I have to admit I hosted a similar discussion before. I was born into the Mormon church and have a year ago had my name officially removed. Something happened and I truly experienced Christ and I have been I guess as it is called Born Again. Well, after my separation from my wife 6 years ago I came to live with my folks with my 3 yr old daughter. I have custody and in my EMS field I worked so many hours no child care could keep her. So it worked out to live here and rent from them. My delima is that I bacame active in LDS again since I was here and brought my 3 yr/old also into it. She is 9 now baptised, and as you know with TBM parents and family their claws of doctrine are constantly at work. I recently have been going to a non-denominational church and want her to go on wed nights they have such a fun and good program for kids. My Mom has fought me like Satan himself with this. We went for the 1st time tonight. She absolutely loved it. I have been getting grief from TBM mom since. I want to take her out of the LDS Church as well. I truly don't want her being tought all this BS and doing the whole seminary, etc etc etc ingrained. I know it will DEFINATELY confuse her at this time. Which is why I didn't take her out with me before but I have had enough of the CONTROLL the mormons place on me and my OWN stewardship towards my own child. I mean she IS my child...I don't want to hurt her or anyone BUT I feel it HAS to come to an end already. It just seems to get worse as time goes on. Any comments??? Wes...
If she liked it, keep taking her. Be open minded with her and help her see through some of the BS. Not sure what else to add at the moment.
That's hard. Because I mean as long as you both have custody of her, and there's no real (as defined by the state) abuse then there's not much you can do. Other then share you beliefs with her and keep going to church w/ her as long as she likes it. I don't see why they should have a beef w/ it in a way though, I mean you are still encouraging her to learn of Christ. I think that's the more important lesson from the Christian perspective.
On the Mormon Expression blog, they were discussing how as exmos we are often forced to turn our backs on our parents to save our children. You do not want the next generation to have to work their way out of the mind control the way you did, which is my biggest argument against the NOM way of life. Anyway, you are right, she is your child and it is your responsibility to stand up for what you think is best for her. It will only get more difficult to change daughter's beliefs the older she gets, let your mom know you are the parent and have the right to take her to the church of your choosing. Good luck!
thank you I did just that.... I am currently just seeking the wisdom of God to do it without causing a loss in her faith... She is a believer in it very attached so to just yank her out and expect a 9 yr/old to understand might not work... I have an app. with my pastor of childrens ministries mon he has info and books how to integrate a child this way I would like anyone to pray for us if poss. ty wes...
Yesterday I got up to take my daughter to our new christian church and my TBM mom had been encouraging my daughter all week I found to tell me of her rights to choose the church of her choice. She was telling me in front of my daughter, aren't you told at school about how you have rights. (this is hardly the rights they are teaching her about at school) I told my mom that my 9 yr old doesn't have a right to make all decisions on her own in her life especially when a parent is trying to protect her about.something. I believe that is what the term gaurdian means. A 9 y/o doesn't have the experience in this as much as I do. Mormons claim to be against Liberalism but if you look closely they're liberalist themselves whenever it suits THEIR needs as she just did trying to play the politically correct card against the biblical stand point. She went ballistic like satan incarnate on me in front of her telling me how wrong I was and playing the we're good christian church and all that phoney BS they always say about themselves. People, if every church around says you aren't christian then you might want to look at that a bit closer. If someone wants to tell me Joe Smith was born again then I beg to differ. Anyway not meaning to portray this sight is only for christians, it isn't, I just am one and this is what's going on with me. The battle for my daughters soul. Peace out.... Wes
You did a great job standing up for her- great argument for your side. Absolutely a 9 year old doesn't have enough life experience to chose her church. And like you said, that "liberalism" only stands as long as it suits their purposes. If a TBM had a 9 year old that didn't want to go to the Mormon church, you bet she would still be going anyhow.
I think you need to have a private conversation with your mother about what is appropriate to say to your child and not. If she disagrees or disapproves, that's fine, but she should address her concerns to you and NOT your daughter in order to save your daughter from feeling conflicted. If she loved the new church it sounds like she's in a good place to start transitioning out. Maybe start having conversations about how there are lots of ways to honor God and the Mormon church has some things right and some things wrong. Anyway, good luck, this can't be easy since your mom helps you take care of your girl. I hope everything works out between all three of you!
TY everyone... good advice
Gently take control....and keep her away from a damaging cult. I was about to say it is more damaging for women and then I thought to myself- na, I am not even convinced of that statement. It is just damaging to both male and female in the like, maybe just different ways. But sounds like a good youth group would really help her out for comfort and community, she will likely need more of that with a split family. The older she gets the more effects it will have on her. Does she trust you? I think making sure she trusts and knows you love her unconditionally is key here, then when you discuss issues of this matter with her, she will believe you and be more willing to hear you. Good Luck!
It is definately critical to be gentle about this simply that I may cause her to have resentments towards me and maybe even worse, God. I don't want her feeling I hurt her cause she doesn't understand why she has to stop going there yet. I tell her but she says, "but they don't teach me bad things daddy." It's difficult to have someone her age understand it's futuristic effects and further indoctrination especially when TBM family is against me.. She just likes seeing her friends and being involved. She feels comfortable. So, I am transitioning her by allowing her to go to acheivement nite everyother wed nite at LDS still as usual and she agreed to accompany me on sundays to another church. Hoping she will meet other children and be more comfortable there as well. I am trusting God cause this is really too big for me by myself. I realize his hand in this so I just stick to my guns and trust. TY for sharing with me. :) I like your pic :)
Wes- your welcome! I had another thought about your situation as well, maybe just some person perspective on teenage girls in the church. I feel quite strongly that these young girls brains are molded quite a bit at church, they feel so safe and loved there, don't get me wrong-safe and loved is good but because of those feelings their brains then become susceptible to believing everything they hear because they feel warm and fuzzy. But there is a cost. The lessons and program for these girls is to teach them that the only thing that will ever make them TRULY happy is to marry in the Temple to a worthy priesthood holder and have kids at a young age and serve serve serve till their heads spin. Some of these messages are subtle and sugar coated quite a bit but there, non the less. Although some women find joy in this, the bottom line is many do not, and then feel a deep inner struggle with the word 'should'. I should be this, I should be that. Women's brains have it tough enough with the desire to become great and wonderful, to have this added false notions beat into their heads week after week, makes things even more complex for these young girls. I have 5 daughters myself that I have deep hope they will choose paths to develop their true selves before ever entering marriage or having children. I also grew up in a split family and found that because I felt I could not entirely trust my parents to love and protect me because they were divorced after all (not good logic really-but many youth see it this way) I put way too much trust in my ward family, letting them lead me down paths that were not good for me in the big picture even though they did mean well.
I totally agree with you. I plan to transition her by letting her go to lds every other wed for acheivement night. All her cousins and all her friends are there. She has no close friends outside of that church so I felt truly led to do it that way in hope that she will meet other friends in time at our new church and want to go there on wed's also. Right now, in tears she stated she didn't want to go on wed's anymore but only to lds cause she really misses her friends and family. What could I say? My heart felt at ease to go that way so I did... for now but not a chance of seminary no way... I am planning to move soon and will slowly transition her out as she meets new friends. Thanx again Roz :)