I could use some wisdom and advice on how to handle a situation that recently came up with my TBM family. Please let me know how you would handle this.
Two weeks ago we left our 3 kids at my parents to be baby sat while DW and I left town for 2 days for a workshop. My parents and family are VERY TBM. We had a nice weekend with out the kids and when we returned and picked them up, I asked how the kids behaved and they said "good". Well just yesterday, while I was visiting my parents during my lunch break, they brought up some "concerns" they had with how my oldest child behaved (8 yr old boy). I guess he said a lot of "potty" words and other "crude" language. Now I'm not trying to dismiss or justify my son's language, but I would like your opinion on what you think of what my parents said (to follow below) and how you would suggest I respond to them.
So my dad asked me if we were showing our kids "adult movies" because my son said a lot of "sexual" words. I immediately said "no, we don't", which is the truth. I then asked for clarification on what he said that was sexual in nature. The only thing they would give up is that my son and daughter (next oldest) were fighting and kicking each other and my daughter told my son not to kick her in the crotch. So then I guess my son kept saying the word crotch and laughing. I didn't find that sexual in nature other than saying the word that represents an area of the body, although it's probably not an appropriate thing for an 8 year old to say. My experience with being 8 and other 8 year olds is that they are always laughing at the funny words regarding the body (crotch, butt, farts, etc). My dad went on to say that my son has addiction to potty words. My response was that he just finds them funny and likes the attention he gets out of people. Other than this, all they said is that he said poop a lot (my son still occasionally has accidents, so he's probably self conscious of it and projects that on his siblings "so-n-so has poopy pants" etc. Not much other details came out of this, just a really accusatory attitude that our kids are very offensive to the "mormon's in the family". My dad didn't even witness any of this behavior as it was related to him by my mom and sister.
I feel like my parents (mostly my dad), is being very condescending and accusatory, like it's our fault our kids are so offensive (maybe that's true, but besides the point) and that they are just fault finding. This isn't the first time such concerns about our kids or our behavior has been brought up. While I want to maintain a good relationship with my TBM parents and family, they certainly aren't making it easy. We are working with our kids in our own way to teach them better manners and appropriate language, but this inquisition on behalf of my parents is just going to make us walk on pins and needles even more when in their presence, or make us worry about what event will happen the next time we have them babysit (which isn't very often, a few times a year is all).
So what are your thoughts on both how my parents came across, and how to go forward with addressing their accusatory manner and establishing boundaries etc. Thanks in advance.