That is their doing, and not yours. We can only get as close to people as they let us. While that is frustrating at times and not very hopeful, it's generally what we would want in return from others. Good luck.
I appreciate your sharing. Obviously we can't leave the church entirely behind - as long as we have family members still in it. My sister continued to talk to me for a while like I was a fellow believer. She did it less and less though because I would remind her that I don't believe it anymore. (I quit in May 2009). Your mom's letter sounds like something my sister might write. My mom on the other hand accepted right away the fact that I no longer believe. Maybe my sister and your mother were so shocked they simply could not believe their family member had really changed - and perhaps they didn't want to believe we had changed. It probably shakes their own faith and makes them feel insecure - so they dig in even more. I want to tell family members sometimes that it isn't true - but I don't because families can be broken up if one spouse believes and the other does not.
I understand your view on not being able to leave the Church / family behind. Allow me to share that I have an original view on this. We can most definitely leave the LDS Church Borg behind. When we deal with our family members you deal with, get this, you deal with, ..Them the person". Way to often the mind control that Salt Lake is so used to that they feel it is normal, is used by us on us. Learn what the person likes. Do they like hamburgers, maybe with onions? ...mayo??? When was the last time you took a stroll with them and discussed things that did not touch on anything LDS? People within the LDS Borg have absolutely lost the ability to actually...communicate, think, do anything outside of the ideological gravitational pull of the damned LDS / Borg. That created difficulties, huge sometimes insurmountable difficulties! They cannot communicate, they cannot share their insecurities and receive love and support from trusted family members!
Have you noticed something...think about this...we said it so much that we forgot there is a meaning behind words. You told others...join the "Church". We never said "Join Christ" did we. Do you notice where the emphasis was? It was in making the largess power and size. Any decrease in numbers is hid from members if it cannot be "finageled". People cannot communicate without hiding behind the Church. Sorta like a guy that is a auto repair guy that cannot start a conversation with a girl without leading in the conversation and its always "auto repair". WTF, what girl wants some guy talking to her like that. If he is not smart enough to know "why" he is talking to her (and it ain't starters) then he has issues, as do most Mormons.
Talk to their heart. Love them, be nice, hug them, let them know you love them. They may feel as you do and just lack the gumption. :)
Perhaps i am not fully understanding. Could you please restate in a few direct sentences what it is that you are looking for on this issue. I see some emoting and that is a valid part of the human experience. But the focal point eludes me. :)
I wanted to respond to this when it was first posted, but I was very busy at the time, so just now getting to it. I think the difficulty in all of this is that by finding out the church isn't true you now have a different view of the entire world. Having your mother blather on about principals of mormonism is disrespecting you and your new found beliefs. I suspect your Mom is in total denial and having so many Mormons go bad, only to return and be the strictest TBM's on the planet, probably makes her think it is just a matter of time until you come to your senses. The worst part of this is that you have this new knowledge, that frankly once you understand it is quite logical and easy to follow. You want to share it with people and at least be allowed to feel a little clever for having it figured out.
Most of what I was originally going to say has already been covered by you and Don, Sherril and Mike. Just to go along with the discussion I can confirm that the collective mormon thought pool is vast, but shallow. They become a bit like Stepford wives and husbands and repeat words that make up the Mormon language. It would be a fun experiment to get a group of women together, or men, but we are speaking of your mother here. At any rate have ten of them in the room and tell them they can't discuss anything Mormon or their children or even use words like Relief Society, etc. I think my experience is that the room would be instantly quiet. I have mentioned this to my family and will admit they are all working on it. We bless the food at their house, but they respect my rules and don't at mine. I wish you well and share in your frustration along with everyone else on this site. You are among friends here and unlike the Mormon world we do speak your language quite fluently. Speaking for myself and many others, I hope you keep coming here to vent. It's what we do.
Devil Bar Kokhba
A persons inability / a peoples inability, to start and hold a conversation without bringing up religion is not something for a person (them) to be proud of. Its actually very sad, shows a dullard approach to life and the world around you. And then they have to close everything from a trip to the grocery to a family dinner with a closing prayer.... Something is controlling their thought processes and limiting their potential as a human. I have heard of young men and ladies starting a date with a prayer....PAAAALEEEEEEEEZE!
Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler did not have that kind of control! By God (literally) Salt Lake does tho.