I have been a Mormon all my life although inactive from age 15 through 30. Which is good because i had a regular non-lds life during those years. I began attending again at age 30. I married a non-member Catholic which made me suspect when i returned to church, after all i was a misled "part-member". I am 52 now and I have been mentally inactive for approximately 4 years and physically inactive for 8 months. I just cant attend anymore. I am interested in peoples thoughts on removing their name from the records of the church. I am contemplating doing so. I think I need the symbolic move more than the actual record removal. Thanks for being here...this can be an isolating journey. Hard topic to bring up with your VT's.... :-)

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I am inactive and recently the RS presidency came to my home. I was kind and honest to them as I addressed having a stronger spiritual life when I did not attend church. The RS president mentioned I am on their "watch list". Oh boy, I can be talked about behind my back as if I am misled, uncaring, and, of course, not good enough. This visit cemented my decision to never go back. I don't feel anger towards them, I just want to feel "whole" and I cannot with the constant pressure of TSCC.

My mom is that way always completing the task even when she doesn't think the other wants her there. One sister that is inactive for years she visits at work because the lady won't see her elsewhere(makes excuses) so my mom catches her at her buisiness that she owns. That is pretty screwed up if you were to ask me. My mom isn't even comfortable seeing her there but she still does it anyway. It goes to show how the numbers are most important... LDS inc preaches that God gave man their agency in the GOE and the BOM states that man are free agents unto themselves... So I ask, where is the opportunity to choose? I mean I already know the Mormon Gospel I don't need anymore teaching I was baptised right? So Y all the attempts to get me back? I MADE MY CHOICE... AGENCY... practice what you preach LDS that's my point  :) but then again it comes down to what I always say "it's a buisiness"  peace out

It is screwed up to visit someone at work.  Or, you could look at it as your mom just making sure the lady is doing okay.  For those sisters, I used to just call them on the phone for a short chat.  I do feel bad about some of my visiting teaching, and some of my judgmentalism concerning it.  A dear friend on my list went to the Methodist church because her husband was a member there, and because it kept their family peaceful and together.  And I remember thinking she was such a traitor at the time.  And now I feel very badly for how I judged her.  Her marriage has survived nicely, and they seem closer than ever.

Turning point, A watch list?  Totally crossing a boundary as far as I'm concerned.  Don't hesitate to share that with her if you are ever thinking about it.  The simple fact is you don't need to be watched, and if they don't want to spend time with you simply because they really like you, the hell with them.

A "watch list" is pretty bad. Tomorrow I am going hiking with two TBM friends. I haven't seen them in a while and we used to be close. I haven't told them about my non-belief and I am wondering if I should or just leave it alone. I've just disappeared from my ward over the past year....thoughts?

My thinking is that you treat them as you would anyone else.  Don't discuss it unless the topic comes up, and just be very casual about it.  No need to make a bigger deal of it than it should be.  More and more people could care less what religion someone belongs to and so I think it best to have that attitude about your/our non-religion and just not make a big deal of it, even if the topic comes up.  Hopefully that helps them realize they shouldn't make a big deal of it either.  You're still a good person worthy of friendship and acceptance.  Anyone who fails to recognize that perhaps should be allowed or encouraged to distance themselves.

My thinking on this parallels yours mikeutah. I have to be authentic, but I don't need to set the agenda. I actually like working out and hiking and these women are some of my favorite to exercise with. I don't care what religion anyone is, I just bond with people or I don't. I can also set boundaries with people really well. I think there is a tendency on ex Mormon sites to skew TBM's as not as smart, or lacking in mental health in some way because they can't see the truth as we do. I don't want to be unaware of my own biases when I am with my TBM friends. Transitioning out of LDS conditioning is mainly being acutely aware of my own "ego" (in Tolle's definition of ego:)

Without wanting to pry I would be interested to know WHO initiated the get together.

Did you make contact first, seeing you say you haven' seen them in a while?

If THEY initiated the contact I would imagine that it is part of the "wondering why you have just disappeared from your ward over the past year....." and trying to fellowship you back into the fold.

I served on enough auxilliaries to know how it works...as I am sure many others can testify.

Maybe I am just toooo wary of ulterior motives since leaving.

On the flip side - I hope they just missed you and want to spend time with you and that it is not part of the many systems in place to reactivate members - have a great hike

You're not prying :-) one friend did initiate the contact and she has been assigned to be my VT she later confessed! But I get the pressure she feels...we met, exercised and had breakfast together. We talked about our kids and just our lives. No church brought up at all, other than I volunteered to them I was inactive by choice. My friend just looked at me and said she didn't care at all. I believed her, in fact I think she respected me. Since I may be moving to LA soon she sent me a txt asking me to please continue our friendship after I move out of the area. I think this friendship can survive the different beliefs, or at least I hope so. Thanks for the post

Remember when we were all totally active in the church?  How uncomfortable it was to be around someone who had voluntarily left the fold?  And now we've been on the other side of the coin.  So it isn't easy for anyone.  But I hate the pressure the church puts on women to perfect their visiting teaching, their mothering, their home making, yada yada yada.  All those home making meetings used to make me want to vomit, yet there I was, at nearly all of them, doing my thing.  My time would have been better spent at home with my kids.

To tell or not to tell.  What ever is comfortable.  Everyone in town knows I've been out for 24 years, but when they run into me they act like I'm still in the ward.


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