1. My Introduction to Mormonism
I grew up mostly in Santa Monica, California. I was raised with no religion, but my father used to occasionally talk about reincarnation, which he believed in. I used to take the bus to UCLA to pay on the elevators when I was in elementary school, during the Summer months. I would pass by the Los Angeles Mormon Temple. It looked a golden temple on a hill! I was mesmerized. At night the gold lights would shine on it! Wow! Truly an inspiring specter.
I wanted desperately to go inside, but eventually I was told I could not go inside but into a “Visitor’s Center”. I was given a tour of the Visitor’s Center and shown “Man’s Search for Happiness”. Being a young boy with no Bible or Christian background, I left the Visitor’s Center thinking that Joseph Smith was the Savior of the New World and Jesus was the Savior of the Old World. I didn’t understand much, and born-in-the-church-Mormons usually talk as if you already know what they are talking about, which I of course did not. But, I liked the film “Man’s Search for Happiness” and it did somewhat inspire me that there must be a greater purpose in life than just carnivals and fun-parks. I can still remember seeing the Arnold Freiberg painting in the Visitors Center of Captain Moroni leading the Stripling Warriors while he rode on his white horse. I seemed to have remembered some teacher at school telling me before that the Spanish brought horses to America, but I shrugged it off. I remember the huge statue of Christ in the lobby. I was disappointed I could not go inside the Temple. An old Temple tour guide said, “Well, the Masons don’t let people inside their Temples do they?” I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn’t know who the “Masons” were. I was 13 years old. Had the tour guide said, “Yes, you can go inside the Temple if you become a faithful Mormon and agree to keep covenants with God” then I would have begged for baptism right then and there. I was sort of an architecture fanatic back then. I was going to be an architect when I grew up, until I discovered you had to go to college to become one.
I joined the Marines (no, I was never a Marine, I got out before finishing boot camp because they enlisted me fraudulently, as they had thousands of young men at that time….1978), but in boot camp I met a few Mormons. I remember reading very “glowing” accounts of Mormons in a “Reader’s Digest” in 1976. I picked up at a doctor’s office waiting room. The articles were actually very cleverly disguised “ads” placed by LDS Public Affairs in about 1974. The articles said how mortal and honest and selfless Mormons were, and they didn’t smoke and drink. I was allergic to nicotine, and my parents were chain smokers and alcoholics. I really admired a people who did not smoke and drink.
I remember in June of 1978 reading an article in TIME magazine about the black Mormons getting the Priesthood, but had been banned from it for many years. I remember thinking, “Why would any black person want to become a Mormon?” But, then, I forgot about.
In boot camp, I met a few Mormons, and they invited me to Mormon services. I was assigned to Elders, both from Utah. One was so “fake” and “phony” he was sickening, but the other seemed more sincere. I could NOT understand what they were saying, about “restoration of keys” and “Aaronic priesthood” and “Melchizedek Priesthood”. I thought they were talking about some monkish orders. They gave me a little red copy of The Book of Mormon and Gospel Principles. I tried to read “The Book of Mormon” but it was so hard I quit after the first five pages. I understood Gospel Principles much better. I read half of that. They asked me to be baptized, and I said, “Ok, sure”. Again, I did not understand much. All I knew is that here was a huge church of people who did not smoke or drink, who believed in honesty and morality (you can see how naive I was at age 18), and had “something” I didn’t have: happiness. I wanted what they had. So, I said, “Sure, ok!” The two Elder looked at each other gleefully with HUGE bulging eyes like they had won the lottery. I was baptized on December 31st, 1978, in the swimming pool at Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, California.
I soon was discharged from the Marines, because they told me I was “not qualified” for Avionics (aviation electronics), because my “points” were too low. I respectfully asked “why” my recruiter had given me a contract he knew I was not qualified for. They just laughed and said, “Hahahaha! We got another one here! You f****ing idiot!” I discovered that during this time Marine Corps recruiters were giving enlistees fraudulent enlistments, the only way they could meet their monthly quotas. Anyway, I was not too happy about that, so I got a Navy attorney, and he made a few calls, and I was discharged with a “General Discharge Under Honorable Conditions” and sent home. The recruiters in fact had LIED to me, given me a bogus contract they knew was bogus, because they needed me to fill their quota for the month. Marine recruiters were doing quite a bit of that in 1977-78. Well, I didn’t want to spend four years in the Marines as a “ground pounder” so I got out, and they punished “me” for it. I was never a “Marine”. I never completely boot camp. I’ve “heard” things have changed in the Marines since then. I hope so.
2. My Introduction to Anti-Mormon Literature
Anyway, I gleefully returned home and soon became active in a Single’s Ward; which was a new concept back in 1979. At first I was active and very happy, but soon I ran into anti-Mormon literature at a local Christian bookstore. Why? Because I was looking for Mormon books. Nobody told me that Christians considered Mormonism to be a “cult”. Nobody told me that the Mormons had their own bookstores! Nobody told me anything really, they just “assumed” I knew everything they did. Born-in-the-Church Mormons are like that, they just assume you know all they do, although they know you’re a convert. Anyway, my life fell apart! The anti-Mormon books DEVASTATED ME, and I went inactive for about 17 months, mostly doing research. About 200 times I said “Mormonism is false” and about 200 times I said “Well, maybe not, let me do more research!” Finally, I said to myself: “If Mormonism is false I’ve discover that eventually, but if Mormonism is true then I’ll miss out if I don’t go back to Church!” So, I went back, taking it on “Faith”. Also, I had met some professional Anti-Mormons like Walter Martin and Ed Decker, and I knew they “lied” about this and that. Some days I would say “Mormonism is false” and others days I would say “The Anti-Mormons are liars, so Mormonism may be true” and other days I would say “They are both lying!” I was so confused, so DEPRESSED I contemplated suicide many times. I would try to get answers to my questions from other Mormons. My bishop would just shrug his shoulders and walk away. Returned missionaries would look at their watches and say, “Gee, I got a meeting to go to!” and walk away. The Institute Director at the Tacoma Institute of Religion SCREAMED at me for five minutes, and then told me to leave his office, all because I sincerely wanted answers to the questions I had. I was not “anti-Mormons”. I was a Seekers of Truth. Instead of helping me, Mormons treated me like I had the plague.
During the time I lived back in Santa Monica, mostly to get away from my drunken father and his nightly three-hour long drunken tirades! One time, he dropped his dinner plate all over the floor. I took three sheets of paper towels to clean it up. He ALMOST KILLED ME because I used three sheets of paper towels instead of one sheet, claiming I was “spending all his f****ing money”. Actually, he was a gambler, and gambling away all his money, but he needed someone else to “punish”. It was my Mom and myself, or sometimes our poor dog who he terrorized for hours. So, I went back to Santa Monica, California, where I spent most my childhood and teen years, and rented a room from a teen-age buddy. I got a job as a security patrolman, driving around in a little Datsun V-210 (something like that) with a rusted 1927 pistol on my side with the original bullets in it. Thank God I never tried to shoot it. I would drive around for 14 hours per day, six or seven days a week, checking client homes to make sure they are secure. I got about “three” response calls a night. The rest of the time I just drove around the checked doors, picked up mail and newspapers of people on vacation, and listened to the radio. I became an “expert” on rock-and-roll music played on the radio in Los Angeles in 1980-81. I made four dollars per hour, 4:15 with overtime (I worked 14 hours per day). I got off at 3pm every morning, no buses, no car, and had to walk home 4 miles. Actually, I got used to the walks and began to really enjoy them. I got to think alot during those walks. I got real skinny from the lack of food and those long, long walks home every night. When I got home I just FELL on my bed. Didn’t even try to talk off my clothing. Not even my shoes. I was too tired to take off my shoes. On days off, one day a week at most, I went to the library and did research.
