Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nathan_The_Gay_Chef on February 1, 2012 at 12:08am

Just to remind everyone, it has been almost 11 months since I first posted this, so my feelings now aren't exactly the same as my feelings then.  The reason I left the church on that day has remained the same simply because the past cannot be changed.

The last straw as I indicated above in different wording is that I think marriage can be a beautiful thing, but the choice of getting married is up to each individual alone if it is something they desire and it shouldn't be pressured on anyone.  It also most certainly should not be required in order for the same salvation should there be any someday.  

As far as the asexual part I wrote is concerned.  My overall way I see myself sexually has changed, and it depends on what you really consider asexual.  Back on the day I wrote this I would have sworn I was asexual, but that was because I didn't see enough significant evidence to consider myself anything else.

Looking at the way things are now.  This past year I have found a few men attractive and looking back before to my teen years I have found maybe a guy here and there attractive on occasion.  How I came to the conclusion that I was gay was when last semester started there was a guy in front of me in my philosophy class who was very attractive and then the thoughts came to me that even though I don't really care about a sexual relationship, kissing, or a romantic life, I have found some men attractive even though it is only around 1 and 1000 men I come across, but never once have I ever found a woman attractive.

I discovered this at the beginning of October shortly before the Ex-Mormon conference but didn't disclose it to anyone there because I was still getting used to the fact that I admitted to being gay.  I did give a speech at the end of the conference though discussing some of the reasons I had left and some of the people I had encountered with while I was still Mormon that I became friends with after leaving the church. 

However, I did come out to other Ex-Mormons eventually, then to some friends of mine locally at school and in theatre, and finally mustered up enough courage to tell my family on Christmas day.  It felt awkward at first and was wondering if I did the right thing by telling them but now I am glad it is all out and it is one less thing I have to be harassed about every family get together where someone would always have to bring up me not having a girlfriend.  

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Permalink Reply by pollypinks on February 1, 2012 at 7:35am

Nathan, whatever your sexuality, you deserve the same rights and freedoms as everyone else.  And that includes religion, if one were to choose that.  I know you've mentioned single fatherhood, and I have nothing against that.  Keep in mind it is harder to do it alone.  For those of us who've been there, we'll tell you it's hard to not have a partner to do it with.  Conflicts do arise, sickness, etc.  And children benefit from two parents.

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Permalink Reply by Don on February 1, 2012 at 7:52am

Nate,  I would like to second what Polly shared.  You have the same rights and responsibilities as anyone else.  What and how you do or do not particpate in "private affairs" has no bearing on your value or your ability to contribute to the validity of your own life, and the lives of others.  Some of the people that were the greatest examples of strong heartedness and mental power that changed lives for the better were the people that I worlked as a Union Organizer with.  Some were from other countries, some were Gay, Lesbian and Transgendered.  Their abilities to complete the matter at hand and lift others were positive examples to me.  Their value as a human, theoir ability to actively contribte to society and mankind as a whole was not determined by anything but themself and thir empowered self perception.  You are free not because someone gave you their permission to be so.  You are so because you said you are.  You speak your reality into existance.  It becomes so for you, screw others input...to a safe degree.

Latin / tu te putas, You are what you think you are.  ut videtur, ita, as a man thineth, so is he

 

You are a good man Nate.  I am pleased to know you thru  this site.

 

Don

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Permalink Reply by Nathan_The_Gay_Chef on February 1, 2012 at 9:58am

Thanks Don,

I also wanted to add that I am very impressed at how you never got upset about me ripping on you for going to a Catholic church as I seemed to do a lot.

Seeing many of your posts and discussions in the chat room I can see you are not the biased saint worshiping statue idolizing Catholic as I assumed you were when you first told me you were one of those people.  I know I've been cynical.  

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Permalink Reply by Don on February 1, 2012 at 1:48pm

One Republic "Good Life".

hahaha, Nate. :)  I always enjoy your comments.  Human life and the experience that goes with it is far more important than anything on this earth.  I dislike the actions of people that like to place everyone in a little box so they can be defined and "watched".  People should be the best self they can be.  Worrying aout what others think is worse than "leg irons".

  ok, I have to go pray to a statue, and in Latin :)

Pax tecum 

Don  

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Permalink Reply by Nathan_The_Gay_Chef on February 6, 2012 at 10:53pm

Well you can pray to whoever you want and I won't trash you so much.  However, once you start to look for the Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich, the trashing starts all over again.  

