This is a song I wrote for all the people in the world who know the pain of being true to themselves and in the process losing their families, their communities, their religions all because they are gay.  It sickens me.  I know personally 1 heart that is broken from a family member who they trusted their whole lives who wrote them a letter telling them they were simply no longer welcome to come home, just because they were gay and they left the Mormon church.  I know this person well and the tears and the sobs from this person have broken my own heart.  Religion is not about love, it is about division.

 I've learned that when someone puts "god" above all, you are screwed because "god" is usually their church, or their rendering of the Bible and it ususally always ends up in judgement with you on the losing end.  Oh how I long for honest communication where you can open up to somebody and they can open up to you and there is sharing of ideas and information without one party thinking they are better than you, or more saved than you.  I hated that as a Mormon that I was saved and you weren't.  I loathed that separation between us and that stupid expectation that I had to save you, a sovereign individual. I hated crossing over your personal boundaries to "save" you when it was never my business or responsibility and you didn't need saving.  But in Mormonism, there is always something wrong with you, something that needs fixing or saving or repenting from, that is their business, making you feel so guility for living that you have to come to theym and pay your 10% to be forgiven for one more week.  I'm proud I've come out of that brainwashing so far, but "I've Had to Learn" that sometimes you lose and you have to cry into your pillow like I did last night and you get up and you realize you you are not done crying and you continue for 3 more hours because you know you can't put yourself back into a situation that is hurting you over and over and you have to say goodby just to survive, what a horrid position to be in. 

I'm ashamed of the Mormon church....their lies of the past, the hatred of blacks, women, and now gays.  It sickens me.  There will probably be some magical "revelation" down the track like there was with the blacks getting the priesthood that god suddenly approves of them.  But, it's too little too late, and the damage done is too massive.  Families have been destroyed over this issue.  It's not just a disagreement and everyone just finishes the conversation and pulls up a chair to Thanksgiving Dinner, no, like my friend who got the letter, you are not invited to Thanksgiving Dinner, Christmas Dinner, New Years Eve,'s like she has never been born.  I told her for the rest of my life she'll have a home...with me.  We'll feast and celebrate and drink lemon limes and bitters (my personal favorite).

 No one needs to go to bed lonely or wake up feeing unloved or unwanted for any reason, but especially for being gay.  I know so many gay people that are more loving, more giving, more exceptional, more inviting, more acknowledging, more compassionate, more wiling to sit and talk with you, not at you than people in the church.  Those people have saved me from the harsh reality of bigotry and "I'm better than you and when I die I'm going to live with god in the Celestial Kingdom and be a polygamous wife and be eternally pregnant and populate my own world and you aren't, and I'm just too righteous to be around you, so maybe I'll come visit you in the Telestial Kingdom, but I doubt it, I'll be too uncomfortable being around the 'unclean'". That is pretty much it.  You can't fight with that mentality, you just have to walk away or be willing to be judged your entire life for being "unworthy".

 How can you have a child and judge them the rest of their entire lives?? Wait, the answer is...did you have these children to raise individual human beings and want support and encourage these people to follow their own hearts and live along side them, OR were you just breeding future tithe payers for the Mormon Church?  Sadly, I think I was just bred, or rather adopted just to become a future breeder myself and to give all my time to run the church for free and never to know who I really am and take responsiblity for myself and have my own career, money, freedom and options.  I no longer believe I am loved by my family.  I was just part of that breeding program.  I'm coming to terms with it.  Freedom is an amazing, but you have to pay for it.  I will.  Kudos to the US Military.  Well done.  If anyone wants some company for Christmas this year let me know.

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*applause* Hear, hear.


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