I was a convert. I'm now leaving the church. I never got married in the temple and I am very glad I didn't. My question is...why are Mormons so freaking preoccupied with marriage? Why do they think it's logical to tell teenage girls to get married straight out of high school and start having children right away, even if they are still in college? WHERE IS THEIR COMMON SENSE?! I have never met a group of people who are more rabidly obsessed with marriage and having babies than Mormons. Why?! 

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Because they have to bring as many baby spirits as possible to this earth...


It is totally insane, irresponsible and insensitive to people's natural balance ..... I dont have anything against marriage as long as it is the expression of two people who truly love each other and want to commit the rest of their lives to each other and the children they want to have ..... but when it is forced upon people as well as the bearing of as many children as possible it just brings disaster .... and i mean disasters.

 

I am better off away from this kind of behaviour and mindset ... i tell you ...

I call Mormon Marriage, the "Parent Trap".  Marry while young and dumb, pop out kids right away, be stuck miserably "together forever".  To outsiders and even lay members, Mormon marriage is all about finding an Eternal companion who is basically your golden ticket to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom.  On top of that, the more children you can bring to this Earth, the more righteous you are often judged to be by many members, at least in Utah culture.

To the top, inner circles and financiers in the LDS hierarchy, tithing projections are made for all members based on averages so that the church can forecast its earnings far into the future.  Converts don't make for as much solid, core member growth as children born and raised in the gospel.  So to quicken the return on investment, marriage is encouraged as soon as possible after the male priesthood holder has returned from an honorable mission to the first willing, young and naively programmed young woman who will say "Yes" to him.  Conference talks year after year, along with other church manuals and past leadership quotes, remind the new couple and youth that it's basically a sin to wait to start a family, and that the rearing of kids should not be postponed while finishing school, establishing a career or even becoming financially stable.  This is because those same tithing projections show that the sooner new broods are raised in the gospel, the sooner tithing revenues increase.  Why else would it make more sense to have kids when it is most challenging to the couple, and most depriving to the babies due to lack of funds, genuine interest and abilities, than for the couple to wait until they are done with school, have solid careers and income, are mentally and emotionally ready, and still plenty of years to pop out the mandated 3-6 kids?  What's wrong with waiting until late 20's or early 30's to start having kids?  It's all about return on investment, which is why so much money is pumped into the church education systems for seminary, institute and other youth and primary indoctrination gospel materials.  Those returns are not had until those invested youth complete their indoctrination and slave chains by serving a mission, marrying in the temple, and had babies that makes ransom and blackmail of the family possible.  That is why the obsession of marriage exists in Mormonism.

I think this is spot on, but have two additional thoughts for consideration...

 

From a business standpoint, theoretically, if you got your people into higher-paying jobs, that would bring in more tithing money over the long term, which, depending on your output (and we all know the Morg doesn't do much of that), is a better long-term survival business strategy. However, as the theory goes, higher-paying jobs come from higher educations. And the church can't have that, because with higher educations come more exposure, thinking, self-awareness and self-discipline. All of those things lead to people leaving the church and taking their tithing contributions with them.

 

I think there's also an extra aspect to the pressure to do it early because the busier a person is with their regular life, the more stressed they are, the less they think and the more they just "do as told" in order to make it through the day. Personally, I didn't start thinking about what was wrong in my life until after all of my siblings (who I was raising as my own kids) left the house. Moms with a lot of kids have zero time to do ANYTHING, much less leave their sphere of influence and get a new perspective, either through school or general life experience.  Dads with a lot of kids are struggling their hind-ends off just to make enough money to feed the brood, and are therefore running from one job to the next (and they're low-paying jobs if they don't have a degree) and aren't going to have time for much else either.  When a person is that beat-down, that stressed out and mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, it's human nature to quit sweating the "small stuff" and do what they're told because it's easy and they don't have to make yet another decision.

