Are LDS people taught to shun those who leave the church? I left the church several months ago and had my name removed from the rolls. Everyone that professed to love me so much and loved my company, now have nothing to do with me. Not one person who was in my church has contacted me.  Has anyone else had this experience?

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There are religions that shun people and do they ever take it to heart. I think people do end up being shunned, but I'm not positive I can hang it all on the religion.  I have to admit that I have not been shunned. I suppose because I pro-actively shunned everyone in the religion I cheated them out of their opportunity.  The truth is that they have been better to me than I have to them.  So I guess from my perspective it's more about the type  of person they are than the religion.

I suspect they are hurt and afraid. Frankly if you buy the doctrine they sell then it's horrible. If they truly believe then of course they feel like you shunned them by leaving. They feel you know it is true and were just too lazy or self-endulgent to want to stay.  They think you made a choice not to be with them in Heaven.  Of course from our perspective, we think you did a very smart thing.  So I guess it's just a matter of perspective and how you see the world. 

Welcome to the pains of being un-Mormon.

I wouldn't say that they are TAUGHT to shun you. I would say that it's just that they are so busy they no longer have time for you if you're not interested in the gospel. Plus, those that know that you've left the church probobaly feel totally awkward about what to say to you now. I told my TBM cousin the other day that leaving the church showed me who my real friends were. But really, when you leave a certain circle-be it by moving, ceasing to participate in some activity or whatever (whether it is church or not) you do tend to lose contact with those people. It's just kinda the way it is.

I think a lot of people on here would say that they wished the LDS would leave them alone! ha ha For some of us that has not been the experience at all. I would have preferred to have been left alone than have been told to repent multiple times. lol But still, I am sorry that this has been your experience. It can hurt pretty deeply to have people totally ignore you when you thought you were actually friends.

Me!! I left the church on may 2010 and not one person has ever contacted me, for whatever reason. I used to be the Relief Society Secretary, I taught History of the Church and was very very active, so I thought the second I left the church I would have the President of the Relief Society and the Bishop knocking at my door trying to figure out why I just stopped going.... But it never happened... Once I bumped into the President of the Relief Society at a supermarket, and she was like "Umm... Nice to see you... Hope to see you in church next sunday..." and she was gone. At first I was upset, but I think it's just the way there are, they're trying to stay away from us "sinners". I lost almost all of my LDS friends when I left the church, but I don't blame them, it's just that the church blinds you from everything else in life.

Good suggestions we. I like this approach a lot. Mormons often can't separate themselves from their religion and mistake our leaving as a gesture of wanting nothing to do with still believing Mormons.

I think I have been shunned by my childhood friend and cousin. He is a former bishop and has a holier than though attitude, condescending view of non lds and even recent converts. He does not include me in any family communication. I think he feels threatened by having an apostate in the family. there are plenty of us. He enjoys a feeling of importance and used his influence to further his business. I recently read the obituary of his sister. she smoked and drank and did not attend even though a member. the obituary was a whitewash of the actual facts because he did not want anyone to think his sister was an apostate.

One thing you need to understand that if they interchange with you they can no longer qualify for their temple recommend.  Additionally I think they are fearful that you will expose the small doubts that they are having internally and cannot even share with their spouses. Leaving or rejecting any tight knit cult organization will generate the same response...try leaving Amway you will be shunned.

Hi Claude,

You said the following: "One thing you need to understand that if they interchange with you they can no longer qualify for their temple recommend."

I am not clear on what you mean by having an interchange disqualifies you for a temple recommend. I have not been in the church for a long time, but I know of no rules that would forbide a Mormon from associations with a Non-Mormon.

Could you please clarify.


Devil Bar

The problem is not with non-Mormons it is with ex-Mormons.  One of the questions asks if you are associating with former members.  If you say yes, no recommend.

Exactly! I remember from my bishopric days the Reorganized Church was singled out and featured in the "inquisition" regarding priesthood ordination, temple worthiness etc.

And yes, I was completely shunned when I began my journey of freedom.


I'm really surprised by that. I have a lot of Mormon friends with recommends who have frequent associations with me.  I try not to step on their beliefs, but they do know my beliefs, and that they run contrary to the Mormon beliefs in every respect.

I remember being asked less specific questions, like "are you involved with any apostate groups"., but I never remember being asked if I associated with any former members, and wouldn't have thought that was grounds for not getting a temple recommend.  What little I've seen of the Mormon church does seem to reflect them getting more radical. 

Question #7 is: Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual who's teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those of accepted by the Church of Jesus  Christ of Latter Day Saints?

The fact that I'm a "Son of Perdition" as a ex-Mormon who has rejected the "plain and precious truths" of the LDS doctrine makes what I am taught and or teach diametrically opposed to the LDS Church. Therefore affiliating with me is not acceptable for the obvious reason that I may influence them to loose their testimony.

By the way you are a handsome dude, you look exactly like Cary Grant!


Yeah, I'd want Cary Grant's voice to go along with the looks, maybe in another life.

Thanks for pointing this out. I guess it is something I should l have known, but Mormon's don't avoid me.  I do have a rule about not discussing religion or denegrating other people's beliefs, so maybe that is part of it.  I did support someone on their Mission after I left, which is funny to think about.  Technically the person I supported could have lost his or her recommend by associating with me. 

I do believe if I'm not actively promoting my beliefs or speaking out against theirs, they do not feel I am violating their beliefs. Especially since I don't constitute an individual or a group who is teaching.

Practicing, well that's another story and if taken literally, would require every Mormon to shun anyone who wasn't LDS.  Taken to the extreme, LDS members couldn't associate with anyone who wasn't LDS.

Devil Bar


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