I am meeting with the Bishop today to let him know that we don't want to be visited, not to be contacted, not to be bothered and we don't need friends assigned to us.

In a good manner not with argument, though he may be interested.

Any one had a similar experience?, answer quickly, the meeting is in 3 hours!!! LOL

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A meeting isn't necessary.  I gave the bishop the following letter in the mail.


Dear Bishop X ,

I am writing to notify you that effective immediately, I and my family members do not wish to be contacted by representatives of the church at our home or my work, either by telephoning me or family members, by coming to our home or my work, or via the internet, unless we specifically request it. Specifically, you or anyone representing the church will not contact myself, my wife or our minor children by home teachers, visiting teachers, missionaries, or persons collecting fast offerings. Our reasons are personal and strictly confidential. We will not discuss our reasons with you or with any other person representing the church.

Without delay, I insist you mark our membership records as "requests no contact." I fully expect you to promptly honor our wishes by processing this request.

I assure you that we do not take this step lightly. We have not been offended by any church representative or member, or committed any grievous sin. We refuse to speak with you or anyone representing the church that attempts to argue with us about the wisdom of our decision. As part of this decision, you will immediately release myself, my wife and minor children from all local unit duties and callings. We have made this decision with that consideration well in mind.

Thank you for your courtesy and professionalism in honoring our requests without delay. We are firm and unalterable in this decision. You and only you may contact my wife or myself for the sole purpose to confirm that our "no contact" request has been completed. Our minor children are not to be contacted by you or anyone else representing the church, period.

Yours truly,



The above letter was respected and honored by the bishop.  We did not receive any visits or contact.  Four months later we resigned.

thanks, i actualy had a very good chat and i am sure we will be left alone

the bishop was a good guy that respected my decision to vsit him and explain, not many people go to him with an upfront request and desire to be left alone, so he ensured me he will do all to respect our decision. Did not judge or tried to convert me back. we spoje about the issues and freely discussed the controversies, so i think i landed on the right bishop, i am sure that others would have been not that comprehensive.


I went with the letter approach and turned in my temple recommend at the same time. About two months later got an email from him saying how hurt he was by my decision. Given that I'd had two very short conversations with him ever about what could amount to the weather, I was confused by his response and a little disgusted. I think really, he looked bad having that happen on his watch.

i feel this bishop (new in the calling) was using the coversation as a learning experience, and fortunately was cool with my decision.

I would have feel disgusted as well

Don't forget that bishops are directed in the church handbook of instructions to protect the church at all costs.  In my opinion, that means its better that a family parish then a ward dwindle in unbelief.

I met with my bishop and told him that we wanted to be left alone.  I told him nothing of our reasoning, other than we wanted to focus on our family for a while. I found out two months later that he and the stake pres were out to dredge up dirt on me for a church court.  My guess is he could not explain why his ex counselor and ex RS pres would leave with the whole family.  The next day I sent the resignation letters for our whole family, stipulating that he leave us alone and that if he disparaged our family in any way, we would sue him and the church.  Instead of leaving a paper trail, the fucker called people individually and told them about us..  The fuckhead had the nerve to call us last month (a year later) and ask if we were still married.  And yes.. I am still pissed.  So, I guess what I am trying to say is... Watch your back..

One other thing that pissed me off is that he not once (that I can find) dispelled any of the rumors about our family.. like we were swingers, drunks, having affairs, and many more that I really do not care to mention.. But I guess on the bright side, I now have a reputation I could use if I ever wanted to become a rockstar...

Yes it did cause a stir in the ward..  Not only were we in the ward leadership, but a few years ago our family was chosen to represent the stake in the local paper.  So, yes, I guess they had fear that others would leave and had to make an example out of us.  Letting us go inactive would only mean that members could associate with us.. but the stigma of excommunication would really keep people away..

This is from the church handbook of instrucion:

"The purposes of Church discipline are (1) to save the souls of transgressors, (2) to protect the innocent, and (3) to safeguard the purity, integrity, and good name of the Church. These purposes are accomplished through private counsel and caution, informal probation, formal probation, disfellowshipment, and excommunication (see pages 93-95). ..."

I cannot tell you how many times we discussed #3 in bishopric meetings.  If there was any member that hurt the church image by their actions, then disciplinary action was required.  If the action was not public, but known in the ward, then it was probation or disfellowshipment.  If it was public or known outside of the church, then there was a very good chance it was excommunication.

Nothing much has changed since the early days of the church.  Good ol Joe did the same with those that opposed him.  This is what I meant by protect the church at all costs.

Either way, I would not ever trust the bishop.. his only concern is to protect the ward.. and as I said before, for him, its better that a family perish than a ward dwindle in unbelief.  ;)


hey-did you ever try to get the bishop disciplined? Did you talk to the stake pres about it? Because if you left AND got a bishop disciplined, that would be freakin' awesome. Normally I wouldn't toe the revenge line, but a guy like that has pretty much asked for it,hasn't he?



The SP will always back the bishop.  I have seen this time and time again.  It always falls back on "following the counsel of your leaders" even if they are wrong. 

Our bishop moved about a year after we left.  He called a month of so ago to ask how we were doing.  His first question was to know our marital status.  I was pissed.. but kept my cool..  The fucker never called after I told him that we wanted to be left alone, other than to send me a text wanting to discuss my standing in the church...   I now have ZERO respect for bishops.. and SP's.  They are the more fanatical members that would never keep a secret even if they tried. 

As you point out, i am watching my back, I have been in stake high council several times and I was one of the public images of the Church in a country we lived in, coming from a family of leadership as well, however this bishop does not know nothing about us and I used it to my advantage, we just moved to the area. If they want to open the pandora box and do what they did to you I am clear I don't accept their authority anymore. I am wondering if the stake president will leave us alone, maybe the bishop has good intentions but the stake needs to inquire why a high councilor with our membership record has gone away. I am actually disgusted for the way the Church keeps record of members, digging a litle they find callings, mission, etc etc, the Church really has control of people. 

Thanks for your comments best of luck to you and your family as well.

Same to you.. I hope that they leave you alone.. I really do.  As long as you are not active in your Apostasy you should be fine. 

At the time we left, I wished that we had moved to another area.  I was actually talking to my wife about moving to get away from the church.  She slapped some sense into me..  We lost all of our mormon friends but it was worth it.  We see a few of the members once in a while and they are nice but its not like it used to be.  They know we are 'Apostates' so they only ask how we are doing..  Only two people have asked us why we left.  One asked that we respect each other and still be friends, the other could not believe that the peter priesthood and molly mormon left the church and cant wait to get his family out of the church... ;)



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