3. Suzanne the Orange~Squeezer
While in Santa Monica I decided to come back into activity in the Church. I met a girl named Suzanne who took me to some Church dances. Getting Friday nights off once a month was NOT easy, but I exchanged Friday nights for Sunday nights with another patrolman. I did get to go to a few dances. Suzanne would run my leg when she let me off. She would send my flowers and bake things for me. Oh, did she love me? No. It was all a “Pull the Rug” game for her. Long story, but, basically: Mormon girl meets boy, boy is in rock band, Mormon girls falls in love with boy and wants to marry him, boy gets baptized Mormon to please girl, boy and girl get engaged, Mormon girl finds out boy has been boffing all sorts of other girls–Mormon and Gentile–while they are engaged, Mormon girls devastated, Mormon girls decides to play games with other Mormon boys, to punish rock-bank-boy, by pretending to be interested in them, then pulling the rug on them and laughing hysterically. So, this is what Suzanne did to me. She pretended to be interested, I took the bate, then she said, “Oh, I could NEVER be interested in YOU…..hahahahahahahahahahaha!” She laughed a super-CRAZY laugh like a witch or mad-scientist. She “got” me! All that “work” had paid off! Made her “feel better” to “pay back” a guy, because the man she really loved “screwed” her, so she decided she would “pull the rug” of every Mormon guy she met for awhile; at least the “inferior” ones like me, men should could never all in love with, and men she did not care about. She did this to me, and other single Mormon men in the area. She decided to go on a Mission for the Church, and she was sent to the Vina del Mar Mission in Chile, right before I moved back home to Tacoma, Washington.
Coincidences do happen! On my mission, her former companion in the Vina del Mar Mission in Chile, and her former District Leader, both came to America and got married and moved into the same apartment complex I lived in as a missionary in San Jose, California. The District Leader told me a story in very broken English. Basically, Suzanne was playing the same “games” on men in Chile. She was a beautiful girl, very easy for men to fall in love with her. She played this “game” on some poor “Chileano” fellow, pretended she loved him and was interested in him, just to “pull the rug” and laugh at how foolish he was, and he promptly killed himself. The District Leader blamed her, and told me the entire Branch asked the Mission President to remove her. He did. The next I heard of Suzanne was that she got was back in Culver City, her home town, near Santa Monica, and got pregnant out of wedlock with another rocker; not the same one but another. Naturally, she claimed “date rape” but there was no police investigation. Young single Mormon girls and women often cry “date rape” when in fact they were simply seduced willingly into sex. I heard about her 10 years later when I met her fiance’ at a Church dance in Seattle. Suzanne had by that time gotten fat, and the guy was no “looker” and not rich or anything like that. Suzanne was becoming desperate. She was not there. The guy said he was visiting friends at the dance he had not seen in years. At least she was no longer playing her cruel game. Unfortunately, I wish I could tell you that I met a beautiful woman in the Church and we got married and had children, but that never happened. Most Mormon women I met were either not interested in me at all, or like Suzanne (yes, I met more Mormon women like her), or, if interested in me at all, very physically repulsive. I discovered that beautiful Mormon women, like beautiful women everywhere, love rich men, and chase them. I was always poor, and was given the option of a fat/ugly Mormon woman, or none at all. I chose none at all.
I became friend with a Japanese-American Mormon, a friend of Suzanne and myself, who had a Masters degree in Psychology from Loyola Marymount in Los Angeles. He helped me “understand” Suzanne. He would say, “I can’t brake any confidences, but let me say this….” then he would explain that some women suffer from a certain personality disorder, women molested as children, incest victims, where they crave male attention, not affection necessarily, but attention and praise, but also seek to “punish” men at the same time. He called such woman “Orange Squeezers”. They see men as oranges, and they want the “juice” but not the “shuck”. So, they “squeeze” all the “juice” from a man (i.e. praise, attention, love), and then when throw away the shuck. I was a orange shuck. Suzanne wanted my “juice” (praise, expressions of love). She didn’t want “me”! I was a orange to be squeezed dry and then thrown away. Mormonism could not “cure” Suzanne of her personality disorder; could not cure her warped “needs” to use and deceive men, or her pathological lying and game-playing. For her, Mormonism was simply an huge “orange grove” she could play in until her hearts content. I suppose her emotional destruction of me and other unsuspecting single Mormon men did her some good. But it sure didn’t do “me” any good. I hope she eventually “found Jesus” or got some good counselling, but Mormonism could not cure her. I discovered over the years that “Mormonism” can’t make an immoral man moral, nor a lying and conniving woman truthful. All it could do is to give them “masks” to hide their real selves behind; like band-aids on skin cancer.
4. Called On A Mission
Anyway, like I said, after the Suzanne fiasco, I moved back to Tacoma, Washington, and I and was active for about 1 and 1/2 years. I worked the only job I could get, as a part-time security guard walking through old Navy ships all night at the Tacoma shipyards. Talk about “lonely”. Like the dark side of the Moon. I sware I heard voices of men talking all the time, but when I’d go to search for the voices, I’d never find anybody. I was alone on the ship at 2 or 3 am in the morning. The first workers did not show up until 7 a.m. Those old Navy ships are very, very haunted. I would see or hear or feel a lot of ghosts in my life. President Reagan was taking many Navy ships out of mothballs in order to build the U.S. Navy from 400 ships to 600, and some were being refitted at the shipyards in Tacoma. I think I made about 4 dollars per hour, maybe less. Then my father and I got into a fight (he was a drunk and abusive), and my mother, who was also drunk at the time, bloodied his face with a frying-pan to try to save me from him. I stopped her, then kissed my father’s bloody face as I cried out (because he was injured) “Dad, Dad, I love you Dad! DAD!!! DAD!!!” Anyway, I jumped into my car and rove to my bishop’s house crying, woke him up, and sat crying on his couch. My Dad was a drunk, and extremely abusive when he was drunk, which was every single night of his life. I couldn’t take any more. I was going to kill myself. I could not find a job where I could make enough to move out. To make a long story short, my bishop eventually calls me on a mission, that “he” will pay for; since two of his sons did not go on missions. He would send me, because his sons did not go. I jumped at the opportunity, not only to go on a mission, but to get away from my abusing drunk father.
I discovered later, his wife told me, that a Voice woke up the bishop, Bishop Dorman, one morning and said three times, “Send Darrick on a mission!” An audible voice, according to the bishops’s wife. Bishop Dorman never told me that, and I never asked him. All he told me that he was going to send me on a mission and pay for it himself because two of his sons did not go (a third went), and he was going to make up for that. I’m glad he sent me, because either my father was going to kill me, or I was going to kill him during one of his nightly three hour long drunken screaming rants.
Weeks before I got my “Mission call letter” my Mom, who is not Mormon, said, “Darrick, what if they send you to Morgan Hill where your brother is?” I had a half-brother in Morgan Hill, California, who I did not know well. He was 12 years older than me and joined the Marines when I was 4 and 1/2. A stranger really. I said, “Mom, they could send me to Japan, Germany, Australia! Morgan Hill?” I laughed and shook my head.
I later got my mission call, to the California San Jose Mission. My first area was…you guessed it…Morgan Hill. No, I did not convert my half-brother. So, I don’t think it was God who inspired my mother. I don’t think God wanted me to convert my half-brother to Mormonism. Instead, I think my mother was psychic, like me, and her mother. She “knew” I was going to Morgan Hill. My family on my mother’s side has a long history of psychics.
