On the one hand, I don't have to deal with the nonsense that comes with living in such a Mormon centric community, but on the other hand, it's wicked hard to find real live people to hang out with who are ex-mos. One friend I made on here suggested online forums, which I have lurked and participated in. They are great and very therapeutic at times, but I still need real live people I can see, hear, and touch.


Just wondering what some of the non-morridor ex-mos are doing to combat this need to be with real people who see the world the way they do? When I tell nevermos that I just quit the Mormon church, they just glaze over. It's meaningless to them. They have no concept of the trauma that accompanies an exit. It's not their fault, but it makes it harder for me. I kind of quit explaining to people because they just couldn't get it and it only made it unnecessarily harder for me.




(Here is my shameless plug for my event: if your in NC, check the events section.)

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I highly recommend attending the PostMormon Foundation conferences. You'll meet people there that can share your experience and you may be able to maintain contact with them after the conference is over (via the internet).

It worked for me!
That would be great if they were held anywhere near the east coast. It seems like they are all out west. I can't afford the airfare and travel expenses for that.

Hi Ali,

I truley understand what you are saying. For me, there was, almost an obsession to connect with REAL people, face- to- face. My wife and I attended a few postmormon meetings in our area. It was really great. Check out their website: postmormon.org .... go to Our Community and find a chapter. Looks like there is one in Willmington, NC

good luck,

Smokey from Idaho

I totally get it.  A fomo replied to an email last week and had said in the final paragraph of the email "Glad you made it out" in response to my exit from the grip of religiousity.  Even though it's been years since I left "The Church," his words were so powerful, because another formon "got it."  It surprised me that those simple words had such a strong effect on me, but the next day on my way to work, I cried like a baby.  Just the simple fact that another human being understood and had offered that simple kindness was almost overwhelming.
For me the problem is more about finding support from other ex-mormons and less about straight up socializing. I'm not really at a loss for finding friends, more of finding people to talk about the particulars of the trauma of leaving Mormonism. When I tell never-mos that I've just left, they look at me like I've got three heads. They have no real frame of reference for it. We did try a Universalist-Unitarian congregation, but it wasn't what I wanted.
This site is the best I've found so far. I live spitting distance from the Temple (lucky me).
Sorry I'm not that helpful. There aren't a lot of exmo's I know of in my area. But regardless of that fact I've managed to meet people who either I have stuff in common with outside of any religious talk or likeminded people who were nevermo and some of my nevermo friends were happy to hear I'd left Mormonism. There's just not a lot of non-religious or exmos at all in my community.
I'd like to add not to count out people who aren't exmos. Some who have left other religions like Jehovah's Witness or Catholicism may be able to understand some of the pain. Just because some church's aren't as cultish or way of life like like the Mormon religion is doesn't necessarily mean that they weren't turned away by their families and friends who had a hard time.
I'm going to politely disagree. Certain things about human suffering are universal, but there are a lot of nuances to very specific situations, such as leaving mormonism, that require the support of someone who understands those nuances. I have a million friends that are of differing faiths, or no faith, and any other myriad of life situations. Seriously, my siblings jokingly refer to me as friend velcro. When you tell these never-mos that you've left, they absolutely can't grasp what that means. It's not their fault, their life circumstance is just different. For many of us, leaving mormonism creates in us a profound loss that we grieve for a long time. Someone who has left another faith can no more understand what that means for me, than for me to say I understand what it means to be a widow or lose a limb in a war. It's not that others don't have sympathy, they often have it in spades, but empathy and real understanding are a different animal altogether.
I agree some things are specific to Mormonism and leaving it. That's why I said some of the pain. There can still be experiences similar enough to bond over.
I appreciate your thoughtfulness to my dilemma. I think more than anything I was complaining about how difficult it is to find ex-mos outside the morridor.  You can't underestimate how thrilled I was to find this site. We're having our first ex-mo thing in less than two weeks and I am hoping it will be a success. I really need the comradery of the ex-mo community in the form of a support group. The first two months after I left, I was on the verge of a panic attack most of every day. It has subsided quite a bit since then, but I still have those moments. It was a new thing for me, because panic attacks were not a part of my normal MO. I have high hopes for our newly formed little group. Thanks for watching out for me.

I have suffered from panic attack as well for years. My job required me to go on air every day too. Good new is they go away. When I learned to deal with it, I felt like I grew up as well as out of the church. I used to force myself to be an independent person but then finally learned to let things happen. The time you spend in the process will teach so much about you. On the other hand, I looked for other agendas that concerned myself and tried to socialize with people with the same interest. Forgive me if I am not being clear enough. English is my second language.


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