Hello. I just left the mormon church(physically) mentally I left years ago, almost as soon as I joined. Here are a few things I am struggling with:
1.) My husband is still confused, he still thinks he may be damming himself. I want to show him in a loving way that this is right for us.Any suggestions?
2.) My four year old is still asking questions, for instance, We had tea the other night ( delish) and she was so excited she told everyone. She then continued to ask me why we can drink tea now and couldnt before... She asks about Joseph Smith and if he is real. Things like that. Any suggestions?
3.) I have friends that are strong members of the LDS church and I am scared that they are going to hate me. Any suggestions?
4.) How do we remove our names from the church records?
5.) Eventually we want to go to a church, no pref. as into which religion persay, just a Christian church. When we do go should we tell other people that we are former mormons?
There are many more questions that I have , no need to over whelm everyone all at once. Thanks for the advice!!
Welcome to LAM! The suggestions below are my opinion and should only be followed if it agrees with your own logic and reason.
Just breath and live one day at a time. The next few years will be a roller-coaster of a journey, with many thrilling peaks, quick drops and low valleys. Don't feel that you have to arrive anywhere by tomorrow. Just enjoy the ride and what you are experiencing each day and you will find that all experience is valuable. Visit here as often as needed to rant, ask questions or socialize (we have a very active Chat room, and video chat option even). Good luck and enjoy the journey.
I have told almost all my LDS friends and family that I don't want to talk about it. I tell them if they want to know what issues that I have with the church they can do their own research. This has worked fairly well. Sometimes it drives me crazy to keep my mouth shut but I think it is the best way for me right now.
Before you go to another church take a break from religion. After awhile you may take a deep look at any organized religion and find you can apply the same things to that church as you can to the LDS church so you'd be setting yourself up for another heart breaker.
I would tell your husband that if he believes in anything because of fear of damnation for not doing so that is fear under duress and not true faith.
I found not supporting any God or religion works best because I don't want to live my life by a book or a cult, but that works for me.
Thanks! I never thought of that.
Have him check out some of the Journal of Discourses on line, and MormonThink.com has been very helpful for my husband. My hubby's taken over 9 months of small things here and there to finally start admitting to himself it's not what we were sold. He is all about the finance thing, so I showed him a lot of the questionable financial news articles and asked him why the church needed to own 2 hunting reserves, resort in Hawaii, spend over 4 billion on a mall revamp, etc.It got him fired up to find out for himself. Find his button and push, but be kind and use discretion -poor guy is probably chuck-full of cognitive dissonance! Hang in there! I'm still working my way out too, and I've been on this track since last summer.
Even just using the simple Courtroom Analogy--if a courtroom only displays the defendant's argument, then the defendant will always be set free! You can't have a fair trial unless you hear both sides of the argument.
I was in your husband's place with my then-fiance, and I finally decided that what was I afraid of? The church is so obviously true, and my fiance is obviously confused. So I took his challenge, ready to take everything on... And here I am! I have no idea what your husband's personality is like, so I do want to suggest that when he hopefully gets pierced with the realization of the truth, prepare for his version of the grieving process. I suggest that because I wish my now-husband was more gentle with me.
Well, what your husband is feeling is normal. Many of us go through a period of worrying that we are damming ourselves even though we know we aren't. We're taught that going against the church or doing things the church disapproves of will get us sent to outer darkness and so we can't help but worry, feel a bit guilty even. After a while of seeing for ourselves that nothing is going to come around the corner and happen to us as a result of our disbelief we calm down. Let him keep researching and reading. It helped me. The more I learn even now the more confident I am in my decision to leave.
As for your four year old. At first I was surprised that your four year old asks about Joseph Smith. Then I remembered how well my four year old remembers everything I tell her! It's amazing. I find it's best to just tell the truth- don't hold back. They're very bright at their age. In fact today when I was walking home with my 4 yr old from her swimming lessons we walked by a church. She knew the building was called a church but we don't go to church so she didnt' know what they did inside. The only time she'd been to a church was for a friends birthday party in a big room at the friends church. Today she asked me what they do in there. It was an interesting discussion and she really thought about it. I'm curious for the next few days to see what she says. I do the same thing with death. I just tell her the facts, I don't sugar coat it or anything. She understands it very well and thinks about it. Of course, she is a thinker and actually very logical.