I had a few psychic experiences on my mission. I remember my companion and I trying to re-activate a Member in Pacifica, a man who smoked. While inside her house, somebody knocked on his front door. He opened, and a massive Indian stood there, about 300 pounds and six foot six; his friend and neighbor. I heard the Voice whisper: “He is a murderer!” The hair on the back of my neck stood up! I froze. The Indian was very cordial with us, and said some encouraging things to the inactive Member (who was going through a divorce). The Indian bade all us farewell and left, and the inactive Member said to us, “That was Joe my next door neighbor! He’s a great guy, but he’s going through a rough time too. He’s been falsely accused of murder, and his trial is coming up soon!”
Another time I had a dream, and in the dream was a beautiful young woman holding a baby, and she was up to her waist in the ocean, near a beach, and a wave came over her, and on the wave was a log, and the log hit her and the baby, and killed them both, and she and the baby was put into one casket, and the casket was closed on them. The next day, we met an inactive family, and the older man told us his son had lost his wife and child only five months before. They were all at Ocean Shores in Washington State, and a log on a wave had killed the woman and her child, and they buried her and the baby in the same casket so they could be together. In the years to come, I would have many more such dreams, and I would hear the Voice several more times. Mormons and ex-Mormons alike accuse me of lying or being mentally ill, because I tell them this about the Voice and my dreams, but this is what happened.
5. My 1983 Dream: Falling Into The Sun
I was exciting about going on a Mission, and also getting away from my abusive-drunken-screaming father for 18 months. As I was preparing for my mission I fasted and prayed. I remember doing to an Institute of Religion class, and hearing the instructor there tell us that Jesus was returning around the year 2000, because Adam was created 4000 B.C., and mankind would have 6,000 years of history upon this planet, and 2,000 A.D. was the beginning of the 6th Thousand Years, the “Sabbath” or Millennium. I remember fasting and praying, to know if this would be true. I prayed and prayed asking God “When will Jesus return to this Earth?” I was quite adamant about it. Then, one night, I had a dream in which I left my body, which flew above my house into the sky. It was quite exciting. I remember heading for the full moon, but instead I was dragged away from it by a powerful force, and I started “falling” toward the Sun. As the Sun became larger and larger, I began to get scared. Then the Sun took all of my vision, and I could see the massive angry flames. I prayed again. But, I fell into the Sun, and I felt nothing. Then it seemed I entered into a large blue sky that went on forever, and within the sky was a white sun, and other suns circling it. I approached the white sun, and suddenly a being of light appeared to me from nowhere. The being was “typical”: white hair, eyes flame of fire, in a white robe that shined. But, he was beardless, had a “missionary” type haircut, and appeared about 20 years of age. I asked, “When will Jesus return to the Earth?” He opened his mouth and it seemed like a thousand choirs of men were talking, but I couldn’t understand the words, but in my mind he said, “He is in New York City!” I asked again, and got the same answer. Then, suddenly, I woke up in my room, in a cold sweat. I remember thinking how livid the dream it was, and how strange. I remember thinking later that the notion that Jesus was living in New York City in 1983 was bizaar and quite absurd.
6. My Temple Experience
A week before I was to report to the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo, I got the flu. But, I had not yet been endowed. So, my bishop decided I had to be endowed before I go to Provo, so he took me with he and his wife to the temple. From reading anti-Mormon literature, I knew basically what went on in the Temple. Some anti-Mormon literature suggested there was touching of private parts, but I knew that could not be the case, or could it? I would not allow for that. I head heard about “blood oaths” but I was confident that the Anti-Mormons has lied about that. Anyway, my temple experience was not good. We were rushed through as fast as possible. The temple robes were absurd. Changing the temple clothing in the cinema-seats in the Temple room was clumsy and awkward. The washings and anointings were uncomfortable, but the washer only touched my hip-bone. I figure my doctor did worse, so I didn’t let it bother me. The film was very poorly made, like a cheap high school film, and mostly badly acted. I thought the part about Lucifer and the Protestant minister was too mocking. Was God saying only Protestant ministers were hirelings of Satan? What about the ministers of all other other religions? Did not make sense. I was extremely disappointed with the covenants: which basically said give all you have to the LDS Church, don’t mock Church leaders (mocking others is ok apparently), and don’t laugh too much! I remember not remembering the secret words or handshakes (I had a very high temperature), and the temple worker looked at me very angrily and kept throwing down my arm violently, because I didn’t get them right, and he giving me a look like: “You STUPID ASS!” When I finally go through the veil into the Celestial Room I noticed a blank wall which separated the veil workers and the celestial room, and I remember thinking to myself, “This is Mormonism…a blank wall!” I was startled by that thought. When I got into the Celestial Room and sat down I had 100 questions, and started to ask another guy there who was from my Ward, but he said, “Well, we really can’t talk about those things!” We were “in” the Temple! Then, we all got rushed out because another group was coming through. I remember the drive home thinking, “That was just not of God! God could not be behind that! Oh my God! I don’t believe in Mormonism!” On the way home, I convinced myself that I needed to have more faith, and that I was not spiritually prepared enough for the Temple experience. Had I been
more prepared, I would have enjoyed it and understood it instead of hating it and feeling like God had nothing to do with it.
In any case, I got home that night, and in my room I could hear voices very clearly, speaking languages I could not understand, in the air, in different parts of my room. I did not know if this was from my high fever (I had the flu), or because the “veil” between the worlds had been rent because I’d been Endowed. The voices were speaking to each other, male and female, and languages I have never heard even to date. Very clearly. Some close to me, others in the corner or near the ceiling. Not talking to me, but to each other. It scared me terribly. I hid under my covers shaking until I fell asleep.
7. My MTC Experience
I spent three weeks at the Missionary Training Ccenter, and was disappointed how UNspiritual it was. It was all about “If you are a success in your mission, you’ll be a success in life”. All about “success” and “goals”. Nothing really about Jesus. All about “success”. I just felt something was not right. I would learn later about “The Gospel of Gain” and how much some Mormons, especially affluent Mormons, love it, and have replaced the Gospel of Jesus with the Gospel of Gain in most affluent Wards. What they taught us in the MTC might work somewhat well in the Bible-belt, or perhaps in Appleton Wisconsin, but, I would later painfully discover, was almost completely and utterly useless in the liberal/new age/hippie/educated/upper-middle-class/affluent cities of Morgan Hill, San Jose, Los Gatos, Palto Alto, Pacifica, and San Francisco California.
My MTC companion confided in me he didn’t believe in God, but came on a mission because his bishop promised to hire him as a salesman in his insurance company if he did. He confessed that he had “done things with girls” on the night before he was Endowed, a day or two before coming to the MTC. That Elder would become the highest baptizing English-speaking Elder on my mission. Not because he was spiritual, he wasn’t. NOT because he kept the Mission Rules. He didn’t. NOT because he worked the hardest. He didn’t. It was because he was the most charismatic, the best “salesmen”. He became engaged to the daughter of a bishop in Gilroy, California, while on his mission; the daughter of a bishop and insurance broker.
