Most of the time the issues surrounding the church are just not that relevant to me anymore. I spend little time being concerned with the facts of it all since I feel like I have accepted and moved on. I don't usually feel like shouting from the rooftops that the church is wrong and hurtful to it's members. Sometimes I will talk to a fellow exmo and feel a little fired up about an issue for the amount of time it takes for the conversation, and then it fades back into the distance for me. It's just where I'm at these days. I am happy about this, as it seems like a pretty healthy place for me with plenty of balance. I guess that's why I find it so unsettling when I have something pop up that throws me for a loop. I have been thinking about something since MLK day and it has been just under the surface for me. I have felt kind of weepy over little things lately and just kind of on edge. A feeling I haven't had in a really, really long time. I'm not exactly sure what to do about it. I am happy to listen to advice from you all because I have found so much comfort and help here. (thanks to all of you btw)

Okay, so here's what I'm getting at:

Growing up in a very hardcore tbm family always brought up issues for me. One thing that bothered me pretty much as long as I can remember is the race issue. My parents did their best to raise me right. They just have some wonky views that were passed to them. They were good parents and did their best. I remember asking them as a little kid about blacks and priesthood and issues around race and getting answers that even then made me sick to my stomach. For example, I was learning about MLK in school. I came home and mentioned it to my Mom and she jumped in to tell me just what a horrible person he was. When I asked her what was so bad that he did, she said that he had terrible politics, and oh yeah, he slept around on his wife.

At the time I remember trying to understand why they may not like him and just thinking they were weird. I didn't know at the time of course the Joseph Smith had been such a womanizer. Looking back over the years, those are the only 2 reasons that my parents could give me for not liking the man. How can they view him so harshly and not see how hypocritical that viewpoint is in light of their most beloved leader?? It boggles my mind. Makes me sad. Throws me for a loop. I don't even know why this is bothering me so much recently. I just keep letting it stew in my head and don't really know what to do with it. I guess I will just keep slogging along and hoping it will clear itself up like most other things do. IS this one of the moments that I shouldn't keep the peace in my family and question them on it? It won't change anything for them. It won't make them suddenly see that I'm not a lost soul. I don't really know what purpose it would serve to confront the issue within my family of origin. So, I guess I'm just looking for a place to clear my head. Thanks for looking through my cobwebs.

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Ever seen the movie "Pleasantville"? It is such a good movie and address the human aspects of life in general, Mormonism, the joy of freedom and of being human. I recommend that movie to all!! People are more important that oppressive "things".

It's bothering you because you never imagined growing up that your parents could be shallow people.  Well, sounds like they are.  It's just the way it seems to be.  They obviously weren't too involved in keeping abreast of the civil rights movement and what it entailed, so let them be happy in their white skin.  It need not involve you.
You know I was thinking about this again and another justification I have heard is that it's because blacks carry the mark of Cain and that was why they were deemed unworthy of the priesthood. Which I found odd. People shouldn't be judged based on some ancestry (and in my opinion the bible doesn't make it that certain that it's blacks anyway that carry the mark. Granted if you don't believe the bible to be the word of god but the work of man that has been revised to fit the desires of the men writing it then that justification makes sense in order for one man to feel superior to another. Still wrong in my opinion). Mormons don't believe in original sin or that we're born with sin so it doesn't make sense to condemn a whole group of people like that.
Brigham Young said some damned pretty mean and blunt things about Black people. He was a bigot, the LDS Church wanted the tihing money from these people in Africa and was barred from getting it as who da hell would join under those conditions? So, they concocted the revelation story to do what they needed!
The quandry was 1) I can stay as I always have been and miss the tithing and numbers, or, I can get a revelation from God and get the tithing. OK, I choose the money.

Easy to understand and basic. its about money, power and greed. Oh, did I say it was about money and power??

It seems it was in the 70's when there was so much political pressure on the church concerning the blacks.  My own father even acknowledges this, and has alot of trouble believing the idiocy of spirits misbehaving in the pre-existance thus getting dark skin.  I will fess up to a little jealously.  In school, my friends who had beautiful olive complexions and dark thick hair were very attractive to me.  I love looking at Catherine Zeta Jones, with that Welsh and Spanish background.  DH bought be a picture of her for my movie star wall.  And no, I'm not sexually attracted to women.  I'd tell you if I was.  Back to where I started, since you all know I have trouble rambling.  I think I was overly physically attracted to my first husband, who is filipino, because of those very traits, and I felt we would make beautiful babies, he with his darker complexion, and me, chalk white, with reddish blonde hair.  And since I'm their mother, I find them very beautiful, as you all probably think of your sweet children.  My brother's one child, adopted, is beautiful as well.  But that aspect influenced me too much.  The physical aspect.
I believe the bible has parts of it that are inerrant.  I believe Jesus gave us an example of how to treat others, and that the 10 commandments are a good societal basis, even though it's impossible to live up to all of them.  But the first 2, or, if you don't believe in God, the 2nd, is really good in theory, and should be practiced, especially now with all the vitriol and hatred being spewed towards we the people by people in government who want theirs at our expense.  Really really hard to love one's neighbor, all the time.  But, did not Moses have a black wife?  Where does the concept of racism really hit us the worst?  Man, I made the mistake of listening to a christian radio station from  Pensacola Fl a couple of months ago, and I was literally shocked, blown away, by the hatefulness of the message being given. "That a black president didn't know how white people felt, and anyway, he isn't truly a christian, we all know that."  We will never solve the problem of racism, but in our own families, it need not be tolerated, and in public school, if it's brought to the attention of an authority, it has to be squashed.  It can cost people jobs.  I loved being called a racist once at the V.A. by a pissed off nurse.  We'd been caring for an American Indian, and my care of him was exactly the same as with everyone else, but she and I had had a tiff, so she went to my boss and told her I said I wouldn't care for anyone with dark skin.  The next day I brought 5X7's of my kids and put them up in the nurse's station.


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