A lot has been made of how mormonism can ruin your sex life, but has anyone run into this?
I've had insanely satisfying physical relationships with questioning/exmormons- so much passion, the ability to hold out until you were both about to go crazy from desire, more attention to the nuances that build up anticipation... I mean, the first time I almost had sex, I was 13. The first time I really did have sex, I was 23. That's 10 years of perfecting foreplay.
But my most recent sexual relationship was with a guy who's never been mormon (nevermo, do you call them?) and...I dunno man, it was lacking. Because sex was a given, there wasn't all that awesome build up ("will we, won't we? Who knows! Ahhhh! We just went a little further, maybe we will! Ohhh, he just sighed and pulled away and is attempting to calm himself down, maybe we won't...WAIT!!! He's coming back for more, maybe we will!") it was just like, oh, he's stroking my shoulder, I guess we'll have sex now.
I don't miss the guilt, but I wouldn't mind finding another exmo who gets what anticipation is all about!
Anybody thinks exmo's who don't feel guilty are where it's at, sexually?!? I DO I DO!!!!
I guess my experience with nevermo's is limited, and my few experiences haven't been that great. I think part of it is because they didn't have years to learn about all the anticipation building - it seems that they found a willing partner and progressed from making out to sex pretty quickly, never fully realizing the potential of the make out stage, or all of the things you can do to drive your partner crazy. Maybe they also just don't appreciate sex as much as we who've finally been let out of our cages do. Maybe they started too early, before they understood it, maybe they were taught that it was just a physical exchange, or participated in so much meaningless sex in college that it's lost it's savor. All I know is I'd love to meet another exmo who's on the same page as me....but I'm in Asia, so it's probably not happening any time soon ;) (do this websites smilies look a little lechorous to anyone else? I'm afraid my winking smiley is going to go from cute to creepy!)
I guess I shouldn't put that wall up in my head. There are probably great nevermo lovers, I just haven't met them yet (and I'm very selective about who I'll have an intimate relationship with. Lately I've kissed a couple of guys and they seem to feel very rejected when we don't move straight to sex. I think an exmo would probably understand that getting to know each other first doesn't have to feel like rejection- it can make it better in the end- Knowing each other better+knowing you really like each other=less self-conscious which = better sex!)
I think it's the "Forbidden" aspect that is the turn on. My maid of honor at my wedding,(well at the reception in the gym, that happens after the temple) she was lds and left years later, and became a born again christian, and got it on with another member. She reported from the front that it was the hottest thing she'd ever had, DUE to the fact they weren't supposed to be having sex!