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Ignore or engage
I am sure that some of you have run into this problem:
I have a son (RM) who is really anti-Mormon at this point in his life.
I have a sister who is an active non-believer who lives in a small town in Utah.
We have an extended family of mostly TBM, most are radical about it.
My son feels that everyone should know the truth about church history and he feels free to express it. He feels that those in the darkness should be shown the light.
Our family members do not want hear anything that even vaguely smells of an attack on their beloved, revered, not-to-be-doubted, only true and living church.
He loves me enough to keep a lid on it if I ask him to but he thinks that I am wrong.
My sister says that a TBM will get out if they want to and can live outside. She has 27 grandchildren and wants to attend temple weddings, baptisms etc. She thinks that shaking someone whose whole life is wrapped up in the church is not the best thing for them.
So, do I go for truth (we have all seen the lack of it) or keep the peace?
Are TBM better off on the outside if they have no support from family?
I am glad that I live in California and that my family is afraid of me on church subjects.
Gene
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Control Zee on -
My experience is that the eyes can only be opened from the inside. The best way to reach believers, in my experience, is to live a genuinely happy life without the gospel. It makes them think twice.
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Permalink Reply by Edward Casey on -
Along the same lines as Control Zee, it is missionary zeal to want to share what one has learned with those still blind. Your son is radical at this point in his belief system; feeling the need to convert others to his new-found wisdom. But we cannot teach by lecture. For beliefs will only be changed when a person confronts their inner doubts. I would engage with your son, asking if he cares for people; to tear someone down emotionally by confronting their belief system is not being a very nice person at all. The golden rule still is in force, even for us secular atheists. We don't want to cause harm. Do continue to work with your son, sharing with him that you understand where he is coming from, having to confront yourself on that issue and coming to a different position based on compassion.
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Permalink Reply by Carl Reese on -
I think there is space between the choices. People rightfully resent others pushing their ideas down their throat. If they don't want to talk about religion, I think that you don't. Even people from very pushy religions like Mormonism don't want another religion shoved at them. Still, don't automatically assume they don't want to talk about religion. Tell them that you feel free to talk about religion if they choose but you can set religion aside if either of you think it's too divisive.
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Permalink Reply by Don on -
It is amazing that people will stay LDS so they can go to weddings, etc... Most of the members of the LSD Church know that it is full of crap and nothing but an insurance company whose premium is 10% to sell you an intangible. If you do not believe it stop giving them your money. Give it to the goodwill that will cloth someone, and get a receipt for taxes.
They do not get paid in Salt Lake...yea, but they have their "needs met" all to be damned!
Don
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Permalink Reply by Enlightened on -
In the beginning I too wanted to stand on the rooftops and shout all the things I had "discovered" (and were shocked to find out) I almost felt I was being disloyal to friends who did not know these things if I did not tell them - but slowly I began to realize that those people I could interact with and who would listen would never change their beliefs even if the 'profit' himself told them it was all a hoax. There is just too much at stake for TBM regarding family ostracising (is there such a word?) which is the one thing that is the most difficult thing to accept. Remember TSCC is based on "family' - well that is what we were taught to believe... I am sure as one of the other posters here said - your son is still in the anger stage of his grief....sometimes it takes quite a while to move past that - for some of us it was quicker...thankfully. Hope it gets sorted.
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Permalink Reply by Andi on -
Just as we do not want missionaries pounding down our doors trying to bring us back, TBMs don't want ex-Mormons pounding down their doors trying to open their eyes.
I have some TBMs in my family and we simply do not talk about the church. If it is brought up, they grit their teeth and hope I'll see the error of my ways and come back someday and I smile and nod then change the subject. It's not worth the fight because they need to find these things out for themselves.
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Permalink Reply by Don on
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This is probably the most valuable thing I have read in a while. I don't want to be bothered and I do not want to bother others. sOME OF THEM HAVE BORN THEIR TESTIMONY TO ME, AS IF I WERE SUPPOSED TO BURST INTO TEARS AND SCREAM, (DAMNED CAPS KEY!) But they are also my friends. If they want to believe in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sing, "We Thank Thee Oh God, For a Bakery"...cool by me. I just don't care to be proselytized.
By me being normal and cool I feel that we can have a better relationship and they will not be so "sold" on their garbage. However, our relationship is more important. These are guys that I spend hours with, walking, talking about the girls boobs that answered the door, chicks, wrestled with, got so pissed off at each other that in other settings we would have knocked the hell out of the other, helped him by changing his bike tire, ...more like brothers than anything. I cannot dislike them in any way. However, a fulcrum point is that I do not believe the sh*t we shoveled at the time and I feel wonderful about it. I smile, shake their hands, laugh, remember when I caught the dude whacking off in the shower, when his Mom called and told him that his Grandfather passed away and the emotional effect it had. We took the day off, put on our p-day clothes and took the day off, went to the Mall, were just guys ...so that he could make it through this "dry valley" but not alone. We became friends, deep friends, and still are.
....... But I just am not interested in the theological side, at all and feel solid on it.
Cool people, acid beliefs.
Don, in Vegas.....
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Permalink Reply by california watcher on
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Wow, Don. That's up there with Ginsberg. Way, way cool.
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Permalink Reply by Edward Casey on
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I laughed out loud reading this, Don. You wrote so well that I could relate to it on every level. Thanks for posting in this thread.
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