Most of the time the issues surrounding the church are just not that relevant to me anymore. I spend little time being concerned with the facts of it all since I feel like I have accepted and moved on. I don't usually feel like shouting from the rooftops that the church is wrong and hurtful to it's members. Sometimes I will talk to a fellow exmo and feel a little fired up about an issue for the amount of time it takes for the conversation, and then it fades back into the distance for me. It's just where I'm at these days. I am happy about this, as it seems like a pretty healthy place for me with plenty of balance. I guess that's why I find it so unsettling when I have something pop up that throws me for a loop. I have been thinking about something since MLK day and it has been just under the surface for me. I have felt kind of weepy over little things lately and just kind of on edge. A feeling I haven't had in a really, really long time. I'm not exactly sure what to do about it. I am happy to listen to advice from you all because I have found so much comfort and help here. (thanks to all of you btw)

Okay, so here's what I'm getting at:

Growing up in a very hardcore tbm family always brought up issues for me. One thing that bothered me pretty much as long as I can remember is the race issue. My parents did their best to raise me right. They just have some wonky views that were passed to them. They were good parents and did their best. I remember asking them as a little kid about blacks and priesthood and issues around race and getting answers that even then made me sick to my stomach. For example, I was learning about MLK in school. I came home and mentioned it to my Mom and she jumped in to tell me just what a horrible person he was. When I asked her what was so bad that he did, she said that he had terrible politics, and oh yeah, he slept around on his wife.

At the time I remember trying to understand why they may not like him and just thinking they were weird. I didn't know at the time of course the Joseph Smith had been such a womanizer. Looking back over the years, those are the only 2 reasons that my parents could give me for not liking the man. How can they view him so harshly and not see how hypocritical that viewpoint is in light of their most beloved leader?? It boggles my mind. Makes me sad. Throws me for a loop. I don't even know why this is bothering me so much recently. I just keep letting it stew in my head and don't really know what to do with it. I guess I will just keep slogging along and hoping it will clear itself up like most other things do. IS this one of the moments that I shouldn't keep the peace in my family and question them on it? It won't change anything for them. It won't make them suddenly see that I'm not a lost soul. I don't really know what purpose it would serve to confront the issue within my family of origin. So, I guess I'm just looking for a place to clear my head. Thanks for looking through my cobwebs.

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Belief messes with the head. It just makes people make absurd mental compromises to maintain belief. It's not you. You, as a matter of fact, are damn cool. Love ya!
You are pretty damn cool too CZ.  It's so strange how some things pop up almost from nowhere to get under our skin.   Absurd compromises is a great description.   It's one of those issues I thought was put to bed, only to realize that somewhere down in there it's a hot button still.

Well, if they are hardcore believers, I don't think you will get anywhere arguing with them. I think the best you can do is to teach them with your example.

It took me many years to get my father to a point where we can discuss ideas and beliefs. Distance helped a lot. I used to play by their rules when I was under their roof, but moving away helped me to be more independent and live my own way, and they saw that even I was living in a way they completely disapproved (for instance, I moved in with my GF and we have been living together for many years), I am still their son and I love them. And then, we started to understand each other the way we are, and we can now discuss these things.


(Racism is not an issue at home but, well, gay rights is still a complicated topic)

Yeah, hardcore believers is exactly where they fall. I wish it was different, but I don't think it ever will be. I just usually don't let it get to me. Thanks for the reply btw.

Hi Kathy,

I struggle with the fact that my parents, brother and 1 sister can't allow themselves to have a relationship with me because I don't have the same belief system.  To me it seems that it is just too threatening to them.  They can't admit to themselves that they don't "know" everything.  The love and acceptance I am able to share with my friends reaffirms my life everyday.  I feel saddened that I am unable to have that connection with my family.


Awww, you are awesome Joe.  Your family truly is missing out.  I'm glad you're my friend!!
Thank you Kathy, I'm glad your my friend.
When I told my mom we were moving to NC she said, "No you can't move there.  The little black boys will like the girls (#1 & #2)"...  LOL, I looked at her in a way where she replayed what she said in her mind.  She back peddled, and then said it'd be ok.  I just laughed.  I can just hope that with each new generation there is less and less racism and more and more truth about history.

Sounds exactly like what my parents would say, except they wouldn't backtrack afterwards.  I have a lot of hope for this problem being wiped out in this next generation.


When I was in college, my parents came to visit.  I happened to have a black friend over at my apartment.  My parents refused to leave until he did.  I was so humiliated.  

So a little part of me wishes one of my girls will marry an african america man: it would teach my family sooooo much about love having NOTHING to do with skin color!  And my philosophy is that we'll all be gray eventually or like the goo backs in South Park.  LMAO  Oh, plus #1 is blue eyed and blonde - OMG I'd have the cutest grandbabies.  ;-)


Rasicm is going away faster and faster. 

My parents were the same way about MLK, but I just thought it was a generational thing, not so much a mormon thing.  Was I wrong?  I knew about the priesthood thing and the curse of Cain...wondered about what happened to that after Noah.... And then there were the Nephites and Lamanites who would go back and forth with the dark and light skin, didn't they?  lol - it makes me laugh now, I haven't thought of that in years!  hahahaha

I'm not sure Darcie.  I know that my experience growing up was limited to interactions with LDS in a lot of ways, so I have a harder time speaking to where the bulk of the White community was coming from.  What contact I did have on the outside of the church seemed overwhelmingly supportive and positive about MLK.


There are so many things I look back on and shake my head over in the old belief system.  A serious amount of brain washing has to go into religion to get folks to buy most of that nonsense.  The tower of Babel for instance.  Good grief.


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