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Permalink Reply by Don on February 7, 2012 at 6:05am

In 1215 Pope Freddy the Brilliant said that the Blessed Virgin had to appear in a bowl of microwave oatmeal.  I bear humble witness of this in the name of Quaker Oats, Amen.

I am a good Catholic, I just think that everything should be open to public discourse and humor.  Sometimes people need to lighten up and get a damned life.  I love my Catholic faith, but I have no trouble speaking up.  Now, if you will excuse me you are appearing in an ice cream sandwich shortly. :)  I have to go be "moved".  Thank God the bathroom is not far away.

Don

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Permalink Reply by Nathan_The_Gay_Chef on February 1, 2012 at 9:50am

Most case workers would agree with you on this, but there are many single parent adoptions for many reasons.

For one, the amount of children up for adoption has nearly tripled since they had a policy prohibiting single parent adoptions.  Another reason is that many children who are up for adoption have issues that prevent them from being placed in your average mom and pop family.  Some of the reasons are that a male child in foster care often poses a great threat to the physical and emotional safety of smaller children.  Many have sexual abuse issues and agencies are afraid to place them with smaller children or children of the opposite sex.  

Other reasons are simply because married couples generally want to have their own children, and the ones who can't would rather adopt a baby than an older child.  The married couples who want an older child will generally want a child who doesn't have too many problems that would endanger the lives of their other children.  

I know other single parents online that have adopted and the main reason many of them adopted is simply because they were lonely.  That wasn't the only reason, but that is typically a reason for all single parent adoptions.  

I understand the risks and the potential dilemmas doing it alone, and will face them if and when it comes to that.

Right now I have so many other things to worry about right now that I can't even get tied up with that.  A problem I'm seeing quite frequently on the internet through the adoptuskids facebook fan page is that many potential parents are being shunned away for various reasons and some have been sending their homestudies in for many children of all ages for like a couple years now and have had no success.  I remember back when our family was consider adopting another child to our family four years ago we generally were only responded to by children in our own state.  They prefer not to send the children out of state for some reason.

So believe me, you can rest assured that I have thought things through and have talked to other single parents.  However, I don't want a romantic life, and being out of the church I no longer have to accept societal norms anymore. 

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Permalink Reply by pollypinks on February 1, 2012 at 10:27am

Being lonely is a piss poor reason to drag a child into one's life.  The child is given a job, from birth on, and that's not fair.  Can singles do a bang up job of raising children?  Of course.  My whole point was it is much more difficult than most people realize.  Kind of like newly weds wanting a baby.  Babies are an incredible amount of work.  And being single, to whom do you leave the children should some unexpected thing happen to you?  It sounds like I'm thinking the worst, but the worst does happen from time to time, and if you are alone, and wanting to raise children, there needs to be a back up plan.

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Permalink Reply by Nathan_The_Gay_Chef on February 1, 2012 at 10:35am

Polly unless children aren't planned all parents have them to satisfy some personal need in their life.  So under that logic nobody should have children then.  I'm not exactly sure what your motive is for trying to persuade me to change my plans but like I said, I thought these things through a lot.   I also said in the past I'm not going to adopt a baby.  

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Permalink Reply by pollypinks on February 1, 2012 at 10:40am

Nathan, My comments were in conjunction to what you had said, not necessarily about yourself.  That some people adopt because they are lonely.  I did not take this to mean you were talking about yourself necessarily.  I know of a gay couple who are in the foster program right now, using those experiences to bolster their case for adoption.  They usually take emergency situations with small children, who stay for maybe a month or so, and they have been quite surprised at the positive experiences they have had.

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Permalink Reply by Nathan_The_Gay_Chef on February 1, 2012 at 10:44am

Well I'm just stating that it is a fact that most single parents adopt due to loneliness and I don't necessarily see a problem with that.

Both parties have their needs met.  The child gets a permanent home, and the adult gets a gap in their life filled.  It isn't bringing another child into the world, it is adopting a child who is without a forever family.  

People don't do anything that doesn't benefit them. 

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