8. My Mission Experience
Most of my mission was negative. I had three very “bad” companions; two of them bullies who made my life a living hell. I had one companion, Elder Jeff Aldridge from Virginia. He made my mission “heaven”. Loved that guy. The best companion I ever had. Four months of pure joy in Pacifica, California, on the coast south of San Francisco. One of the best friends I ever had. I only wish all my companions would have been like him. He read at a third grade level, but had a heart of gold. But, most of my companions were either bullies or immoral young men who didn’t know why they were there. This was during the time President Kimball was trying to send all “all young men”, even the most immoral. He sincerely thought a mission would “reform” bad Mormon men. But it doesn’t work like that. Young immoral Mormon men make young immoral Mormon missionaries. They don’t reform, they “deform” other missionaries like cancer deforms a human organ. Most of the people in our mission were fat and happy and either too Liberal for the Mormon Church, or fanatical Evangelicals who slammed doors and screamed at us and sometimes threatened to kill us if we didn’t leave. Most of our investigators were the boyfriends of young Mormon women whose parents pressured them into pressuring their non-mormon boyfriends into taking the discussions. Totally useless effort! None of these men cared anything about what we had to say, and when we came to the discussion on mortality (no sex of any kind before marriage), the men would begin to laugh, and one told me, “Hey, me and sally’s been f****ing like rabbits for 8 months! She’s a Mormon. She never told me you’re not supposed to f**** in this religion!” That’s about how it went. After about 4 or 5 months of this, I refused to teach such men. I was threatened to be sent home, but I said “Send me then, I’m not teaching men who are only interested in having sex with Mormon girls, or who are having sex with them and don’t want to stop!” I wasn’t sent home. Idle threat. I found that tracting was a useless waste of time. I came up with “Church-tracting”. We’d go to a Christian Church, and stand outside after services. Got a lot of contacts that way, and also we were bullied by a few. I discovered that in my mission most people were not home during the day, or if they were, they worked nights and were sleeping. We woke them up! Mormon leaders had no clue how to attract fat and happy rich white people to the Church. They weren’t interested! They were fat, happy, university-educated, skeptical of everything supernatural. That was my mission. People didn’t care about God or the Afterlife, or they were rabid anti-Mormon Evangelicals, or illegal immigrants who could not speak English. That’s about it.
9. The Heavenly Incest Doctrine
Because I had studied anti-Mormon material, many missionaries began to come to me for “answers” to the anti-Mormon questions their investigators had. The Missionary Training Center had not spent one second preparing us for anti-Mormonism other than our discussions told us that if someone asked about horses and The Book of Mormon, or any other question we didn’t have an answer for, we were supposed to change the subject and to testify of the truthfulness of the book, and encourage them to read the Book and pray about it. The missionaries were finding that just didn’t “work” with the investigators, so they came to me for answers. They began to call me by the nickname “Anti-Eve”; my last name was Evenson and I was an expert in “Anti”. Hence the nickname “Anti-Eve”.
Anyway, while I was having a discussion with other missionaries in the District one evening in another missionary apartment, the subject came up about God having sex with Mary. Of course, I had not done enough “research” before going on a mission, and I dismissed the claim as a false anti-Mormon claim. I did not think it was even possible that any Mormon leader could teach or even “hint” at such a foul and disgusting notion that God the Father would come down and have literal physical sex with His own spirit-daughter. I did not know at that time, that Mormon leaders from Brigham Young onward taught it, and many older Mormons considered it “the greatest Revelation of God to man” that Gods could have sex with their spirit-daughters to produce “Saviors” for their fallen worlds.
I explained to the missionaries that Elder McConkie did NOT teach that God had sex with Mary, but instead was simply condemning “modernistic” (liberal Protestant) teaches that denied the miraculous conception of Jesus. I did not know at the time, that Bruce R. McConkie absolutely DID teach that God and Mary had sex. Anyway, one the missionaries whom I did not know, said to me, “No, no! I have it right here!” He pulled out his copy of Mormon Doctrine and quoted McConkie stating that Jesus was “begotten by an Immortal father in the same way that mortal sons are begotten by mortal fathers”. I had never seen or heard that quote before. I was STUNNED into silence! I think I was in shock! I don’t remember leaving the missionary apartment. All I can remember is that I was in a “daze” for the next few days. I was totally, absolutely DEVASTATED!
At this point, I just wanted to go home. I wasn’t into it anymore. I still believed in the Church, but the spiritual “wind” had been knocked out of me because of the “Heavenly Incest” doctrine. I knew it wasnt true. I knew it was utter blasphemy. Yet, here was a living Apostle teaching it, in a book that almost every Member had on their shelf (Mormon Doctrine). Certainly, if this was false doctrine, the Brethren would not have allowed McConkie to write that and teach it. They could not have allowed Mormon Doctrine to see many printings in hundreds of thousands of copies. They would not have allowed the book to become the most popular Mormon book outside of the Scriptures. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I could NOT believe that God the Father came down and had sex with His spirit-daughter Mary. I just couldn’t accept it. I called the Mission President and told him I wanted to go home. He told me to meet with him the next day. I can’t remember how I go to his office. I think the District Leaders or Zone Leaders drove me. Anyway, I got to the Mission Office and told him that I could not believe that God the Father and Mary had sex, and that I wanted to go home. He said “We are not to question the Brethren, we are simply to obey them!” I replied, “I’m not questioning anyone, I just don’t believe that God had sex with Mar! Do I have to believe that to be a missionary and Member of the Church?”
President Homer did not reply to my question, even though I asked him three times. He just kept talking. He told me his friend, Boyd K. Packer (apostle), had given a talk he was going to publish as a small book, and Packer mailed it to him to get his feedback. President Homer gave me the copy that Packer mailed saying, “Elder Packer of the Twelve sent this to me to critique, I want you to have it and read it!” I suppose the Mission President thought I would be so “awed” by this that I would stay in the mission. I asked, “Do I need to believe that God and Jesus had sex in order to be a missionary and a Mormon?” He did not answer that question again, but said, “Elder Evenson, isn’t your bishop paying for your mission?” I said he was. He replied, “Elder, what do you think your bishop would think of you wanting to quite only 5 months before the end of your mission?” I had to think. Going home early now DID seem like a betrayal. So, I decided to stick it out for the last 5 months, but I was not “into it” at all. Like the walking dead. I should have went home.
At that time (early 1985), all missionaries had the option of staying for two full years, or going home at 18 months. At that time, President Hinckley was sending males out at 18 month missions in the hopes many more males would serve. Well, it was later put back at 24 months. Didn’t work. More “evidence” that the Lord does not speak to Mormon leaders. The experiment didn’t “work”. If the Lord doesn’t build the house, that house falls. That “house” fell! I absolutely did not want to spend another 6 months in the mission field. I still had a testimony of Joseph Smith and The Book of Mormon, but I didn’t have a testimony of the “Heavenly Incest Doctrine” (God had sex with Mary); nor did I “feel the Spirit” in the Wards I was in California. It was all about “success in life”. It was all about material “blessings” and “material gain”. I just didn’t feel that the Gospel of Jesus Christ was about “gain” and “success” and the accumulation of wealth and material things.
10. Coming Back Home
I came back to Tacoma, Washington, rather disappointed in my mission. I had some “good” times. But, I just didn’t enjoy most of it. I helped bring a black family into the Church, but they soon went inactive because nobody would talk to them at Church. White Mormon “culture” is just too different from black American culture for most black Americans to want to stay. I worked HARD to bring a young woman into the Church. She told us we saved her from suicide. That made me feel good. However, I found out later one of the other Elders had “sex” with her about five months after we baptized her! That Elder later became my companion after I had “lost faith” after the Bruce McConkie incident. We spent once a week going to basketball games in Oakland, way out of our mission! I don’t think the Elder even believed in God. I was there when he got the phone call to speak to the Mission President. He cried! He was excommunicated that very day, and sent on a bus home to Utah. I waved to him as the bus took off from the Greyhound station.
Ironically, the last few months on my mission I wrote a tract “Joseph Smith~Advocate for the Black People” and had a Member in San Jose whom I knew before and taught printing in high school have 5000 copies printed. I left the mission before the copies were printed, but I heard afterwards that all the Elders in the Zone distributed the 5,000 copies on one Saturday in two large black areas: one in San Francisco and one in East Palo Also, and over 20 baptisms resulted from it. I wasn’t there to see it. But, again, I doubt many of these black converts stayed active for long. White Mormon culture is just too uncomfortable for them. The Church could give them their own black Wards and Branches, but Church leaders don’t want to be perceived as “racist” so they won’t allow it, even though many black Mormons have asked for them. African-American Mormons have about a 98% inactivity rate. Again, the Church blames the blacks for this. In reality, the fault lies with Mormon leaders who refuse to give them their own branches and wards with their own local black leadership and their own vibrant energetic worship services they are accustomed to instead of the ÜBER-boring white Sacrament meetings they are supposed to sit through every Sunday.
