So, as I've released myself from TSCC my opinion on many things has changed, sometimes dramatically... as I'm sure many of you can relate.

I was wondering about other people's thoughts on porn... have they stayed the same? altered somewhat? changed completely?  Or what?

I have mixed feelings about this subject and want some help sorting it out.

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Cary, I think we were married to the same man!  Perhaps my ex hubby was a secret polygamist as well :)) 

  I don't think my ex could have ever been a polygamist. He wasn't able to handle the one wife he had. lol 

 

I have a TBM friend going through a divorce right now and her situation is very similar also. I think that there is actually a personality type that mormonism is very, very bad for and my ex husband is one of those although he doesn't see it and is still TBM as ever even with all his apparent "sinning".  If you take a narcissistic person and indocrinate them in a religion that oppresses women and feeds there narcissism with elivated male status. Then makes sex sacred under some circumstances and a sin next to murder under others, where  sexual thoughts, urges and  eroticism are evil and shame and guilt are the prime tools of control...yeah, it's going to cause some serious issues. 

 

I actually feel really bad for my ex, he's not a bad person, all the hurtful, thoughtless, even abusive things he did weren't because he was trying to hurt me, it was just because he didn't have the ability to stop, or the insight to even understand what he was doing.  His issues and my issues were like the perfect storm, I was willing to work on mine but he wasn't willing to work on his. No matter how much empathy or compassion I might have for him this is the only life I get, I'm not spending it living that way. 

Cary, you are telling my story!  I was married to this *addict* for 11 1/2 years while going to church every Sunday putting on the happy family face.  I tentatively tried to broach the subject with a few *Sisters* that I was close to but noone wanted to hear that we hadn't attained Celestial happiness.  Your TBM friend is lucky she has you to talk to.  I felt I was completely alone. 

Many times I felt that my ex should not have been born Mormon.  He skips out on church to catch the game. Loves video games, staring at all womens breasts and porn.  I felt like I was married to someone who'd never mentally surpassed the age of 16. 

Cary, this brings up another point (off subject) I've wondered about:  Are Mormon men worse husbands than others because they have the mentality that they were married in the temple for FOREVER, therefore no effort needs to be done on their part to have a good marriage?  For 8 years I tried working with my ex to have a better marriage and even once mentioned that I didn't want to get a divorce (which he responded, and I quote, "I don't either because then I'd have to pay child support"), but when I finally told him I wanted a divorce he was shocked.
And I would add HazelWings; are Mormon wives more unhappy and put up with more crap for a longer amount of time because they believe they are now married until FOREVER and have no alternative? 

I had the same thing with one my ex's. I've never been married, haha, but he had an INTENSE sexual addiction. He would masturbate so many times a day, every day, I still wonder how he did it.  His penis was raw and and yet he would still want me to do stuff with it. When I refused to comply, he got more and more forceful. He was only seventeen at the time. Part of this I blame because of porn. I read erotic novels and for a while even started watching some softcore porn, but I didn't do it for long because I didn't like knowing that these actors were pretty much prostituting themselves. Anyway, my ex would watch porn constantly, which was when he'd...erhm, go at it. It got to the point where he got many viruses on his computer from all the random sites he would come across in his desperation to find new material.  It can become an addiction, really.

My thoughts on porn pretty much stayed the same when I left the Church and my thoughts were that it's just not a big deal.  I think I developed that somewhat growing up because I grew up in a house of all sisters so porn was never discussed and I was left to make up my own mind about it.  Then when I got married my husband talked about how bad porn is and that the brethern are taught not to look at it, but honestly, I couldn't tell the difference between him looking at a physical picture on a computer screen and having an orgasm and me imagining some hot guy in my head and having an orgasm.  The only difference was he used physical pictures and I used mental pictures.  They had never taught me in Young Womens that masturbating was bad, so I never thought it was.  My main view on porn is that as long as it's not affecting your marriage in a bad way I don't think it's something to get worked up about.  I do think that every couple is different and they should agree together on what is appropriate.
Jen, slightly OT, but can you seriously orgasm just thinking of a hot guy in your head?  I am SUPER IMPRESSED and you must share your knowledge!
Sorry it took me so long to respond to this.  Yes, I can orgasm thinking about a hot guy in my head, but what I do is turn it into more of a love story in my head with lots of fantastic sex rather than just a still image of a guy topless.  I hope that makes more sense to you and wasn't too much information.
My husband's dad used to have a hiding place in their garage where he kept Playboy magazines, a bottle of vodka, and a pack of cigarettes.  We always figured he retreated when he was in trouble with wifey.  I have no problem with my husband seeing such things, and lord knows we see enough nudity in movies.  I think I would have a problem if it became habit forming, like he had to see his stuff everyday, or, he had to see it before he came to bed.  The addiction to porn is as real as addiction to crank, or booze, so I guess that's what I'd be looking for if I had a mate who really dug it.  I'm not a lesbian, but I love to see a beautiful woman just for beauty sake, and this last week of Elizabeth Taylor's passing caused me to buy a People magazine full of pictures of her.  She was so pretty.  I have a movie star wall in my living room.  I have Marilyn Monroe, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Emily Watson.  I haven't decided who to put there next, and no, I don't know why I haven't put any men there.  It did my bipolar personality some good, hopefully not in a bad way, to learn Catherine has it too.  Maybe I'll get a pic of Alec Baldwin.  Nice and masculine.  Or Leonardo.  Tremendous talent.
Well said Jen.  Puts it all in perspective.
Cary, I agreed with your post.

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