It's me again. Thank you for the other replies in my other posts. I read  them all.


Ironically... when I am truly down and depressed, I turn to Morg music. Bitter-sweet.  I then get really mad at myself for listening to it. Like they sucked me in again. And a part of me wants to go back. Find belonging and certainty again. But I cannot. I know too much....


A penny for your thoughts?

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The familiar is comfortable, like kids who grow up going to McDonalds for hamburger and fries and feel comforted as adults by going to eat there.  We're conditioned by years of going to church, singing hymns, listening to conference after conference and the choir.  It's no surprising that you feel positive when you listen to motab.  I used to find it very uplifting too.  There is so much music choices that instill that peaceful and calm feeling besides motab.  I'd suggest a visit to the local library and to explore the possibilities.  Also, gaining an understanding of how mormonism manipulated your emotions and psychology will go a long way towards removing those thorns from the present.
I think Suspicious nailed it.  Ironically, even though I was a life-long member of the church I was never moved by the hymns.  Some of them (like the one about praising J.S.) downright bothered me.  I love ALL kinds of music, but the past several months I've mostly been listening to a Christian rock station.  I love the music and the message, it lifts me up :)

I greatly enjoyed singing the hymns when I was a believer, but very little now.  The knowledge of how much brainwashing they did to me and others is just too disgusting.  That being said, I do find myself singing a hymn maybe once a month, until I realize what the message is.  I still enjoy some of the music when I can divorce it from the message, which is not often.

I'm more partial to other xian music now, probably because it was not much of a factor in my brainwashing.  My favorite is "Amazing Grace",(which is one I know you do not like.).  Some people have made some great arrangements of that old hymn.  There is a lot of religious music which is extremely emotional if it can be separated from the message.

Once in a while I can enjoy some xmas music, and, of course I'm always up for the humorous songs, like "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer".

It's been a while since your original post, but music is one of my favorite topics, so here goes...


As mormons, we were limited (and limited ourselves) so much.  Music is a good example of this. I remember buying instrumental music CDs (no words, things like score music to a movie) that my father would take away once he heard them because they weren't something a modest, moral, ethical good mormon girl should be listening to. I would learn from that and stay away from other things on my own accord, just because I was trying to be 'good.'  I'm talking about symphony music, like classical, but modern day, no words, etc. I realize now that music like that was on the 'no-no' list because it can create emotions similar to 'the spirit.'


I too, loved the music at church and used to use it as a lifter-upper. So much so in fact, that there was one SM when they took out all of the hymns and I said something to someone about it and was told that I shouldn't prefer the music over the message.


What I ended up discovering about myself was that I liked aspects of the church music, not the actual 'church' music. So I started looking for other music that had what I liked in it. I happened to like music with multiple singing parts, that were rounds, or that had different time changes throughout the piece, or used certain instruments, as well as music that gave me that emotional boost (usually uplifting, but sometimes other emotions). 


I found, and continue to find, a lot of music out there that meet my needs, that now I realize I was never "allowed" (or later allowed myself) to listen to because it was not Mormon music. 


If you happen to like the same aspects of mormon hymns that I do, I would suggest the following groups.

- The Wailin Jennys - folk music (occasionally theist but always non-denominational), live performance album is amazing, comforting when I'm feeling down

- Great Big Sea  - folk / rock, usually upbeat

- Opera Babes

- Various Historical Black gospel songs (I get two things out of this genre. First, it's beautiful, and even as the atheist that I am, I can appreciate it for it's artistry, history and talent. Second, it was a HUGE no-no in our house to listen to anything even remotely religious that wasn't Mormon, so it feeds that little rebellious part of me.)

- Operas - although I would suggest starting with some of the more familiar ones before moving to the obscure stuff.


I've got a lot more than the list above, but I've already shown how odd some of my music choices are, so I'll leave it at that. I'd love to chat more if you're interested. Just PM me.


Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I think music is an amazing anti-depressant. Singing along is even better. Don't give up on music, just analyze what you like about mormon music and find other music out there that meets those same needs.


Good luck!


I feel for you Stormy...I'm sorry and hang in...it's not easy to leave something so much a part of your life
Stormygirl, even though the message of mormonism disgusts me, I also think you have no reason to be mad at yourself for finding the music soothing.  And, it sounds like it's not going to convert you back, so enjoying it probably has no downside, if you can stop being mad at yourself.  Well, if being torn is too bad, maybe you should try some other "spiritual" music.  I've got some more to say about music recommendations, but it will probably be tomorrow before I get it organized.

I thought I'd comment on this because ultimately we need to make a final decision and stick to it. It seems you are convicted by listening to music from your old life. I would think then you ought to consider this verse.  1Kings 18:21: Elijah went before the people and said, “How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him.” 

If the holy spirit is convicting you how long can you waver between two opinions? 

1 Corinthians 10:21 You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord’s table and the table of demons.

James 1:8  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

If you really believe in Christ, you must count the cost for being his disciple. 

2 Corinthians 5:17-18  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

I would pray that God gives you new heart and a renewing of your mind that you may take heed to your conviction.

God bless you in your journey. 

James 1:2-4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.


I generally love Mormon music as well -- unless it involves militant, marching or similar music.  (Onward Christian Soldiers drives me out of the chapel!)  To me, the ultimate bliss is found in good (or great) music.  My wife writes a lot of the music that I find satisfying and uplifting.  See my blog and write me an email if you would like a complimentary CD.





That is EXACTLY what i do! I miss the church and the music and the people and the KNOWING it is true and what to do and where I was going! It is very depressing to me not having it all anymore...


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