11. The Gospel of Gain
I came home from my mission and tried to get active again. I remember viewing the General Conference at my Stake Center, and President Hinckley was offering up Mormon gold metal winners and a few more “successful” Mormons as a “sign” that the Gospel was working for them. I remember thinking, “Did the religions of the non-mormon gold-metal winners make THEM successful?” Again, Hinckley was promoting the “Gospel of Gain”; that the Gospel was about becoming rich and successful in life. I did not believe in that Gospel. I knew it was a false Gospel. And here was Hinckley promoting it in General Conference. That shook me up quite a bit. I did see the “testimony” of Elder Bruce R. McConkie before his death in 1985. He was a “broken” man, the first time I ever saw him humble. He gave an excellent testimony of Jesus as his Savior. I think he finally “got it” just before his death. Before this, he was like “Arrogance Incarnate”. Now he was humble, and cried as he testified of Jesus. He finally “got” it.
I got down on my knees one day and prayed to know if the Church was true, false, or in a state of apostasy. I knew that the Gospel of Gain was not of God. I did not feel the Spirit in the Wards I attended on my mission, save one Ward that was composed mostly of Filipinos and Polynesians, with some poor or lower-middle-class whites. The other Wards, filled with affluent Mormons, taught only the Gospel of Gain, over and over again. They were spiritual dead. Darkness seemed to be “thick” in the air in those Wards. I was embarrassed to take investigators to them.
12. Changing the Church from Within
After I came home I prayed to know if the Church was true, false, or in apostasy. I got a very strong response; that the Church was false. I ignored it. I thought that I could “change” the Church from within. I would write all sorts of books, decrying what I believed to be ‘false teachings’ in the Church, and these books would sell in LDS bookstores, and then eventually, perhaps after a generation of two, the Gospel of Gain, God had sex with Mary, Cain was the first Negro, all would be “gone” and replaced by the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know, I was terribly naive, but I was desperate. I decided to start with a book defending the Church against the Anti-Mormon claims in “The God Makers” books and films by Ed Decker: the most popular anti-Mormon works of all time. I then took my thousands of notes and wrote “The Gainsayers”; a response to “The God Makers” film. All LDS book publishers rejected outright. Years later, after the son of a Mormon publisher was DEVASTATED after his fiance’ left him because she read “The God Makers” and left the Church, that Mormon publisher decided to dust off my book and publish it; with his own unauthorized changes in it. Ironically, by the time “The Gainsayers” was published, I was completely inactive from the Church. But, I’m glad the book was published. It exposed some of the major deception used by most professional Anti-Mormons. Some Anti-Mormons are honest, but the most popular anti-Mormons are the ones who use the most lies and half-truths. I later wrote an expose’ of Decker called “Ed Decker: Man of God or Godless Con-Man?” You can read it in the links.
13. “That’s Against the Teachings of the Church!”
I later met a woman who told me I “saved her testimony” because of my book. We actually went on a date. However, during a long talk, I discovered she slept with Mormon men after ever LDS Single’s dance she went to. I tried to convince her to repent. She could not understand me. She was told from birth that she was “good” and “a royal princess” and “a daughter of God” simply because she was born Mormon. She grew up in an affluent Ward which taught only the Gospel of Gain. She had absolutely no concept that she was a sinner in need or repentance. She had no fear of Hell, because she was taught from birth “There is no Hell” by her Mormon parents and teachers. She really didn’t believe she was “sinning”. She believed what you did in “private” was ok, as long as the bishop didn’t know about it. She kept saying, “I need the sex! I NEED the orgasm!” Finally, I suggested masturbation as the “lesser evil”. She looked at me with disgust and said, “No! Of course not! Never! That’s against the teachings of the Church!”
I later reported her to her bishop. I just got sick of all the hypocrisy. Mormon culture seemed to be filled and overflowing with hypocrisy. Affluent Mormons, and those raised in affluent Wards, were the absolute worse! The richer the Mormon it seemed the more arrogant, prideful, and hypocritical. The poorer, the more humble and Christ-like.
14. “Mormon Women Only Want Worthy Priesthood-Holders!”
In dating Mormon women, I began to see a “pattern”. I was told by bishops and others that Mormon women only care about finding a “worthy Priesthood holder”. I discovered on my mission that was not true. Most couples in the affluent Wards I was assigned to had more “part member families” than Member families; always a Mormon woman married to a Non-mormon male. I was told that the women married these men because they could not find a “worthy” LDS man to marry, so were “forced” to marry a “worthy” non-Mormon. Again…like so much else in Mormonism…I discovered this was another BIG LIE. None of the non-mormon husbands were “worthy”. Most smoked and drank. Many of the Mormon wives told me their husbands cheated on them. But, they were all rich! And the richer they were, the most beautiful their Mormon wives seemed to be. Many of the women, those raised in the Church, were ignorant of even the Joseph Smith Story. They’d never cracked open The Book of Mormon. They’d been taught all their lives “The Gospel of Gain”; be a good Mormon, and God will make you a “success in life”. But, these beautiful women later realized that to be a success in life they didn’t need to be good Mormons. All they needed was a successful man. I was told all these men would be “worthy” but not even one was. I’d bee lied too….yet again.
Later, after my mission, I saw the same thing. Mormon women went for the males who could provide them with the largest home, the nicest furniture, private schools, the best cars, vacations. That they be a priesthood-holder was secondary, if considered at all. I knew wealthy Mormon men who were very immoral, and they had no trouble at all attracting Mormon girls. The Mormon girls could never “DISCERN” these men were immoral. Or, if they did, they didn’t care. I was told that Mormon women would not “date” much less marry a man who was “unworthy”. I found the opposite to be true. Attractive Mormon women told me all the time that “all” the Mormon men they dated asked them for sex, or tried to force it from them, except for me. When women discovered I was poor, and would probably always be poor, they dumped me like yesterday’s trash. I discovered that while all Mormon women say they want a “worthy priesthood-holder who honors his priesthood” in fact, they’ll marry the man with the most money. If he has the priesthood…so much the better. But, the guy with the most bucks or best materialistic prospects always wins. Always. All that is “left” is are the left-overs; the women nobody wants. These left-overs were lied to as well. They were told if they paid a full tithing, attending their meetings, kept Church callings, remained morally worthy, went on missions, they were be “blessed” with Temple marriage. Yet, if the woman was fat and/or ugly, this didn’t happen. Just another lie….in a long stream of lies.
15. The Mark Hofmann Bombings
Mark Hofmann showing his first forgery to Mormon leaders (April, 1980)
In April of 1980, Mark Hofmann, an active Mormon living in Utah, sold an old Mormon document to the LDS Church. Over five years, he would claim to discover hundreds of them, and he sold many of them secretly to Gordon B. Hinckley; who publicized the pro-Mormon ones, and “hid” the anti-Mormon ones (the documents making Joseph Smith or Brigham Young look bad) in “The Vault” next to his own office. In 1981, while at the Tacoma Institute of Religion, while reading a year-old Church News, I read about Hofmann. A “Voice” said to me, “He is a liar, and an Atheist!” Very clearly. I wrote many letters to Hinckley and other Church leaders, and made some phone calls. I was called “a conspiracy nut” when I told them that Hofmann was forging the letters. They even told my bishop to hold a Church Court on me if I didn’t stop writing and calling Church Offices about Hofmann. My bishop (Dennis Smith) asked me, “Darrick, do you believe that the Church is run by living Prophets?” I said, “Yes!” He replied, “Then how can anything ever go wrong?” I was stunned. A concluded the Voice was wrong, the Devil, or my own imagination. I forgot about it.
