I've basically spent the last 24 hours realizing everything about the church online...I think I'm still kinda in shock but it's totally hitting me now that my life will never be the same again. I don't even think my life is worth living anymore, all my friends and family and members and I will literally have no one if I try to leave...please help what do I do my whole world is crumbling apart around me and I just don't want to live after reading these things anymore everything I've though for the last 19 years is a total lie...
It will be a challenge at times, trying to work out things that will change and finding a new way to live life, it does get better. Many that have left feel the same type of things, new freedoms and expressions. Like many who have left, I am far more happy in life now, a real type of happiness and love for life. Talk with others, share feelings and thoughts and embrace this road ahead!
Bree, take a deep breath, in---out---. You are not alone, despite how you might feel such in your own circles. I am the only one out among my siblings, all 9 of them. Fortunately, they have adapted to my being apostate and still welcome us into their family events. Life is still every bit worth living, but you may have to create your own purpose and joy rather than having it spoon fed to you by a religion. Right now you are likely experiencing the fear of uncertainty, and the loss of your Mormon identity. It may help to think of those things as not who you really are or were, but that they were layers masking your true identity underneath. Now it is your privilege to explore who and what you really are, without being told what to believe, but being able to decide for yourself what works for you, what makes sense, and what gives you the most real peace, joy or happiness. Take it slow, or at your own pace. You don't need to "come out" as an apostate until you're ready to. Most importantly, love and take care of yourself. Check back often and let us know what you're experiencing as we most all can relate and offer tips. Here are a couple blogs that may help as well:
Preserving Mixed Faith Relationships
Sending love! A beautiful, new life is about to unfold before you. You now have the freedom to explore your true self. What an exciting adventure! Embrace this wonderful life and all the layers of discovery that it holds. You will find peace and joy, I promise.
Reading this breaks my heart. Please DO NOT DO ANYTHING DRASTIC the church is not worth dying over the church isn't worth it and would be one more thing you gave to it, especially since its a facade. I know that's its devastating finding out that what you based your life on is a lie. And can be overwhelming thinking about how family and friends will react.
I struggle with the fear of rejection and relationship's ending over my leaving the church even now and I stopped going years ago. Take it one step at a time one day at or a time or even one minute at a time. Don't rush into anything and don't tell anyone until you're ready.
Its so overwhelming when you first find out its feels like someones knocked the wind out of you like your whole world is crashing down around you. But it does get better and this and other online support sites can be very helpful there's one that offers a mentor service to support people in this critical time its either recovery from mormonism or post mormon.
You are not alone just look at all of the people on this site. And you haven't done anything wrong. The church has by not being honest.
We have all had to cope through discovering different truths about the church that have turned our worlds upside down. Go slow give yourself time to process it allow yourself to be upset but be gentle and kind to yourself. Don't blame yourself you were betrayed and its normal to feel the way your feeling.
I'm glad you found this site when I first tried to leave in 2005 there was no online support group so it was very challenging. I can not possibly know how you are feeling but I felt alone and that their was no one that I could trust to talk about my feelings and my discoveries or that would understand. Please please take care, I hope this is helpful and does not cause more pain.
Dear Bree, I know you dont know me but I want you to know that we do care (those of us who have been through this just like you). I have found that this group (or anyone who is an exmo) has the same emotional connection with me because we HAVE been through the big let down. On the flip side, once u get through the fog of feeling deceived and letdown, the other side is very clear and free feeling......like free from a huge burden. It is true that the truth shall set u free. Allow yourself to grieve because it is very disappointing but also allow yourself to be free and experience the elation and love life has top offer....Life is so great and worth looking at through new, clear eyes! Wade
Just a side note...
Have you ever been to ldschat.com before bree? I knew someone there with that name several years ago who chatted there and I talked to her quite a few times.
If not, sorry for spoiling the mood. Carry on.
no sorry, never been to that site before.
I was pissed, and angry and went through all kinds of horrible thoughts and feelings when I found out that my entire 31 years was a lie. Then I went through it again when I realized that I couldn't back out of some of the decisions I made with the mormon woman mindset. But then I realized a couple things.
I stood there, with my entire life proverbially in pieces at my feet. Depressed enough that I couldn't think straight. I needed something to be not a lie. I asked myself what part of me was me and not mormon-me. There were a few things I could come up with right away, so I "picked up" those pieces. Coincidentally, they were the things that I had been having a hard time reconciling because they were against gospel or against popular mormon opinion, but I couldn't drop them because they were too much a part of who I was in my core.
As time has gone on, I've found more 'pieces' of who I am. I still have a lot that I'm thinking through, and I still get royally pissed off pretty often. I've only been out a year, but right now my take on it is along the lines of "you think you know how I'm supposed to live my life?!?!" Watch me live it better than you ever will, or ever thought I could you a$$holes!"
I get to decide every single aspect of what's right for me and no one else. Most people, mormon or not, don't get that chance to rebuild from the bottom up because how they're living their lives is "ok" for them. They've never had an experience that's shaken them enough to give them that epiphany.
You have a right to feel what you're feeling now but don't take any drastic actions. If you're in a situation where you don't have shelter, or if your family is going to kick you out for not believing, ask for help on the exmormon boards. Give yourself time to feel the feelings that the morg has taught you to suppress your entire life. Then, when you are a little more emotionally stable, decide what pieces of your life you want to pick up and keep, and what pieces you want to make new. Good luck.
thanks everybody for those words of encouragement...I'm not sure if I'll be on the boards a whole lot yet because I think I need some time for myself to really think and figure out who I am before I talk about it a lot. but thanks for being supportive and letting me know I have a place to go when I'm ready to talk :)
Knowledge for me was what helped me through the hardest of times. I'll tell you something that helped me most, was realizing that the 6 billion other people in the world weren't wrong because they weren't mormons and that I don't have to judge. I finally felt what its like to make decisions on my own, truly on my own and not out of fear but through reason. You have nothing to loose only everything to gain.
Bree after the emotional turmoil is over for many people, they realize their life ends up being more worth living than it ever was before.
I understand your worries about losing your friends and family members, but it is unlikely that you will lose all of them, even though there is the possibility that some won't accept you for who you are, but the ones who have mutual feelings towards you may be upset for awhile and temporary shun you away emotionally for awhile but will come around eventually.
The friends I lost from leaving the church mostly were friends I haven't had in awhile except for social networking, but when they weren't willing to put me not believing in the church anymore aside I didn't consider them my friends anymore anyway.
As far as not having anyone anymore is concerned... If nearly all your friends are LDS then that says to me that you live in an LDS dominated town (which I do not) which means that there are probably many former members as well who have support groups in your area where you can easily make new friends. Just consider that if you are realistically thinking that if you leave you will have no one. I live all the way out in South Carolina, yet I have many friends via the internet in the Utah, CA, and AZ areas, many of which I met in person out in Salt Lake back in October. I see that you're in Canada, and I met some people from there as well so you likely will have some locals that you can befriend as well. Canada also seems like a pretty secular area so you can find people of other religions that have left their faith as well that have meetup groups.