Hello. I just left the mormon church(physically) mentally I left years ago, almost as soon as I joined. Here are a few things I am struggling with:

1.) My husband is still confused, he still thinks he may be damming himself. I want to show him in a loving way that this is right for us.Any suggestions?

2.) My four year old is still asking questions, for instance, We had tea the other night ( delish) and she was so excited she told everyone. She then continued to ask me why we can drink tea now and couldnt before... She asks about Joseph Smith and if he is real. Things like that. Any suggestions?

3.) I have friends that are strong members of the LDS church and I am scared that they are going to hate me. Any suggestions?

4.) How do we remove our names from the church records?

5.) Eventually we want to go to a church, no pref. as into which religion persay, just a Christian church. When we do go should we tell other people that we are former mormons?

There are many more questions that I have , no need to over whelm everyone all at once. Thanks for the advice!!

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Hi Brittany, 

 

Welcome to LAM!   The suggestions below are my opinion and should only be followed if it agrees with your own logic and reason.

  1. Your husband would be best served by doing some of his own reading and research.  Get him on to the web, looking over the many links under the "Study Links" menu at the top, or from the Links page.  He needs to see and decide for himself that mormonism is bunk.
  2. Tell your daughter the truth, "Joseph Smith made it up with the help of some close friends and acquaintances" etc.
  3. For your friends, only reveal or tell as much as info as you are prepared to deal with the fallout or love bombing.  Be prepared to find out which friends were real, and which were friends by association only.  As sad as it may be, you will likely see some of them fall away.  But at least you're then left with authentic friendships, friends who like you for you and not for which religion you belonged to.
  4. There is a link on the main page that explains how to request name removal.
  5. Go slow with choosing another religion.  You want to be careful of not trying to fill your church shaped hole from Mormonism with something that may be just as un-truthful.  You may find you don't need another congregation as well.  Take time to evaluate all of your spiritual beliefs to see which ones are supportable and which aren't.

Just breath and live one day at a time.  The next few years will be a roller-coaster of a journey, with many thrilling peaks, quick drops and low valleys.  Don't feel that you have to arrive anywhere by tomorrow.  Just enjoy the ride and what you are experiencing each day and you will find that all experience is valuable.  Visit here as often as needed to rant, ask questions or socialize (we have a very active Chat room, and video chat option even).  Good luck and enjoy the journey. 

I have told almost all my LDS friends and family that I don't want to talk about it.  I tell them if they want to know what issues that I have with the church they can do their own research.  This has worked fairly well.  Sometimes it drives me crazy to keep my mouth shut but I think it is the best way for me right now.

 

Before you go to another church take a break from religion.  After awhile you may take a deep look at any organized religion and find you can apply the same things to that church as you can to the LDS church so you'd be setting yourself up for another heart breaker.

 

I would tell your husband that if he believes in anything because of fear of damnation for not doing so that is fear under duress and not true faith.

 

I found not supporting any God or religion works best because I don't want to live my life by a book or a cult, but that works for me.

Those are all really helpful. I have tried to get my husband to do some research but the whole" do not look at anti mormon stuff" banter from LDS members has really got him scared to look at these things I have found. I am not sure how to approach that. I am happy though and I am ready for any of these challanges that lay ahead of us because I know that living a life as a mormon would be far worse than anything I may face now. The worst part is over...
Send him to lds apologist sites instead (fairlds, Maxwell institute, jefflindsay). These ate sites that are pro-lds and address many antimormon questions.
Just having him think about all the questions may help him see past the double-talk and circular reasoning he'll see there.

Thanks! I never thought of that.

 

Have him check out some of the Journal of Discourses on line, and MormonThink.com has been very helpful for my husband. My hubby's taken over 9 months of small things here and there to finally start admitting to himself it's not what we were sold. He is all about the finance thing, so I showed him a lot of the questionable financial news articles and asked him why the church needed to own 2 hunting reserves, resort in Hawaii, spend over 4 billion on a mall revamp, etc.It got him fired up to find out for himself. Find his button and push, but be kind and use discretion -poor guy is probably chuck-full of cognitive dissonance! Hang in there! I'm still working my way out too, and I've been on this track since last summer. 

 

Even just using the simple Courtroom Analogy--if a courtroom only displays the defendant's argument, then the defendant will always be set free! You can't have a fair trial unless you hear both sides of the argument.

 

I was in your husband's place with my then-fiance, and I finally decided that what was I afraid of? The church is so obviously true, and my fiance is obviously confused. So I took his challenge, ready to take everything on... And here I am!   I have no idea what your husband's personality is like, so I do want to suggest that when he hopefully gets pierced with the realization of the truth, prepare for his version of the grieving process. I suggest that because I wish my now-husband was more gentle with me.

 Since you have already left mentally is the freedom factor.Your mind is opened and even if your husband isnt all the way out all you have to do is let him know how it feels to breath,relax,and how it is to see from a different view.Trust is huge and it will happen.He is scared and needs you to hold his hand and guide him this time.He has been trained to be the provider and leader but this time he has too go deep within and it only takes love to get out of this cult.Im finding out what true love is now that I see life differently.Thats all he needs and you actually are making it easier for him if he wants to open the jail door.It will all work out so just let things unfold naturally.Peace..
My suggestion is learn as much as you can. I took the university route. I have been studing biblical studies for the last 5 years. It does not matter what JS said he was, if Jesus was just a man and not the Son of God. that is were the evidence points. But you  may or may not want to go down that road. iam now an athiest and my TBM's can not make me feel guilty nor do they want to debate me on the life of Jesus.

Well, what your husband is feeling is normal. Many of us go through a period of worrying that we are damming ourselves even though we know we aren't. We're taught that going against the church or doing things the church disapproves of will get us sent to outer darkness and so we can't help but worry, feel a bit guilty even. After a while of seeing for ourselves that nothing is going to come around the corner and happen to us as a result of our disbelief we calm down. Let him keep researching and reading. It helped me. The more I learn even now the more confident I am in my decision to leave.

As for your four year old. At first I was surprised that your four year old asks about Joseph Smith. Then I remembered how well my four year old remembers everything I tell her! It's amazing. I find it's best to just tell the truth- don't hold back. They're very bright at their age. In fact today when I was walking home with my 4 yr old from her swimming lessons we walked by a church. She knew the building was called a church but we don't go to church so she didnt' know what they did inside. The only time she'd been to a church was for a friends birthday party in a big room at the friends church. Today she asked me what they do in there. It was an interesting discussion and she really thought about it. I'm curious for the next few days to see what she says. I do the same thing with death. I just tell her the facts, I don't sugar coat it or anything. She understands it very well and thinks about it. Of course, she is a thinker and actually very logical.

I totally agree with you about the four year ideolgy. They are amazing. I think you are exactly right reguarding my husband. I think he knows deep down inside that everything is okay. I appreciate all of the suggestions. They are already helping.

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