LGBTQ exmos

Anyone in the postmo/exmo community who is LGBTQ or an ally, and wants to discuss LGBTQA... specific issues.

Location: support
Members: 84
Latest Activity: Apr 5

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Comment by Watergod on January 30, 2013 at 12:00pm

Great to find this website...and group! Good to read so many stories of healing!

Comment by Buzzy Brooks on September 9, 2012 at 11:02pm
Thanks Mike! : )
Comment by MikeUtah on September 9, 2012 at 5:42pm

Very nice Buzzy!  Glad to hear it went well for you and that you both found common ground to potentially continue a relationship on.  I wish you well in your dating endeavors.  

Comment by ContemplativeOne on September 9, 2012 at 5:29pm

Congrats Buzzy... I am happy for you both. Glad you two are getting to know each other. Sounds like you are off to a good start. Thanks for offering an update about how it went. Glad the support was useful. Years ago I dated a guy who, like you, had started late in life which was confusing to me. I had some judgment and figured he must be weird or just felt like I was missing something to the puzzle. Over time I came to realize that we are all raised differently and in different communities. He developed in areas I did not and vice versa. I don't think he knew or was capable of discussing it though. I came to value his sensitivity, but much of it sadly I came to value too late.

Comment by Buzzy Brooks on September 9, 2012 at 4:04pm
Returning and reporting. - Sooooo guess who used to be a Scientologist? Yep! She was quite involved in it when she was in her early 20's. She was very understanding of the whole 'bait and switch' methods that Mormonism provides. That part was relatively easy. It was harder explaining my feelings about being attracted to woman and why I hadn't felt comfortable acting on them until this point in my life. I think she related somewhat though. She was married and had a child before she figured herself out. Annnyway, it was a great date. We walked around our little touristy mountain town for about an hour and then sat down by a creek and drank mochas. She told me lots about her history relationships and apologized over and over for talking so much. I loved it. We are going to see each other again this week. I really like her. She's strong and romantic and smart. She has the cutest freckles. :) - Enough of my gushing. Thank you a hundred times over for responding. I really needed the reassureance. I promise not to annoy this group too often.
Comment by ContemplativeOne on September 7, 2012 at 9:14pm

Yah, take your time and see where it goes. Relax. She may be just as attracted to you as you are to her. She also may not be of course. For me personally if someone has kids, I am not repelled or running. I am curious and have been around kids. I think if she is the right woman, then she will be attracted to you still and vice versa. She will come with her quirks and you will both innately have a connection and understanding. Things will unfold naturally for however long the connection is supposed to be. Knowing that you have a history of six kids has me think you have a lot of basic relationship experience which will transfer to the relationship and that may have its own things to offer your dynamic.

Too much alcohol beforehand may not be the ideal way to go. If you have a bit to take the edge off that is understandable. Make sure you are safe driving of course and responsible. A lot of TBM's can get wild with drinking when they leave and especially the gay community can get self destructive with alcohol and hide from emotions that ultimately we are better to work to face, but that can take good support. While some drinking here and there can be nice, sobriety is not just about drinking, but about presence of mind, and it can be good and important to be 'sober' in relationships, and think with the mind as well as the heart and the eros.

It is natural to go through something of a 'teenage' phase for gay people who have been repressed/suppressed/oppressed for so many years. This can be i the drinking and in the dating for a lot of people. Remember though that what you assume will be an issue for people often is not and what you may not think will be an issue often is. Differences sometimes can add a lot of magic in a relationship. Or they can be the thing that makes a relationship not make sense.

I think it can be important to give yourself and others room to make mistakes and not to know and to learn together. Whether a single date or a life time relationship, you will learn some things, she will learn some things. Be present for the experience. Let her get to know you and trust the process. Better to have someone like you for who you are vs. like you for who you pretend to be. No matter how 'hot' she is, she probably isn't worth losing yourself for. But you may need to go through that lesson like so many of us have had to.

Comment by MikeUtah on September 7, 2012 at 8:40pm

Buzzy, 2 words: Just relax.  You'll be fine.  She's not a "poor woman" for having to find out about you.  She's a lucky woman!  Listen as much as you talk.  Share only what you feel comfortable with.

Comment by Buzzy Brooks on September 7, 2012 at 8:12pm
Thank you OhContemplativeOne! I really appreciate your response. Geeeeze. It now occurs to me that not only is this poor woman going to find out that this is a first first date for me, she also gets to hear that I was a Mormon. I was a serious TeeBeeM if there ever was one. I have 6 children, which she already knows about. OMG! This poor woman. AND she doesn't drink so its not like we can discuss it over a glass of wine. Maybe I need a shot of Jack before I go. How am I not going to sound like a fn idiot? - ah well, it can't be helped I guess. I wish I wasn't so attracted to her. That would be easier. Lol!!
Comment by ContemplativeOne on September 7, 2012 at 7:17pm
Buzzy... I think just relax. Some people would be honored. Some may be a bit more tentative. We all have nerves when it comes to dating and understandably so. Over time sometimes it can be easier. Sometimes more complex since you start to know common issues and sometimes are over cautious. Enjoy the journey and know that dating is a journey, whether multiple dates with the same person or dating multiple people as you figure out what you need and want and vice versa. I was partnered for several years with someone for whom I was the first date and first kiss, etc... Some things worked about that. Some things were more of a challenge. But our journey together was nice as a whole and we both learned a lot from the dating and the course our relationship took - so it does happen. Good luck. Hope you two have a nice date. Congrats on taking the first step in your journey.
Comment by Buzzy Brooks on September 7, 2012 at 5:17pm
Aloha. I am going on my very first date with a girl tomorrow! I am nervous as hell. I'm not overly worried about the typical first date stuff like 'Will she like me?!". I am worried about her reaction to the fact that I'm...well new at this. I mean do you think that would freak a person out? I mean I can't NOT tell her. That doesn't feel right. I don't know. I feel like an idiot. But she's soooo cute! And smart. And sweet. I am tempted to cancel, but I won't let myself do that. She's in one of my college classes and I don't want things to be awkward. Eeek! Any thoughts y'all? Thanks!

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