In October of 1985, after returning from my mission, I was working at an all-night gas station when I heard over the radio a news report that Mark Hofmann had been blown up in his car in Salt Lake City, and the day before two other people had been killed. I felt sick. I had tried to warn Church leaders about Hofmann in 1981-82, only to be called a “conspiracy nut” and told to “seek professional help” and warned that I would be excommunicated if I continued to send letters and make calls to Church offices warning them about Mark Hofmann. Later, after a police investigation, Hofmann plead guilty to two counts of murder, bombings, and hundreds of counts of forging documents. He confessed he’d been an Atheist since age 13, and only pretended to be a good Mormon because his family forced him too, and that he forged documents to prove Joseph Smith a fraud, or, in other words, he already knew Joseph Smith was a fraud, but forged to provide the proof others needed. He killed two innocent people because one of them was beginning to suspect him. He killed a second innocent person to “throw off” police from suspecting he killed the first. He was sentenced to 5 to live in prison. He is still in the Utah State Prison. I still remember Mormons telling me in 1981-82 that Mark Hofmann “had to be legit” because “the Brethren have the Spirit of Discernment…to try to FOOL THEM would be like trying to FOOL GOD! It just CAN’T HAPPEN!”
Well…I guess Mark Hofmann “fooled God”; because it DID happen, over and over again, for five years! After Hofmann confessed, I lost all faith that Church leaders were Prophets with the Spirit of Discernment as they claimed to have. I later read the book “The Mormon Murders” which is about the case, and I was shaken up horribly. In 2009 I wrote a script about Hofmann and the bombings. A film is being planned. I cannot tell you who is producing it, or Mormon leaders will use their lawyers to intimidate him. CBS was going to do a miniseries called “The Mormon Murders” back in the early 90s, but Church lawyers intimidated CBS, who then cancelled the series. Not this time!
16. Bellevue Single’s Ward Sex Scandal and Cover-Up
In 1987 I decided to leave the Church. I just didn’t believe in it anymore. I was not sure if Joseph Smith was a fraud or not, but I WAS sure that current Mormon leaders were not inspired by God at all. I went to one last Fireside, and there met a fellow, a BYU graduate, named Larry who was recently divorced. He had anti-Mormon questions, and I answered many. I had no desire to “help” others out of Mormonism. He and I would become friends and roommates for 18 months. We would be friends for about two years. During this time I actually tried “one more time” to become active again in the Church, and he and I attended the same Single’s Ward in an affluent section of Bellevue, Washington State, just east of Seattle. During that time, he would sleep with or have oral sex with dozens of young attractive Mormon women and girls. To make a long story short, I tried to inform the bishop of a single’s ward what he was doing. Naturally, I was called a “liar” because “Mormon women would NEVER do what you are saying they are doing!” I was told that Mormon women would never do anything sexual with a man before marriage, it was against their nature, and that I needed to “repent” for making up stories. I was devastated, and went inactive again. Then a new bishop came in, and single Mormon women came into his office one after the other saying, “Bishop, this guy named Larry is doing things sexually with friends of mine!” The new bishop, a good man, did something about it. He got Larry into his office, confronted him, Larry called all the women “liars”. Of course, the Mormon women who dropped a dime on Larry with the Bishop had themselves also done things sexually with Larry, until they found out that Larry didn’t love them but was only using them for sex.
Anyway, the new bishop, Bishop Johnson, a very good man, called a number of Church Courts. His mistake was, he called Church Courts of Mormon girls whose fathers were very wealthy, and members of prominent families in the Church. Anyway, Bishop Johnson was “released” (fired) after only serving 5 months. The old Bishop, Bishop Kunzler, the one who called me a “liar” was brought back in. He cancelled all Church Courts, and threatened to excommunicate anyone who continued to talk about Larry; who then moved on to another young adult Ward and started the process all over again.
I went to the other Young Adult and Single’s Wards and spoke to the Bishops, warning them against Larry. Several mocked me by bulging their eyes at me and wagging their heads at me. The other one laughed and said, “Oh, really? Well…I find that HARD TO BELIEVE!” Larry went on to sleep or have oral sex with many more young Mormon women, women and girls I was told “would NEVER do” such things. He got one of them pregnant. She had a son. Larry never married her. She married another fellow, who adopted his son. He died at age 19, in a car accident.
Well, about this time, late 1989, I had heard and seen enough! Too many lies. Too much mockery and disrespect toward me. Too much hypocrisy among the Mormons and Mormon leaders. I had enough. Ironically, just as I left the Church for good, my book “The Gainsayers” which defending the Church, was finally published and began to be sold in LDS bookstores nationwide. I sold my royalty rights to the book for $400 so I could get my car fixed.
I truly was a GUNG HO believing Mormon for years. But, over the years, I lost faith in everything “Mormon”. Mormons were not particularly honest or moral. Some were basically honest, but many were not. Mormon bishops were not “inspired of God” as I was taught. The Mormon bishops I knew could not “discern” their way out of a wet paper sack. Mormon girls were not all honest perpetual virgins as I was told. Most of them chased rich men; just like “wordly” women. I found many of them in bed with my Mormon roommates. Some were moral and honest, most fell short of being “moral” or “honest”. Some were very immoral and dishonest. Mormon leaders were Prophets who did not prophesy, Seers who did not see visions, and Revelators who did not receive Revelations. They had no “Spirit of Discernment” as they claimed to have; the Mark Hofmann Murders/Bombings in the mid-1980s should have proved that to everyone. By the way, there is a film about the Mark Hofmann Murders coming out in 2013. I helped write the script. Look for it then. I’ll put a link to the website when it is finished and availble as a DVD in 2013.
17. The Curse of Cain Cover-Up
While reading anti-Mormon literature in 1979, I discovered the “Curse of Cain Doctrine”. I was completely, absolutely DEVASTATED! I did not want to believe it. I would ask returned missionaries at Church about it, but they would look at their watches and say, “Wo! I gotta run. I have a meeting to go to!” I tried asking the bishop, he told me that blacks were cursed because Cain killed Abel. I said, “But maybe it was just opinion and not doctrine?” He smiled and wagged his head back and from side to side and said, “No! The Brethren never tell us their opinion. This is from the Lord!” I remember being so depressed because of it. Finally, I said, “Ok, this must be from God, or the Brethren would not have taught it! I accept it!” I felt happy, like a tremendous burden had been taken off. I interpreted that as God was giving me a Revelation that it was true. Now, I recognize that I had a simply psychological response: by accepting the Curse of Cain Doctrine as true and coming from God I was no longer “troubled” about it, and felt great relief.
Beginning in 1996, the Church started to “lie and deny” about the Curse of Cain. They begin to “deny” that Mormon leaders ever taught it. The Church is now saying, “We never taught it, but some Members may have believed it at one time, but it was never Church doctrine!” Of course it was official Church doctrine! The Brethren (Mormon leaders) are doing as they have always done: “Lying for the Lord”. They are lying “for the good of the Church”. Mormon leaders are now trying to blame “some Members of the Church” for the Curse of Cain Doctrine, while the TRUTH is that at least 90 per cent of active Mormons believed the Curse of Cain Doctrine when it was taught to them by Mormon leaders from the top down from 130 years! Once again, Mormon leaders are blaming the lowly rank-and-file “Members” for embarrassing things in the Mormon past that they themselves created and maintained. The Church is now trying to “cover-up” the Curse of Cain Legacy. You can read more about that in the links.