 

As a side note, I think the avoiding higher education issue that I mention in my first point also has to do with why unmarried women are encouraged to go on missions at 21, which is right before they finish college. So the 'fragile' young woman goes to college, gets an education on the side while she's looking for a husband and is shipped off on a mission (which blocks out everything except what the Morg wants) right before her classes get good and that higher-education sinks in.

 

It's only paranoia when it's not true.

So well said, I have always thought that marriage and babies are pushed in the LDS church for financial reasons. If they increase the number of mormons in the world it will continue to multiply and expand as will their financial income and capability.

I got married at 21 and had my first kid at 23...it makes me sick to look back and think about what direction I was following. I got remarried to the right man at 28 and had my other children after 30 and things made a lot more sense.

It is so sickening the way they push marriage on kids, MikeUtah is correct, so much money is pumped into high level, sophisticated brainwashing from a very early age. Sickening...

Part of it is the fact that sexually repressed kids want sex really bad. I have been told by my Mormon friends that they want to get married just so they can have sex. It makes it easier for the church to get youngsters to marry because they want it to some degree. The church may be evil but it isn't stupid. And they have figured out there are other ways of getting people my age (19) to start looking for that special someone.

Very true, and that is definitely part of the motivation and manipulation to get young people to marry so quickly.  It's the only way they can "legally" get their rocks off!  

i agree. and i don't think there would even BE an FLDS offshoot had the government not cared about the mormons. LDS and FLDS would be one in the same. we're not so different.

 

The last RS meeting I was in they were teaching the lesson on marriage. I remember one of the women speaking up. She spoke of a friend of her 's asked if a non-memeber could marry a mormon. She was like no. She seemed very snotty about it. My thought was wait a second isn't every member's duty to convert as many people as possible?

This is one of the things I still hate about myself in my Post-Mormon life.  I have this nagging obsession with getting married, I was raised in the church from age 7, so I got the full on dose of marriage preparations.  I don't think it's appropriate at all.  I wish I could understand the obsession, but all I can do it live with it and pray that it goes away before I go mad.  

 

It's not even a realistic view, it's the perfect housewife fairytale bullshit that I'm obsessed with and it really pisses me off.

I completely understand. I have been a member not even TWO years and I've already been sufficiently indoctrinated to believe that my only purpose in life is to get married and have babies. You are right, it is completely and entirely inappropriate. It is SO unrealistic! Mormons are always trying to convince other people AND themselves that they are constantly happy, their lives/marriages are perfect, and the solution to all your problems (if you have any) is to get married and pop 'em out. I have girlfriends (between the ages of 19 and 23) who are life-long members who CRY THEMSELVES TO SLEEP at night because they haven't yet "fulfilled heavenly father's plan" for them to become brainless robotic housewives. It's sickening. 

Don't fool yourself, the perfect housewife fairy tale doesn't exist and all the mormon chicks at church on Sunday want you to think that but reality is, they are all on anti-depressants and trying to impress their friends on a weekly basis because all they have to do all week is cook, chase kids, and complain about their husbands checking out of reality.
None of them could survive independently in the real world, the church marriage breeds dependency and loss of the individual..not for those of us women who have a brain AND choose to use it!!

All the church is doing is ruining lives that need to be lived. If people marry too quickly, then yes, they'll be able to have their "sex adventures," or some such thing as that, but at what cost? If a girl wants to go to college, get a good job, then start a family, she should be allowed to. My girlfriend told me, point blank, that she does not want to get married until after she's done with her university. I'm fine with that, but it doesn't mean that our love life ends.

 

The church needs to stop forcing kids to marry so soon. For the most part, dreams are pushed back to the farthest corner, as soon as the girl says she's pregnant. Yes, they can still try to fulfill their dreams, but once that baby pops out, they'll need to put it off until the kid's grown up enough. My own mother, a die hard mormon, got married at age 21. She didn't get her master's until she was 43. More than two decades later, and having me and my two siblings.

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