i'm Greta Privitera, a journalist of Vanity Fair Italy. I already wrote on this forum, and i had great answers and help from a lot of users. I will write an article about mormonism and women and i'm trying to see if there are women who are interested in sharing their story. right now i'm looking for a woman who has a lot of children, a woman that is not afraid to admit that she loves her 10 children but hates being forced into procreation based on her religion. someone who if given the chance to go back in time probably wouldn't have had 10 kids.

I know, this is not so easy.

Thank you so much for your time and help!

my email: gprivitera@condenast.it


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Let's just get into more petty issues here with the church.  My son was a deacon, and was called into the bishop's office to be told he would no longer have that calling, nor would be passing the sacrament.  All because his hair was too long, and I, as his mother, thought his long, thick, black hair was rather fetching, so I, in essence, failed the system as well.  A blessing in  disguise, of course, but he left that day feeling horrible.  And I think that man should be ashamed of himself.

Find some children, ( I'm sure many are here) who grew up as the eldest of 10 or 12 children.  Add to that a female status.  And they will have stories to tell you about doing their mother's job of caring for all those kids, cleaning relentlessly like a slave, and functioning basically like a second wife, sans the sex, hopefully.  The mother can't do it all.  Take care of screaming baby while fixing breakfast for others, do the laundry, etc.  It gets pushed downhill, in a fashion that is critical in a young girl's emotional development.  I had two friends, both the oldest of a family of 13, and guess what?  Neither one ever had any kids.  One became a lawyer.  I can't remember what the other one did, but she graduated from college, thus graduating from all those kids.

To sum up the whole thing : we dont want large families we want quality families ...... and if some want large familes it is their choice but they'd bette make sure that they are quality families and that love and proper treatments are given to all members in equal and good measure

I've read all of the stories and I'm afraid I'm a bit lost.  Going back to the original question, regardless of whether it is a Mormon woman or not, I'm sure she would tell you that she loves all of her children and doesn't regret having them, but I'm sure we would all make different decisions if we had the benefit of experience, so I think the question has an obvious answer.

I do know women who would probably have more if given a second chance. I think it is a bit extreme to say anyone was forced to have 10 kids. I think responsible journalists should ask questions in a bit more objective way. The question is deisigned to create an answer that fits an agenda. Perhaps I would be more interested in responding if I didn't feel like I was being handed a torch.

Hi, as I write before, my question gave just "an example" of what i m looking for, because i know/read about women who felt like that. Probably, the problem is the language barrier. I'm not "handing torch". I'm just trying to find a woman who can say that after leaving the church she realized how much the church influenced her intimate choices, her personal life.

I have to ask "what type of woman" (and I say this the deepest respect because surely it must have a personality/circumstance type connotation) would agree or be party to bearing "so many children" because her religion suggests it?..... especially while secretly not wanting to have so many children. Is there a deeper reason for agreeing to this, other than "because the church says so"? I find it very difficult to comprehend as a woman putting myself through something like that, especially if financially it was not a viable thing to do.

It's not the "church" that tells women to have more kids than anyone should ge able to handle.   They aren't that obvious.  It's just a cultural doctrine that some people have sucked in hook, line and sinker, and the church does nothing to suggest that God might think that 3 or 4 or 6 are enough for a particular couple!!.  Couples believe that GOD wants them to have as many children as they can.  It's a very sad and sometimes destructive dogma that impacts children greatly.

I have always been of the opinion that "the Church" (whether Mormon or other) IS its people and particularly the people who 'come up' with the doctrines/rules call them what you like, that the people who attend adhere to....therefore I cannot agree with your statement that it is not "the church" that tells women to have more kids than anyone should be able to handle. Just my HO.

The only problem with this post is that you won't find it in any of the doctrinal handbooks, for women to have more children than they can handle, or, to have a large number, period.  It was somewhat different in my time, but now, I think men and women of the church take traditions of old and make them personal doctrine.  Bishops are constantly being told to stay  out of the bedroom.

I have to say that many women follow the priesthood as though it was God, and I had one dear friend who followed her husband's admonition to have children every two years because he was the head of the house.  Unfortunately, or, fortunately, after number 5, she'd ignored the doctor's warnings about spacing her children, and enough damage had been done that her husband allowed her a tubal.  While I worked in the hospital we had women in droves having tubals without their husbands knowing.  In those days we stayed 3 days normally, and the husband would head off to work the next day, and she'd get the job done, not requiring to tell him.

I am sure that the church (in general) influence the life of people who belive in it. The problem is that some people, in some point of their lives, don't have the tools to control that influence. Not just in the mormon religion, i know, but the fact that it is a more foundamentalist church helps this kind of situations.

Hi Pollypinks,

do you think you can talk about it? About, for example, the experience in the hospita?

Thank you, Greta


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