Basically, over time, I discovered everything I had been “told” as young Mormon turned out to be false:
*The Brethren have the Spirit of Discernment (No, they don’t)
*The Brethren would never lie to us! (Yes, they would! They “lie” whenever they believe it is for “the good of the Church”)
*Mormon bishops can discern who is lying to them (No, they can’t)
*Mormon women are always honest, chaste, and moral (No, they are NOT!)
*Mormon women only date men who are also honest and moral (No, Mormon women date and marry the men they think will make the most money and provide for them “The Good Life” regardless of the man’s honesty or morality)
*Material wealth means God has blessed you (No, it doesn’t)
*Material poverty means God has cursed you (No, it doesn’t)
*If you pay your tithing, attend your meetings, and live a moral life, God will send you a beautiful young woman to take to the Temple (No, He didn’t in my case, even though I attended my meetings, paid my tithing, and was moral in my private life, and I knew plenty of young GORGEOUS Mormon women who married Gentile men who smoked and drank, because they had lots of money, and I knew plenty of IMMORAL Mormon men who never repented of their immorality who also married young beautiful Mormon women in the Temple!)
*The American Indians are the descendants of Lehi the Jew and Ishmael the Arab (No, they aren’t)
*Paying tithing will prevent you from business failure and even accidents (No, it won’t)
*Saying a prayer for protection in travel prevents accidents (No, they don’t)
*The Brethren are Prophets, Seers, Revelators (No, they aren’t)
*Negroes are the cursed children of Cain (No, they are not and never were)
*The Church NEVER taught that blacks are cursed or the children of Cain (Yes, the Church DID teach that “Negroes” were the cursed and inferior children of Cain, and did so as “a doctrine of the Church” for 130 years!)
I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. Everything I was told as a young Mormon turned out to be a “lie”.
And “lies” are not of God.
18. Affluent Mormons and the Gospel of Gain
Another thing that bothered me about the Mormon Church, is that the “Gospel of Gain” or the “Health and Wealth Gospel” has become very popular in the Church especially in affluent Wards. In other words, these Mormons believe that the purpose of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is to help you to become “a success in life” (i.e. to become rich). Because I was poor, these types of Mormons always shunned me, and considered me their inferior. Some actually said to me, “I’m BETTER than you!” It reminds me of something in The Book of Mormon:
13 And the hand of providence hath smiled upon you most pleasingly, that you have obtained many riches; and because some of you have obtained more abundantly than that of your brethren ye are lifted up in the pride of your hearts, and wear stiff necks and high heads because of the costliness of your apparel, and persecute your brethren because ye suppose that ye are better than they.
14 And now, my brethren, do ye suppose that God justifieth you in this thing? Behold, I say unto you, Nay. But he condemneth you, and if ye persist in these things his judgments must speedily come unto you. (Jacob 2:13-14)
Many affluent Mormons who have fancy clothes and expensive cars “look down” and disrespect those whose clothing is not as costly, and who cars are not as new and shiny. Some of them actually said to me, “I’m BETTER than you!” The Golden Rule did not apply to me! They should treat me with contempt, yet they supposed that I had to respect them at all time, treating them as my superiors, never looking them in the face just like the “Senors” (“Lords”) (plantation owners) of Old Mexico and Argentina expected their lowly Indian serfs to keep their heads slightly bowed and their eyes down when addressing them.
Basically, there are two types of people: the “V-Types” (Verticals) and the “H-Types”(Horizontals). V type people see everyone else on a vertical scale: you are either their superior, equal, or inferior. All “racists” are V type. All “elitists” are V type. H type people see everyone as equal but different. Some are way to the left of you, or right of you, but they are not your inferiors, just “different”. I was always an H type; people are equal, but different. But, most Mormons I knew, certainly most affluent Mormons I knew, were absolutely “V” type. If they thought you were their “inferior” then they treated you as one. They did that to me all the time. I got sick of it. Physically “ill”. Many Mormons believed they would lie to me, but not I to them, they could disrespect me, but not I to them, because they were my superiors. I was “inferior” to them, so they could lie to me, or mock me, or treat me disrespectfully. Now I know how blacks felt in the South in the 1950s. Most Mormons are “V” type people, but true Saints are always “H” type, and most Mormons are not Saints…not latter-day, not former day, not any day…not even on Sunday. Latter-day Saints….they ain’t!!
Many Mormons in affluent Wards “despise the poor” because the poor remind them of failure; everything they hate. I was disrespected by them many times. Those Mormons who adhere to the “Gospel of Gain” are usually very arrogant, and very immoral in their private lives. The Gospel of Gain has become the only Gospel heard in many affluent Wards that I served in on my Mission, and later when I lived in California and Arizona and also for a time when I lived in Redmond, Washington. It was sickening. It made me ill, so ill that I had to leave Church early and go home. I have a couple of articles linked below called “The Gospel of Gain” and “The Bellevue 8th Ward Sex-Scandal and Cover-up”. Both of these articles will tell you or incidents that helped me go inactive, and eventually out of the Church completely. I think you’ll enjoy reading them.
19. No More Faith in Joseph Smith
Then there is Joseph Smith. I discovered I could not “prove” or “disprove” he was a Prophet of God. However, there was enough problems with him for me to concede I could no longer have “faith” in him. He lied about being a polygamist. He “married” his own foster daughters, girls as young as 14, and the wives of men he sent on missions to England, then denied publicly he was a polygamist. There are “problems” with his story on the First Vision, the Book of Abraham, and the Kinderhook Plates. I like the fact he had some noble qualities, like selling his horse to pay for the black slave child to be freed from slavery, or advocating that blacks should be freed and given equal rights, but….there are just too many “problems” with him, his secret life, and the other things I have mentioned. Not “enough” for me to call him a false prophet, but “enough” problems for me to NOT be able to have enough faith in him to call him a True Prophet of God anymore.
Joseph Smith May Have “Seen” Something!
Mormons and ex-Mormons are usually ignorant people. This is a harsh truth. If they “want” to believe something it is “truth”. If they “don’t want” to believe something it is a “lie”. Mormons want to believe in Joseph Smith, so they do. Ex-Mormons don’t want to believe in him, so they don’t. I will admit that Joseph Smith “may” have “seen” something in his seerstone. Although I don’t have enough faith to believe he was inspired of God, that does not mean he was not “inspired”. Just because I don’t want to believe something, doesn’t mean it can’t be true.
I admit, that he “may” have “seen” something in that seerstone as he hid it in his hat and talked for hours upon end. I admit that “The Book of Mormon” may have been some “channeled” information. Whoever wrote the book had a deep love for Jesus, and a deep understanding of human nature. The “fallen” natural men in “The Book of Mormon” remind me of so many Mormon men I knew who said “There is no Hell” and “All is well in Zion”. The present day white affluent Mormons of America remind me of the proud and arrogant Mammon-worshipping “Nephites” of “The Book of Mormon” just before the Lamanites killed them all.
I do NOT believe that The Book of Mormon is ancient history! All the evidence is firmly against believe that. However, it is hard for me to believe that Joseph Smith was “faking it” when he dictated for hours while gazing at his seerstone in his hat. Either he had beforehand memorized thousands of words, or he was actually “channeling” some information from an unseen source. I believe something paranormal may have been going on. I don’t believe the Devil inspired him, because The Book of Mormon teaches what the Bible teaches. It teaches that Jesus is the Christ, salvation by grace, there is only One God, there is a Satan and a Hell. If the “Devil” inspired Joseph Smith, then the Devil also wrote the Bible.
