I have to ask, do any of you have TBM family members who act like emotional "vampires"? You know, when you walk in the door instead of genuinely asking you how you are they want to rescue their moods and come up with positive things to say to raise the mood of the house? You know, like whatever happened in your day is meaningless and it suddenly your job to make everyone else feel "ok"?
That's exactly it! Especially, "They have this "black hole" in them that sucks up everything around them and leaves you empty." When I'm around them I feel like I cease to exist. All my energy is gone, my forward momentum ceases, I am at a stand still being sucked into that black vortex. I have to intentionally emotionally fight to to stay above it, keep my thought processes active, think of some thread of conversation that I can hold onto that isn't about the church, the past, my feelings, and most importantly, so importantly, (big bold letters for effect) NEVER TALK ABOUT WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON YOUR LIFE! You know, the real issues, the hard issues. The things that make you vulnerable. You have to wear a mask of "I'm permanently ok". This is totally exhausting to me. Years ago before I officially left the family in a major way, I tried so hard to have them see my pain. They only ridiculed me.
So, yes, I certainly know how you feel. Thank you.