I've been out of the church almost a year now, and I'm still recovering. I'm starting to become very frustrated. I lost everything, in a lot of ways when I left, and all I was doing was honestly searching for truth. It hurts when other people think that I was just making the decision on a whim, when it was honestly the hardest I'd ever made in my life. It's been a year, and I still have no other friends really, beyond my boyfriend. I love him to death, but I just feel so much resentment and anger for not having anything else, when before I had everything.. everything but truth. Sometimes I wish that people understood that, that I really was just looking for truth. Sometimes I think it'd almost be better to go back, but then I know that I'd be lying. It's hard to switch from thinking you know everything, to realizing you know basically nothing. Does anybody have any advice for piecing yourself together?
Being on this forum helps. I have found postmo groups near where I live and I will be going to an event in several days. This could help. Try searching for groups that meet in person near you. Real life people could probably be there to help and support you. We will be here though and help how we can.
Thank you. =)
Yeah that's some of the reason I joined. It's just nice to have people who understand and who have been through what I've been through!
Like they said, this site is a good start. Visit the chat! We are all there to listen and let you vent. There are people on this site much wiser than I who can offer helpful advice, but really, you can just get to know some people who understand how you feel. I've made great friendships here.
I'm sorry that you lost your friends with the church. :( That is the hardest, hardest thing. The church forms this exclusive and tight knit community that makes it so hard to leave. Know that there are people who understand and accept you and in fact ADMIRE your strength and integrity in following the truth out.
Find your local exmormon group. Join a dance class or volunteer program or whatever interests YOU so you have something positive to focus on. Join a less dogmatic faith community if you're into that - there are "spiritual" communities that have the church feel minus the blind faith if that would help you in your transition. I went to a Unitarian Universalist church once and befriended a couple of atheists there who grew up in church and just like the community aspect. Just some suggestions.
Hang in there! It gets better!
Great advice! I know things will get better! Thank you so much!
Kotarah, I ended up with just me and my daughter when I left I feel ya.. no one, absolutely no one has called me or come over or anything since not even family unless I speak first...But it just goes to show they weren't true friends.. or else they were not good for me...IDK all that you lost I sympathize with you, however I took the attitude that I was going to find truth still and searched my heart. The internet is full of information to search out what comes to mind... That is the quest I have been following. I found what is true for me, but this isn't about sharing that, all I'm saying is life still goes on, you CAN be happy, move forward recognizing this wasn't truth and it was part of ur discovery so still continue...the anger will pass.. it is still there for me but lessening because I am realizing people just like me got locked into LDS inc. as I did and so live and let live. I'm just happy and fortunate to be one of the very,very few that ever saw the clouds part and recognized the wrongness of it all. Most will never allow a doubt to be entertained due to fear of losing their testimonies. Be greatfull you were so blessed... I know I'm proud of you and all who can and will open their eyes and strive for truth. It shows integrity and strength... It gets much better... peace out....
P.S. btw, I used to be so angry, the bishop held a church court on me for having sex 1 time with my high school sweetheart that I met on facebook, it had been years and years since we talked.. I went to him the next day, confessed never saw her again, repented with all my heart, never repeated it and 4 months later went to the court and still got disfellowshipped for a year. Bishop already had taken my temp rec. and all callings, no sacr. too but that wasn't enough I guess. I couldn't baptize my only child, (my pic above is on her baptism day), my dad bap. her I couldn't even say anything or talk. It wasn't allowed. Jesus did not teach this he forgave on the spot those who grieved for forgiveness and told us to also... anyway now I laugh, it was just ignorance and it no longer has hold of me wheeew! Yeah!!! I am very much happier now... then I EVER have been...
Your bishop held another court just because you friended your HS sweetheart on Facebook? WTF? What an asshole! Glad you're out now. Has the fam discovered you sent your daughter's resignation yet? Hopefully they don't get out of hand.
well micah, I actually had a heart to heart with my daughter after sending her letter to the bishop... she was being really quiet, not in any way disobedient, just depressed or disappointed like behavior quietude you know, so I got to thinking and ask how she really felt, explained my concerns the best I could, but she really loves going has most her friends there... Her mother and I spoke abt it, she's not really around but had some good pointers.. it seems to me she may just get resentful and hold it inside, could worsen things actually. So, I decided to let her stay if it makes her that happy with a condition that when she is older she will atleast investigate it on her own not just "follow their rules" We made that deal, which may or may not happen but I felt it was the best decision for now. She didn't understand, she really didn't.. but she was very happy she still got to go she loves primary and achievement night. I didn't have the heart to take it from her. It's tough there really isn't a right move here so I just decided to let things ride and keep the harmony between us all for now :)
That sounds very noble and considerate of you towards your daughter. I hope that will go far in keeping you in good communication and trust of each other. Thanks for the update.
I can totally empathize. 2 of my three children LOVE church, and their "friends" (that never invite them to do anything outside of church, but who am I to get my feelings hurt for my kids that have to sit in Primary and listen to the kids talk about birthday parties they all go to together and such....and no I'm not upset about it! LOL) because I think I have some of the sweetest, most loving children on the planet. I too can't take it away from them, and I think that they're too young for me to burden them with my decisions. They are also too brainwashed - which is quite a sticky situation since my allowing them to go to church when I can get them there just brainwashes them more. And I am TOTALLY uncomfortable at church, but I do it for them. I just hope to be able to figure out when the time is right to tell them with as little damage being done to them as possible. My youngest is too young to like church yet - he would still rather be watching cartoons or playing with toys and eating snacks than be at church. I agree with him!!! :) Best wishes to you though, Wes, as you and your daughter work through this over the years!
This is one of the responses that hit me the most. I remember when I was a member of the church I was annoyed at all the hypocrites that there were. I couldn't be one, which is why I left. I had someone who said that I should of at least stayed so that people would continue to respect me, but then I wouldn't have been able to respect myself. If I couldn't live in my own skin, I would've slowly died inside. I can't stand lying, and that's a pretty big lie to be living. I think that's why it hit me so hard. The church was nothing but lies, but in some ways it would've been an ease of mind if it wasn't. I remember how much more I learned when I first left the church though. I read so many things that i wouldn't have if I was Mormon, so if nothing else, I've gained real knowledge and kept my integrity. Thanks for your thoughts!
Oh yes, the universe is bringing precisely what I need! I'm so glad to have found a fellow Aber! When I decided to leave, I never decided to be quite an atheist, and in some ways that's what it feels like most ex-mo's become. I don't know if there is a God or something, but it doesn't really matter. I don't know if there is, I don't know if there isn't.. all I know is that there is the universe at work. Some call it superstitious, I quite like it. =) It just makes sense to me. It's simple, and simplicity makes sense to me.
I believe that everything in my life has brought me to this point. If this is the lesson that i'm supposed to be learning, then that's more than okay! Thank you for your thoughts!