From the time I was very young, I have been beat on, had my locker in the public orphanage covered with threats that I was going to get my behind kicked etc. Of course, being a Mormon Citizen I did not think that the other Mormon Citizens, would consider doing anything so very anti-Christ. At first I thought that it was one of the bully boys from the football club, that I refused to associate with and date. It was strange knowing that there was a mob wanting to annihilate me, yet I was not sure who it, or they were. Was I nervous about the situation? Yes. Some of my "loser" Mormon Friends, had their lockers blown up, by one of the Cliques from The Mormon Social Club. Of course, this did not make the news, and was never allowed to be addressed, as if it had never happened.
I asked one of my Brother's friends to keep an eye on my locker when I left, to see if I could identify who the thugs were. I told him that it had to be some of the mean bullies from the football squad, or some one else that had not been pleased with my response, when I chose not to date him. Later in the day, my Brother's friend told me who was sending me these "Love" notes. It turned out that it was a group of Mormon females, including the daughter of a Bishop, who had been told to stay away from me, because I was a bad influence, coming from Garden City, which the Upper Crust from the Mormon Social Club referred to as Garbage City.
At first I was stunned. Then my heart sank. I had thought they were my friends. I had never done anything to them, except express myself and my view of the world. Perhaps they were offended that I had no desire to run to the parking lot at morning break to drink alcohol with them, which they had hidden in their cars. Or I cared more about my health, then to smoke cigarettes and smoke marijuana. I also thought it was uncalled for, when they disrespected and belittled those who were not of the same Social Club Church that they belonged to, or the way they snickered at and demeaned those who had less financially etc. then they did.
During lunch, a rather large group of them, both male and female, would sit at long tables in the cafeteria, that I called The Mormon Social Club Tables. Even though most of them were cordial with me, I knew...and they knew... that we were from different worlds. Most of the time, during lunch I either sat alone in the hallway, or with others who were not part of one of the little cliques, that are part of the bully infested social clubs, in schools. I did not think like them. They did not represent what I stood for, and they and their distorted doctrine or leaders, could never in reality ever stand in my place, in order that they could represent the Divine Being that is Me. Sadly, we could never be of one heart and mindset. Is it not so very obvious that we came here on different Spiritual Ships, and we will leave on different Spiritual Ships. They to a world, created with their ideals in mind, and me...back to My Own.
I have to say, that getting denied and shunned for expressing the various emotional lights of my Wholly Spirit is not a happy feeling. It is quite disheartening really. As is normal and natural, all individuals desire to have complimentary companions, advocates and friends. Like so many of the females from my Wholly Family, this is our main reason for choosing to have children of our own. No one truly desires to be alone, or to be lonely. Yet when one is not a complementary fit, to various cliques, such as the Mormon Social Club/Church, Mormon Apologetic Forum, and Post Mormon Forum, each encounter of censorship, banning, and having to be so very careful about everything that is in your justified nature to say and do, is quite exhausting, and no matter how small or large the group, the one who is not of the mindset of the Clique, is very alone.
For me, these situations and many, many others I have been made part of, are like Deja Vu.. Each sad experience seems to feed on and enlarge the other in my mind, and the emotional and physical pain I experience, sends messages to my Wholly Spirit, wherein I think...here we go again. Fortunately for each of us, our time in this atmosphere, is only so long, then we are gone, as if we had never arrived. These things and these people, are far away and behind us, like a bloody rag, that no longer has any use, and is thrown away and burned in the incinerator.