Hello

I have been a Mormon all my life although inactive from age 15 through 30. Which is good because i had a regular non-lds life during those years. I began attending again at age 30. I married a non-member Catholic which made me suspect when i returned to church, after all i was a misled "part-member". I am 52 now and I have been mentally inactive for approximately 4 years and physically inactive for 8 months. I just cant attend anymore. I am interested in peoples thoughts on removing their name from the records of the church. I am contemplating doing so. I think I need the symbolic move more than the actual record removal. Thanks for being here...this can be an isolating journey. Hard topic to bring up with your VT's.... :-)

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Good luck with your family on that Wes!  Good for you for looking out for your daughter!  

thanx mike i just put the letter in his mailbox  uh oh lol

It really is a very personal thing.

I cannot speak for anyone else so I will share my own feelings about it.

For me it was of utmost importance that I ask to have my name removed. I needed that letter of acceptance of my resignation just as much as I needed my baptismal certificate as proof of membership at the time.

Just like baptism was an important outward sign (requirement) of my membership into the church so my resignation was also an important outward sign (requirement) of my disassociating myself from all it stood for.   

I either WAS a member or I WAS NOT. Simple as that.

I also found it a lot easier to move forward and experience other things once I had made that decision - some call it closure, for me it was also very liberating.

Because the 'finding out' was tantamount to a betrayal in a marriage, I needed the divorce and the papers to verify that it was over and so to be able to move on.

Mormonism places a lot of emphasis on statistics and records - I did not want to be associated with it in any way any further and the only way to achieve that was by resignation.

These are my thoughts that worked for me and I do not have an iota of regret.

 

Enlightened, I too share your feelings on having my name removed.  I've commented to others who've been in a kind of in-between state as to what to do.  When I received a letter stating I was no longer a member of the church, it was one of the most freeing things in my life.  I felt I could then move onward, in whatever direction I chose, without being encumbered by the church.  I do also feel that for many it may feel threatening, and for those, I think it wise to just let it be for the time being, or, forever.  Perhaps a promise has been made to a loved one concerning this, and feelings run high in this department.  I never did tell my dad what I did, and he's never asked, but I think he knows.  He was ward clerk in his ward for 5 years, and I'm pretty sure he figured it out.  He also stated once that if I ever changed my mind about a person's accountability, since we've argued many times about the age of 8, and how I think that's treacherous for an 8 year old to think they are in the shits for every darn mistake they make from then on, that he'd gladly re-baptise me.  No thanks.

Well said Pollypinks - I totally agree with you about there being possible reasons for someone not having their name removed, hence my wording that what I wrote was my personal take on it for me.

About the age of 8 being the chosen age as one of accountability -----lol ----you have no idea what an old soft spot that one hit when I read it. My children are now grown up with children of their own but I distinctly remember it being one of my "pet projects" when my first child turned 8 and me "kicking against the pricks" stating that perhaps children in the States were more 'advanced' because I sure as hell did not believe an 8 year old was capable of knowing what they were letting themselves into at that age, when even some adults didn't - but then we were not told everything either at that time of agreeing to baptism (which I may add took several years of being investigators before the big dunking).

But I guess "catch 'em young" has its advantages....indoctrination has many twists and turns.

Tx for the reply xx

Technically they are not supposed to contact your family.  They're supposed to act like other churches act concerning privacy issues, but we all know they don't.  Ever wonder if your bishop kept everything a secret from his wife?  Doubtful.  Especially, when someone would call me with information about myself.

That's what you get with a lay ministry.  A bunch of people who don't know crack about crack telling you how to live, or survive a horrific trauma.  I found that particularly amusing when my dad was "called" to be a bishop of a young marrieds ward.  Here's this dude, a rageholic, controlling my mom's every move, giving counsel to young marrieds.  Hell, she couldn't even talk to a man on the street without my dad accusing her of being attracted to him.  She couldn't wear make up, or heels that made her taller than dad.  It wasn't worth it to her, because if she did, he'd just punch a hole in the wall.  The one thing I've never been able to forgive her for was sitting back while dad beat the shit out of my brother on a regular basis.  Just sat there like a rock, or something.

