Finding out that the church wasn't true a few years ago was a huge blow for me. It's funny now that I look back I can see all the steps - (granted this took awhile)...
1st there was Denial. - "No way what I just watched is true. That can't be. Joseph Smith IS a prophet! I AM a child of God!...."
2nd there was Anger - " I can't believe this is happening! Screw the church. Screw Joseph Smith and his manipulative cunning ways! How could this happen to ME?"
3rd there was Bargaining - " Well... maybe if I keep going back to church... I'll still have my friends, my family won't have to deal with this... I guess I could keep going back and forget everything that I saw and heard. Yes. I will buy me some more time! How hard could it be to pretend?"
4th there was Depression - " No one understands me. I'm all alone and with no religion, no friends, no God, and my family judges me."
5th there was Acceptance - " I have a full life ahead of me. I grew up in a church that helped me in so many ways. It's okay to move on and just be me, even if my friends or family disapprove. I know I'm a good person. I don't have to be bitter or angry. I can take the good...and leave the bad. This doesn't define me - I define myself."
I'm grateful for the challenges I went through coming out of the church. I'm a stronger more empowered woman because of it.
I am grateful for the KNOWLEDGE I have received because I went looking for it. I'm in love with learning! With science, and philosophy, history and humanity! How could I EVER be angry at where I am now? How could I ever blame an organization that only HELPED me get to where I am now :)
I want everyone to know how grateful I am to be a part of this wonderful community. We're here to help and inspire each other, to listen to learn... we're here because we all know what it's like to leave something that was so dear to us. We relate to the pain, and most importantly we relate to this new awareness . Thank you for the laughs, thank you for the deep conversations.
For those of you who are having a rough time. I just want to say, Yes it sucks. Yes it hurts. Yes family and friends can back-stab you so fast. But you're not alone. I know of at least 1 friend you have - and that is me, always. It gets better.
you hit it right on the nose.
Since I left the Church my life has never been better. I have been more successful since I tild them to go take a hike. These was no mighty swishing sound as the spirit left the room. I am happier, I can think and operate better, I am more successful. I love being an ex-mormon. I say this in the humble name of my laptop, Amen.
i love this. i wonder what stage i am in. most likely anger. I just had the most traumatic experience of my life. i blogged it http://breakingmormon.blogspot.com/
Good points ew, you are gone but not forgotten, I hope all is well with you.
After doing all my research, reading and searching (before the Internet was here, groan), I prayed about it, got an answer that it wasn't true, and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for three days. I had truly believed and had a strong testimony of the church.
I too, was a convert as a child of 9. Before that, I was a believing Catholic, with nuns and all at school and boarding school.
When I decided to leave the Mormon corporation I returned to my Catholic faith. It fits, it is comfortable and its not off the wall like Mormonism. I am happy without the draino style mentalproccesses that The LDS Church puts others thru. In Mormonism I was never good enough, I never did enough... I was a slave and they were the masters. ...hardly Christ centered. They are changing so fast that many that are believing members are now not attending! The things I was taught, and taught as a Missionary are now considered wrong and bad. They play word games with the Plan of Eternal Progression and call it ...something. People are leaving so fast that the numbers are scarey! They are loosing millions and are anemic!
The LDS Church is shrinking in size! People, via the information shared via the internet, are finding out that we were shoveled a load of crap and told it was chocolate brownies. That smell was... not really there, pray to know that it is not real. Not "pray to know what it is", but pray to know oit is not real. I am slightly pissed at Salt Lake and their damned egocentric leaderhip. They know for a fact that is fulla crap, but they shovel that crap on us telling is that is is not what it really is, and I believed it! Hell, I went on a Mission and gave them 2 years of 75 and 80 hour weeks alst while they screamed for more! I know my life would be more productive and fulfilling if I had of just stayed home and sat in my bed with a clothes basket on my head! It is always what you can do for them isn't it. You notice that as well, huh.
I returned to my Catholic faith and work to do the same for others sucessfully. An old Missionary companion and his family returned as well. I am elated I left. My life is happy, fulfilled, and productive.
1st there was Denial
2nd there was Anger
3rd there was Bargaining
4th there was Depression
5th there was Acceptance
Having now been a long time member of LAM (off and on), I now can almost recognize what stage of this process someone is in when they arrive. I think knowing this and allowing yourself to go through each one of those steps really has proven to be very helpful. I do think that nearly everyone holds onto a lot of anger over a long period of time. I have always said that I have no ill will against the Mormon church and loved being raised Mormon, but if you bring up certain topics, I do realize that some of that anger has not gone away. Perhaps I'll hold onto just enough of it to keep me a healthy distance away from that world.
BK and I have had many productive conversations over the time that we have both been involved in LAM and several other sites. Allow me to agree with BK, and share that I feel as she does. BK does not need my approval, but it is definitely there.
The Big difference is that I still feel that they are bastards and look you in the eye knowing that they are nothing more than salespeople for a corp that has stuck God on themselves because it gets them more of wtf they want. Then they have a 10% fee that they say will keep you outta their version of hell that they make up as the needs dictate... as if these imps had the power. I am not having a stage of anything. I do not like the way they treated others or me. :)
Just be yourself. Live your life, be nice, e polite and don't be afraid to look others in the eye and tell them, in so many words, to "F" off. It makes you feel good and saves their time to abuse someone else. Be happy and practive the middle finger salute for others.
Don . \\!// "my middle finger be with them untill we meet again"...till we meet, ...well, you know the durge....
While I agree with this decision "somewhat" to delete content, I do hope now that things are picking up a bit on LAM that we do not go back to the days of extreme censorship that drove so many people away in the first place.
I don't recall much past extreme censorship except in cases were personal attacks, spam and absurd behavior were exhibited.
There is life after Mormonism. Just continue to be the best that you can be at all times. Leave guilt and negative forces behind you as it never benefits you, ever. :) Just be the good person that you know yourself to be. IMHO, what others perceive you incorrectly to be, who and what motivates you is up to you.
Life is good actually life is gret! No one in another city can or should control you in any way. Due to the good nature of this group you are in the right place and the right time doing the right thing! The challenges that you (and I equally) have endured lifted us (by process of elimination) into a better wold.
IMHO, participate in LAM. Share your views and ask others views. Join in the Friday night (US time) worldwide chat! Its a blast! Do the good things you want to in your good life. Know that you are of great value as you are! go and listen to your favesong on the internet, dance and have a glass of what you enjoy!!
YOU DA MAN (or LADY) EW!