The Social Network serving the Exmormon Community
Anyone in the postmo/exmo community who is LGBTQ or an ally, and wants to discuss LGBTQA... specific issues.
Latest Activity: Apr 5
Started by MikeUtah. Last reply by Sheridan Apr 5.
Started by Adam. Last reply by Cousin It, Quentin/Brandi Mar 10.
Started by Nathan- King of the World!. Last reply by Nathan- King of the World! Dec 13, 2011.
Great to find this website...and group! Good to read so many stories of healing!
Very nice Buzzy! Glad to hear it went well for you and that you both found common ground to potentially continue a relationship on. I wish you well in your dating endeavors.
Congrats Buzzy... I am happy for you both. Glad you two are getting to know each other. Sounds like you are off to a good start. Thanks for offering an update about how it went. Glad the support was useful. Years ago I dated a guy who, like you, had started late in life which was confusing to me. I had some judgment and figured he must be weird or just felt like I was missing something to the puzzle. Over time I came to realize that we are all raised differently and in different communities. He developed in areas I did not and vice versa. I don't think he knew or was capable of discussing it though. I came to value his sensitivity, but much of it sadly I came to value too late.
Yah, take your time and see where it goes. Relax. She may be just as attracted to you as you are to her. She also may not be of course. For me personally if someone has kids, I am not repelled or running. I am curious and have been around kids. I think if she is the right woman, then she will be attracted to you still and vice versa. She will come with her quirks and you will both innately have a connection and understanding. Things will unfold naturally for however long the connection is supposed to be. Knowing that you have a history of six kids has me think you have a lot of basic relationship experience which will transfer to the relationship and that may have its own things to offer your dynamic. Too much alcohol beforehand may not be the ideal way to go. If you have a bit to take the edge off that is understandable. Make sure you are safe driving of course and responsible. A lot of TBM's can get wild with drinking when they leave and especially the gay community can get self destructive with alcohol and hide from emotions that ultimately we are better to work to face, but that can take good support. While some drinking here and there can be nice, sobriety is not just about drinking, but about presence of mind, and it can be good and important to be 'sober' in relationships, and think with the mind as well as the heart and the eros.
It is natural to go through something of a 'teenage' phase for gay people who have been repressed/suppressed/oppressed for so many years. This can be i the drinking and in the dating for a lot of people. Remember though that what you assume will be an issue for people often is not and what you may not think will be an issue often is. Differences sometimes can add a lot of magic in a relationship. Or they can be the thing that makes a relationship not make sense.
I think it can be important to give yourself and others room to make mistakes and not to know and to learn together. Whether a single date or a life time relationship, you will learn some things, she will learn some things. Be present for the experience. Let her get to know you and trust the process. Better to have someone like you for who you are vs. like you for who you pretend to be. No matter how 'hot' she is, she probably isn't worth losing yourself for. But you may need to go through that lesson like so many of us have had to.
Buzzy, 2 words: Just relax. You'll be fine. She's not a "poor woman" for having to find out about you. She's a lucky woman! Listen as much as you talk. Share only what you feel comfortable with.
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