my kids and grand kids wouldn't bother us on a bet; because as with many exiting Mormons we're not well liked (or understood) by our families.

When we left  Belize (where we lived at the time) and the Church (I'd been branch president, Jess the seminary teacher, young women's leader---and anything else they could get us to do) we came to Indiana and moved in with John---also a former Mormon.  We formed a polyandrous relationship---not because we were sexual profligates, but because we were tired of all the bullshit that our former institution of choice, including family and friends, had used to mind control us (sex is the sin second only to murder in seriousness...that kind of stuff that we now knew was not true).  John was an in-the-closet gay young man Jessica's age.  We met him online.  We lived together for about 15 months, with lots of ups and downs and a world of discovery---mostly about John and all the disfunctional things he had not told us---as often happens in marriage .  When we split, it was because John loved me and not Jessica...and I'm as straight as an arrow...and gay sex wasn't in the cards.  During the course, we were able to determine that Jessica is comfortably bi-sexual and I am still confirming that I've never met a woman that I didn't fall in love with. ...so the whole thing was interesting and revealing, to say the least.  Now we live with Lilly (25, bi-sexual) who needed a home and support.  She's been here 10 months and our relationship, as well, has had its ups and downs.  But we're optimistic, if we are anything, and the future holds promise.

Now Lilly has a good job and is going to college and will likely soon strike out on her own. ( Also, our cultural and intellectual backgrounds make it a little hard for Lilly to be fully participant in the ongoing dialog around here, and she feels she needs to get some seasoning on her own.)

So now as Jessica and I look to the future, we have what we would describe as a longing for friends, which right now are in scant supply.  But friends with a Mormon background who love intelligent discussions and who are truly adventuresome.  We may be wishing and hoping forever, of course, without realizing our dream.  But it would be nice to find friends like that here in this LAM community---but people, also, who have seen through the hypocrisy  and cultural problems of our former lifestyle and religion and who are not bitter about them, but who want to move swiftly on.  These days we believe that nudity is good, sex is good, unbridled love is good....fear is bad, conventional morality is arbitrary, guilt does not serve us...and similar sorts of things.  Some people would say that we have gone off the deep end, but nothing could be further from the truth.  We are a happy and hopeful man and woman who want to increase and enhance the dialog.  We spent all those years drilling ourselves over and over to believe in Mormon lies...lies that go deeper than most of us on this site appear to be willing to deal with in the reality of their implication.  Now we want to change all of that...as thoroughly and efficiently as possible so that we can explore the right track with all its wonders...in company with others (which we don't believe is conventional Christianity...they're as messed up as the Mormons in terms of the tall tales they're willing to swallow)

Anybody want to talk...about adult topics...in extensive length and detail?  Anybody want to get acquainted sufficient to really get Acquainted.?  It would sure be nice to find some genuine kindred spirits.  brian.utley@yahoo.com

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