Saturday and Sunday begins the celebration Mormons and Postmormons look forward to with great anticipation: General Conference. Mormons look forward to it because they believe they are getting God's will from on high. If that's true, God must be this guy:

 

I say that, because of the obsessive repetition of the same ideas and concepts each and every conference. "Definitely pay your tithing, definitely, definitely tithing ..."

 

Anyway, I have fond memories from conferences past. When I was at BYU, I used to travel up for at least one session, usually sitting outside on the grounds by the tabernacle. I felt up my then-girlfriend (now wife) inside the Tabernacle while ETB was speaking. I also have fond memories from some amazing naps I've taken while watching. There's something about those voices and the sheer tedium that drops you into a deep, coma-like state. Even my wife (who is a believer) will say, "Conference naps are the best naps."

 

Anyway, when I first stopped believing, I would wait for some big announcement at conference: two-hour block, we admit it's all a fraud, or really just anything. But no. Nothing exciting happens at conference. Instead, we have to wait for a faux pas like BKP's now edited rant from last October.

 

So, even though I don't drink, I have come up with a list of items to use in playing a GC drinking game. Depending on one's constitution, one will likely be hammered fairly quickly. Here is my list of words/cues to take a drink while watching General Conference:

 

  • Monson quotes a song
  • Monson quotes a poem
  • Monson says the word "widow"
  • Monson says the word "Tommy"
  • Monson refers to the time he was a Bishop/SP/Mission President
  • Use of alliteration
  • Someone says "edify"
  • Someone says "supernal"
  • Someone uses the word "even" before saying Jesus Christ or Jesus the Christ
  • The camera focuses on someone of color (Lamanites don't count)
  • The congregation laughs way too hard at what is, at best, smirk worthy
  • Richard G. Scott stares creepily at the camera
  • It occurs to you that Robert D. Hales is probably Colin Mochrie's evil twin
  • Henry Eyering cries
  • Someone uses the word "so-called"

 

I think that's it for my list. Anyone else? I was going to add "Boyd K. Packer uses force lightning" but we know he never does that in public.

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Anyone left alive wins! 
"Tithing" and "Blessing(s)" should be added!!!!
Funny!  Thanks.
Yep, you are AWESOME!  I only wish I had come up with this myself.  Going to post it to FB ASAP. :) Disaffected
But this would mean we'd have to WATCH conference....;)
Good point Shuga.  Def ,definitely, definitely good point.
I drink alot, maybe even to excess, but Jesus, even I don't have enough booze in the house to make it through that game.
How about one person watches conference and tells us what to drink? not it!
You still watch this stuff?
I was rather proud of myself for initially forgetting that it is conference weekend.
Jesus, Joseph, and Mary, Did conference creep up on me that fast?  I'll be getting my daily phone call from dad, between sessions, and he'll be telling me the good ones to watch, and I'll say, "Okay, I'll be sure and do that," and he'll know I'm lying through my teeth.  It's interesting that none of my 4 other siblings get any of this shit thrown at them, and then my brother reminds me it's because I'm dad's favorite.  Gee, ain't that a good thing?  At least he reads my Pastor's blogs on her sites of her sermons, and calls me to tell me he's agreed with her 100% once again.  It's the social justice factor in my family that does it.

Pollypinks, is "Jesus, Joseph, and Mary" a saying that Catholics use?  You were a Catholic once, weren't you?  I've heard it used a few places, especially in movies, and always found it quite amusing.  I think it was used by the grandfather of the female star in "Return to Me".  Are you familiar with that movie?

 

Also, I like your funny face with the talking hand/mouth?.  Where do you get them?  Nevermind, I found them.

 

Congratulations on being your dad's favorite.  If you ever feel a need for more interaction with TBMs, you can go over to Nampa and visit my family.  Tell them you met me on LAM.  I'm sure they'll welcome you with open arms.  

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