A lot has been made of how mormonism can ruin your sex life, but has anyone run into this?

I've had insanely satisfying physical relationships with questioning/exmormons- so much passion, the ability to hold out until you were both about to go crazy from desire, more attention to the nuances that build up anticipation...  I mean, the first time I almost had sex, I was 13.  The first time I really did have sex, I was 23.  That's 10 years of perfecting foreplay.  

But my most recent sexual relationship was with a guy who's never been mormon (nevermo, do you call them?) and...I dunno man, it was lacking.  Because sex was a given, there wasn't all that awesome build up ("will we, won't we?  Who knows!  Ahhhh!  We just went a little further, maybe we will!  Ohhh, he just sighed and pulled away and is attempting to calm himself down, maybe we won't...WAIT!!!  He's coming back for more, maybe we will!") it was just like, oh, he's stroking my shoulder, I guess we'll have sex now.

I don't miss the guilt, but I wouldn't mind finding another exmo who gets what anticipation is all about!

Anybody thinks exmo's who don't feel guilty are where it's at, sexually?!?  I DO I DO!!!!

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I had several lovers in high school, and I don't recall guilt.  A few more in college that we didn't think much about.  This was before the 80's when people became more careful.   Then I returned to the church, married a mo, and I can compare that guilt wise to all the others.  It wasn't great sex, and he liked to be in control, but guilt?  Naw.
Thats pretty hard to say, and I would not dare generalize it at that level.  Some people are just better lovers, period.  My pre-marital experience is a long time ago so I don't think I will draw on it anecdotally, but unless the Ex-Mo has shed guilt and been able to embrace sexuality and good, healthy, and all that - I can't see how they would be more inclined as a better lover.
I agree. There's a certain glint in the eye and a fire in the belly when two formerly less-than-enlightened people become enlightened. This carries over to sex. I don't know if it has something to do with a latent something or other that hints at their doing something they formerly thought to be naughty---or what. The only problem is that there still aren't enough exmos around. At least not in my neighborhood. And I hunger for the cultural commonality. My wife and I have joyously given each other our freedom to be what we want to be, but there is a dearth of opportunities for full expression...and full exchange with others that have discovered the secret of secrets: That the religious caveats on such things as sex and thinking, on a moral basis, are pretty much on a par with the other crap they shovel. We've tried the swinger scene and nudist culture, but there is nothing quite like a knowing, enlightened exmo to tickle one's fancy and to carry one to new heights of meaningful sharing (mentally or sexually---even though many of them are duds)...sort of like a perfect cup of coffee, or a fine wine that blows your mind and your palet, or a cigar that actually makes you want to smoke one. But, alas, the hinterland of Indiana seems to be a desert of such folks.
I like your post, Brian.  It's close to my feelings (and better expressed than I could).  I feel like I'm in a desert as well.

I guess my experience with nevermo's is limited, and my few experiences haven't been that great.  I think part of it is because they didn't have years to learn about all the anticipation building - it seems that they found a willing partner and progressed from making out to sex pretty quickly, never fully realizing the potential of the make out stage, or all of the things you can do to drive your partner crazy.  Maybe they also just don't appreciate sex as much as we who've finally been let out of our cages do.  Maybe they started too early, before they understood it, maybe they were taught that it was just a physical exchange, or participated in so much meaningless sex in college that it's lost it's savor.  All I know is I'd love to meet another exmo who's on the same page as me....but I'm in Asia, so it's probably not happening any time soon  ;) (do this websites smilies look a little lechorous to anyone else?  I'm afraid my winking smiley is going to go from cute to creepy!)

I guess I shouldn't put that wall up in my head.  There are probably great nevermo lovers, I just haven't met them yet (and I'm very selective about who I'll have an intimate relationship with.  Lately I've kissed a couple of guys and they seem to feel very rejected when we don't move straight to sex.  I think an exmo would probably understand that getting to know each other first doesn't have to feel like rejection- it can make it better in the end- Knowing each other better+knowing you really like each other=less self-conscious which = better sex!)

I think sex is partly a learned thing, as we learn what our bodies can do for us.  I do regret all the pre-marital sex I had before returning to the morg to get married.  While some of it was fun, it was useless for my self esteem, since my picture of myself at the time was that these men really really liked me, and that there would be possibilities for relationships along with the sex.  Only with 3 were there relationships, that were fruitless, and painful when they ended.  We make more out of random sex than there really is, and that's what had me worried when I raised my own kids.  They did their own thing, and had as much sex as they wanted, and I doubt it did them much more good than it did me.  Especially with a 17 yr. old pregnant girl, who, gratefully miscarried.  So this whole conversation about exmo sex or nevermo sex to me is a non issue.  It's as good as how you learn to communicate with one another is.
Ever heard of love addiction?  Not saying you have it, just wondering if you ever heard of it?  The thrill of falling in love, having passionate sex with that relationship, ending it, and starting all over again.  I did it all through high school and college.  But somewhere in the back of my mind I was still looking for that special guy that was gonna be my knight in shining armor and get me away from my mother.

I think it's the "Forbidden" aspect that is the turn on. My maid of honor at my wedding,(well at the reception in the gym, that happens after the temple) she was lds and left years later, and became a born again christian, and got it on with another member. She reported from the front that it was the hottest thing she'd ever had, DUE to the fact they weren't supposed to be having sex! 

Ive never had an intimate relationship with an Ex mormon. The Mormon Church is a sexual cripple and a mummery. Im way to imaginative and experimental in my lovemaking for the Mormon Church. It was only until I met my"Turkish delight" that i realise what a cripple and a basket case for a quacks lounge the Mormon church is on members sex lives. My creative Fine Art and sex life awoke blossomed when i left the Mormon Church. Half the lovemaking my Turkish female lover and i got up too would have got me excommunicated. We found peak of uninhibited true love and ecstasy together, we were totally gone when we staring into each others eyes. My partner would dress in full ottoman belly dancing Turkish costume fabrics and serenade me seducing me each other. We would enjoy turkish Coffee and a Havana Cigar after hours of lovemaking and talk and make plans.


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