So, as I've released myself from TSCC my opinion on many things has changed, sometimes dramatically... as I'm sure many of you can relate.

I was wondering about other people's thoughts on porn... have they stayed the same? altered somewhat? changed completely?  Or what?

I have mixed feelings about this subject and want some help sorting it out.

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Luminescent, Thanks for sharing that.  This is one complication of porn that no one on LAM has wanted to delve into.  It's all been about them having more fun now that they aren't mormons.  Well, porn can and is very addicting, and any psychologist will tell you so.

My ex TBM hubby and I went through several bouts of LDS counseling sessions concerning this issue.  Never once did a counselor tell him that he had an addiction.  Here's the advice we got, "Pay your tithing," "Work harder in your Priesthood calling," "Support your husband in his Priesthood," "Attend the temple more often,"  "Imagine that your Grandma can see you while you're viewing pornography, Would you do it in front of her?" and the kicker, placing the burden of his behavior on me, "You need to make the home a peaceful place that he wants to be!"  In conclusion, if I was a good Molly wifey then he would change. 

Funny that this was before we had internet in our home. 

 

 

I don't have a problem with porn, per se, but I haven't found any that kept my interest very long. 

 

Here's what is a huge turn off: 

1) Unrealistic bodies: huge boobs, penis, gorgeous girl with goofy looking guy (seriously, are there no cute porn guys!?)

2) No condom - no glove and it just disgusts me because all I can think about is the actors are putting themselves at unnecessary risk. If a guy can't perform with a condom he should find a different job.

3) Demeaning role-play -- watching a guy treat a woman like an object is just revolting and completely unsexy. A LOT of porn fits into this category. I find it highly disturbing that so many men are attracted to porn where the man is portrayed as overly aggressive and the woman as submissive -- and I believe that whatever draws men to this type of porn is the same thing that justifies them objectifying women in their real lives.

 

Here's what I'd like to find:

1) A normal looking woman and normal looking man (or whatever combination)

2) Portraying a healthy, loving relationship that pleasures each other equally

 

So far, the only thing I've found that comes close is amateur porn made by couples at home

LOL!  Nice point, Blue skies

Wow... great discussion everyone!

Thank you for all your comments.

I agree that porn can be detrimental to a marriage.  I think that when it becomes addictive or if it's done in secret, it would be very damaging.  I have had experience dealing with a spouse and porn... though not on the level of serious addiction.  Any behavior that takes away from the marriage is wrong to me. 

I think that for some marriages porn can add to the sexual relationship, when used in moderation or less (lol).

I appreciate all the responses!

Cary, Persons with NPD do indeed have the ability to get therapy and moderate their behavior.  They can be made to see how destructive their behavior is.  Especially in light of a divorce, and other unhappy situations in their lives.  While they aren't necessarily born with this disorder, and it can and usually is fed on during a lifetime, they can be made to see that they truly are assholes of an urgent nature.

"assholes of an urgent nature"    that pretty much nails it! 

To get back on topic, I understand that porn was not really the problem here, only a complicating factor which is why I don't see it as necessarily wrong or evil, just dangerous for some people under certain circumstances. 

It seems like exmos like to drag the porn issue into the next century.  It's old, been around forever, haven't found anyone here who wants their daughters making a living doing it, won't find anyone here who will fess up to being treated for an addiction, and mostly find sophomoric type comments about sex since none was had in high school.  Com on guys, we can do better than this.  I don't want an addict for a husband, don't need someone looking at girlie magazines to get his dick hard so he can service me, don't need to look at it myself to orgasm, never did, but if it's your bag baby, go for it.  Just don't try to continue justifying it like it's somehow the church's fault you never figured out your sexuality.  Because mine was going just fine while in the church, and most people raise their kids with the notion of not having sex until marriage.
I remember telling my husband I wanted a divorce because I hated him.  I told him did he actually think I was going to hang around forever and take his shit?  It was a bad conversation, and a bad time in both our lives, and I wish I'd handled it differently for the sake of my kids.
In the heat of the moment, with all the hurt swirling about, it is hard to handle things in the best way. You did the best you could. You've obviously been hurt and degraded by others porn addictions and you didn't deserve to be treated like that. {{{BIG HUGS}}}
Bar, I'm sure my remarks come across as being representative of how I feel about most.  I apologize if that's the case.  I know not all who participate in porn, or who frequent strip places have addictions.  I just know of the damage that can be caused to relationships when there is an addiction present, and how would we would feel if we have such a problem. And I personally think most teen boys look at girlie magazines as a right of passage.  I know my son did, and I pretty much gave up on trying to find them in his room and get rid of them.  Don't ask me where he got them, as an underaged boy.  I caught him once masturbating, and immediately left the room.  Never brought it  up, but did always keep a box of condoms on his shelf.  I also remember looking at Playgirl magazines with my friends when I had my first apartment.  It was a hoot.  We laughed and smoked weed and talked about it for weeks.  Again, probably a right of passage. From talking to other women, I know that being married to a man who prefers porn over her is a tremendous blow, and to think it's not a huge problem in society is to cover one's eyes. I do think it's something both partners should agree on, because it could be a real deal breaker if you both don't agree.  I don't want it in my house, but I wouldn't kick my husband out, or have screaming fests with him if he brought it home.  You said point to specific comments.  I'm not going to name anyone I know.  That could be devastating.  But they've talked of what happened in their marriages as far as their own intimacy issues were concerned, and I'm going to validate those issues, and would hope that the men here would as well.  Statistically speaking, I think we'd find people here in the category of sexual addiction.  I think it's a part of society that' just plain there, and I say fine, as long as you aren't married and trying to make that relationship work sans other women in the bedroom.
Bar, Too soon to be posting, I know, but I might not get back here for a while as it's Sunday, church day, and a day with my kids.  You obviously haven't dealt with addiction in your life.  My son has been clean and sober just over 3 months now, an alcoholic for many many years, and I think sex addiction is just like any other as far as being overcome by it, and somehow letting it go.  Many never do.  I never expected my son too, and in the back of my mind just accepted him the way he was, because you can't nag someone into  not drinking.  It was the unexpected pregnancy of his girlfriend that somehow, miraculously, turned things around as far as responsibility.  But there are as many addiction groups for sex addicts as there are for alcoholics, narcotics addicts, anorexics, let the list go on.  And that's been the focus of my posting.  You need not take it personal, but I do know women who had to live through situations where their husbands preferred masturbating to magazines than having sex with them.  And it was devastating.  That's all I've been trying to put out there.  And I had a girlfriend once who danced for a living, and she wound up hating men.  You can talk till you are blue in the face, but healthy much of this stuff is not.

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