Ah yes, there I was at the age of 8, answering the bishop's questions like a good little robot.  Hadn't a clue what anything really meant, because how many 8 year olds do?  Those were the days when we got confirmed the next day in sacrament meeting, in a chair up by the pulpit, for all to see.  I was so shy in those days I nearly wet myself when I had to get up there.  Traumatic is the best way to put it.

I had similar guilt like feelings abt the whole idea of name removal and yeah it is selfish. So? It's a right kind of selfish. I had to realize my family, parents for the biggest part, raised me to believe in this ludicrous religion all my life and all the drama that goes with it. My God, does anyone think back to all those meetings, interviews of personal "worthiness" confession, lectures, seminary before school every morning all through high school to further indoctrinate us and a lifestyle that is someone elses desire for us greatly "persuaded" repeatedly on us from infancy. or if a convert, how they  make you take all those lessons from the missionaries even "after" baptism??? WTF OVER? Now, that's real selfishness. Let a child grow, teach it to love and to be a good asset to itself and humanity, but give it a chance to think without the fear of satan taking it's soul for searching around for truth when it's old  enough to question well. It's all so demeaning and totally selfish.  Oh, and it's done I might add, all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ... Need I say more?  With all Love to you with doubts, I say: do what ur heart tells you to do, listen to youself for once. You DO matter... Whatever heals the wounds is my answer, everyone else can deal with it... Do they feel guilty for not believing whatever we ourselves may believe now? No...  apparently not... You know, to each their own I'm not trying to show any aversion towards anothers view even mormons, but if it's not mine then it's not mine so live and let live... the mormon faith indicates that that's the gift God gave us first in the GOE, "agency"  in fact thats the whole reason we are here supposedly, to chose for ourselves... peace............ BTW, I love you folks :) this is a fantastic sight!

I agree Wes. 

I stopped being a Mormon on any level at age 15.  For many years after that, the Morg hunted me down, (I thought) every place I moved, until I realized  that my mom was giving them my info "dropping my docs" at her bishop's request.  I would have missionaries or the local bishop and counselor come and "visit" me unannounced.  They usually got quite a shock when I opened the door with hair down to my elbows and a pentagram around my neck and reluctantly invite them into an apartment that smelled like coffee and cigarette smoke.  (I quit smoking this summer! - one rebellious thing I'm glad I finally dropped.)  I got her to admit it to me and promise me she wouldn't keep updating my info with them - though I felt sorry for her because it makes her terribly uncomfortable to say no to the bishop. 

       I've been lucky, all my family except one uncle are TBM, but nobody has made me feel like an outcast or unwelcome to any family function.  (Although, like most Mormon families, the topic of conversation invariably revolves around "the church" upwards of 90%, and I just smile and nod.)

     I didn't really think much about still being "on the books" until about five years ago when I discovered the "Recovery from Mormonism" site that told me how to do it.  Like Pam A., once I thought about being counted among the sheeple, I couldn't stomach the idea that my name added to their numbers, so I sent in my carefully worded letter, and they requested for me to come in for an interview even though I'd requested no contact.  I politely but firmly declined, and a month or so later I had my official notice that I had been removed.  It felt very satisfying.  Considering the heinous and criminal actions the LDS church committed around California's Prop 8, I'm very glad I didn't have my name affiliated with what I have to now consider to be a hate group.

The comment about visiting the inactive sisters in the ward really hit me hard.  I too hated it, yet did it year after year, often being turned away, somehow thinking I was doing the Lord's will.  It wasn't an act of love.  It was an act of programming, knowing I would be judged by whether I'd done my job or not.  Something is terribly wrong in River City.

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