Saturday and Sunday begins the celebration Mormons and Postmormons look forward to with great anticipation: General Conference. Mormons look forward to it because they believe they are getting God's will from on high. If that's true, God must be this guy:
I say that, because of the obsessive repetition of the same ideas and concepts each and every conference. "Definitely pay your tithing, definitely, definitely tithing ..."
Anyway, I have fond memories from conferences past. When I was at BYU, I used to travel up for at least one session, usually sitting outside on the grounds by the tabernacle. I felt up my then-girlfriend (now wife) inside the Tabernacle while ETB was speaking. I also have fond memories from some amazing naps I've taken while watching. There's something about those voices and the sheer tedium that drops you into a deep, coma-like state. Even my wife (who is a believer) will say, "Conference naps are the best naps."
Anyway, when I first stopped believing, I would wait for some big announcement at conference: two-hour block, we admit it's all a fraud, or really just anything. But no. Nothing exciting happens at conference. Instead, we have to wait for a faux pas like BKP's now edited rant from last October.
So, even though I don't drink, I have come up with a list of items to use in playing a GC drinking game. Depending on one's constitution, one will likely be hammered fairly quickly. Here is my list of words/cues to take a drink while watching General Conference:
I think that's it for my list. Anyone else? I was going to add "Boyd K. Packer uses force lightning" but we know he never does that in public.
Pollypinks, is "Jesus, Joseph, and Mary" a saying that Catholics use? You were a Catholic once, weren't you? I've heard it used a few places, especially in movies, and always found it quite amusing. I think it was used by the grandfather of the female star in "Return to Me". Are you familiar with that movie?
Also, I like your funny face with the talking hand/mouth?. Where do you get them? Nevermind, I found them.
Congratulations on being your dad's favorite. If you ever feel a need for more interaction with TBMs, you can go over to Nampa and visit my family. Tell them you met me on LAM. I'm sure they'll welcome you with open arms.