So, I will “admit” that Joseph Smith “may” have been a supernatural conduit. He “may” have sincerely believed that the American Indians are the descendants of Israel. I do not. All the facts are against that, and I MUST go with the FACTS….wherever those facts lead. But, then again, it is possible that Joseph Smith did “see” something, but that still does not allow me to believe he was a Prophet, because he lied too much, he was too sinful for me to put my faith in him. I certainly don’t believe that Brigham Young was inspired of God. He was one of the most evil men who ever lived! I certainly don’t have any faith in the successors of Brigham Young!
If you are a Mormon, and happy in the Church, and lead a moral and honest life, my advice to you is STAY IN THE CHURCH! The Church needs more people just like you. Don’t leave it to the hypocrites, and those who believe in the Gospel of Gain! Stay in the Church, and help take it back to the teachings found in “The Book of Mormon”.
20. My Personal View of Mormonism and The Book of Mormon
I do not believe that being a Mormon sends one to eternal Hell-fire. I believe that our own actions send us to Hell, or to Heaven. The Mormon Church does a lot of people much good by teaching the values of honesty, morality, and the teachings of Jesus as they understand it. I think “The Book of Mormon” is “inspired” in a “way” meaning that it testifies of Christ. The Book of Mormon teaches that there is One God, that Jesus paid for our sins on the Cross, that Satan and Hell exist, that we are saved by the Grace of the Holy Messiah. I think the Mormon Church should get back to the teachings of The Book of Mormon, and finally divest itself of all the false teachings of Brigham Young, who was a very evil and wicked man. I think Joseph Smith and Brigham Young will be punished for their own sins. I don’t believe, as do Evangelical Christians, that all Mormons will “burn in Hell forever” because they believe Joseph Smith was a Prophet or that The Book of Mormon is a history of Jews in ancient America. I think we send ourselves to Hell via our own actions in life.
Churches That TRULY Believe in what The Book of Mormon actually teaches
I do not believe that “The Book of Mormon” is a history of Jews in ancient America. It is obviously a book written in the 19th century. But I don’t believe it was written to “make money”. Whoever wrote the book, had a sincere love for Jesus Christ and a deep understanding of His Gospel. It is an irony that many Mormon teachings are diametrically opposed to the teachings found in “The Book of Mormon”. The following churches teach what “The Book of Mormon” actually teaches:
*The Church of Jesus Christ (Monogehela, Penn.)
*The Church of Christ (Temple Lot) Independence, Missouri
*The Remnant Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Independence, MO)
*The Restoration Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Independence, MO)
*The Church of Christ Restored (Independence, MO)
*The Church of Christ with the Elijah Message (Independence, MO)
*The Church of Jesus Christ Restoration Branches (Independence, MO)
All of the churches named above, faithfully adhere to “The Book of Mormon” doctrines; to what the book actually teaches. But the Mormon Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has taught many doctrines in the EXACT OPPOSITE of what The Book of Mormon teaches. This is because of Brigham Young, who had been a follower of a false prophet in Maine named Jacob Cochran (died 1834), taught many “Cochranite” doctrines and called it “Mormonism”. Brigham Young’s “Utah Mormonism” is actually a combination of the teachings of Joseph Smith and the teachings of Jacob Cochran. Brigham Young combined the two and called it “Mormonism”.
22. Mormon Leaders Slowly Abandoning Brigham Young’s Doctrines But Without Repudiating Brigham Young
In 1831 Brigham Young became a Mormon. In 1832, there is ample evidence that Brigham Young became a Cochranite; a follower of the false prophet Jacob Cochran of Maine (died 1835). Brigham Young “combined” the two, and called it “Mormonism”. As soon as he took control of the LDS Church in 1846, he “created” new doctrines such as Adam-God, the Curse of Cain, Heavenly Incest (God had sex with Mary), Blood Atonement, and so forth. Such doctrines were unknown in the time of Joseph Smith, who never taught “any” of these doctrines. What Mormons thought was “Mormonism” for 150 years was really “Brighamism”, or the teachings of Jacob Cochran under the “guise” of Mormonism.
The Mormon Church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) is “slowly” going back to the original teachings of “The Book of Mormon”. Many of Brigham Young’s teachings that he got from Jacob Cochran of Maine (i.e. God and Mary had sex, Negroes cursed, polygamy, salvation by works not grace, blood atonement, etc.), has been abandoned by Mormon leaders. Just recently, one Mormon Apostle (Elder Bednar) spoke in General Conference about “being born again”. This would have been UNHEARD OF just a few years ago! “The Book of Mormon” itself teaches that all men and women must be born again in order to become the sons and daughters of God. This is direct contradiction of what “Utah Mormonism” (i.e. Brighamism) taught for 150 years! As a Mormon, I never heard anything about we needed to be “born again”. We were told that if wanted to become Gods in the Celestial Kingdom we had to “follow the Brethren”; to do what they told us to do, right or wrong, to the end of our lives.
But even though Mormon Church leaders are moving away from the teachings of Brigham Young, they can never declare that Brigham Young was a false prophet! Their own power and authority rest upon Brigham Young being a true Prophet; even though Brigham Young denied twice, in General Conference, that he was a Prophet! Brigham Young denied he was a Prophet, and denied he was the rightful successor of Joseph Smith. Brigham Young declared that David Smith, the youngest son of Joseph Smith, was the rightful successor. But David Smith joined the
Reorganized Church that his elder brother headed.
Mormon leaders have abandoned many of Brigham Young’s doctrines: Adam-God, blood atonement, heavenly incest (God and Mary had sex), salvation by works, Curse of Cain, but Mormon leaders CANNOT abandon the name of Brigham Young, because they are the successors of Brigham Young. To call him a “false prophet” would make themselves the successors of a false prophet! This…they cannot do. So, they continue to call him a “Prophet of God” while at the same time, they are slowly “weaning” the Mormons away from Brighamite doctrines they themselves once adhered to and were raised to believe were Eternal Truths.
I believe one can be a “good Christian” in the Mormon Church today, as long as they do not adhere to the unique and disgusting doctrines of Brigham Young (that he learned from Jacob Cochran), and as long as one truly loves the Lord and seek to serve Him. I don’t believe one has to “reject” Joseph Smith and The Book of Mormon in order to be a Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ saves all men who sincerely come to Him. The Mormon Church is a wonderful organization, and I believe it is “changing” for the better. It is becoming more Christ-centered. It is slowly but surely abandoning the false and blasphemous doctrines of Brigham Young, and getting back to the beautiful teachings found in “The Book of Mormon”. I hope this trend will continue, and I think it will. I hope and pray it will.
I regret the time I spent in the LDS Church. I found no "wife". I was too poor to find an attractive woman to marry me. I was not a seeker of sex and wealth like all my Mormon friends. I was a seeker of Truth. And I finally found the Truth...in Dr. Dahesh.
I've only been signed up a few hours and recognize the typical post by Darrick T. Evenson ;)
Darrick must get around for many to know of him before arriving here.
I too believe on can be a productive Christian in the mormon church. I think God is the only one who knows the goodness of our hearts, not others who want declarations from us to prove to them we are Christians. We needn't declare any "magic" words to anyone in order to believe in following the beliefs of Christ. In my home state of Idaho, mostly mormons, but a lot of fundamentalist Christians, they just put Romney over the top in the election process of the republicans. Blew me away. I never once thought that would happen. He's less dangerous than Santorum, that's for sure, but still right up there where my danger signals are going off. How can anyone possibly be a follower of Christ and believe in enacting policies that will enhance the rich and shit on the poor?
This was an interesting diatribe, and I'm sorry people go through this. Be that as it may, there is life at the end of the tunnel, whether in another religious setting, an atheist setting, a more meditative setting such as Buddhism, etc. People can find peace and comfort without all the legalisms and nonsense of a cultish church.