When you take your marriage vows, you make a promise or a covenant to your spouse.  It is a marriage contract, an agreement between two parties to love honor and cherish.  In a perfect world the vows are never broken and the couple lives happily ever after.  In the real world, people cheat on their spouses. In some cases the cheat and leave the marriage and go on with their lives.  In other cases the try very hard not to get caught in order to protect the business of marriage from failing or for many other reasons.

The person who cheats always becomes the villain. The argument being that cheating broke the marriage vows and the cheating party violated the marriage agreement and ruined the marriage.  In every case I know of where this has occurred, the cheating spouse was seen as the villain.

 I find it odd that people don’t look at the rest of the marriage contract or vows.  In a case I am familiar with the husband abused his wife physically, sexually and emotionally.   She did not have the financial means or family support to extract herself from the situation.  When she left her husband and people learned she had cheated, she was treated terribly while her spouse was surrounded by support, even from her family.

I know of husbands who physically and emotionally abused their wife. They seemed more affected by the cheating than anyone else, and yet they broke the wedding vows in a more violent and extreme way than the ones who cheated.  My opinion is that abuse by a husband is a control issue. The loss of control of their spouse and their inability to keep that control seems to almost destroy them from within.

Is cheating on your spouse really more of a violation of the wedding vows than being an abusive spouse?   In every case I’m aware of where cheating occurred, the party that attracted all of the sympathy was in fact the villain. I am curious to know other peoples thoughts on this subject.  



Devil Bar Kokhba 

Views: 1593

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hey Jenny,

I'm responding to this part.

Ok Devil Bar, so what you are saying is that the likes of say Emma Smith for instance, caused the marriage to break up first with her verbal, mental or physical abuse to Joseph

I used to think I had an ability to communicate clearly, but from your response I realized I am wrong. Certainly I do not think what Emma did justified what Joseph did. Frankly, I never saw Emma as a bad person. She was in an impossible situation.  My point was that the cheating is often the end result of other marriage vows broken by the spouse who may not have cheated. 

Thanks for commenting.

Devil Bar

By using the example of Emma, I was trying to make a clear stand for those who do not break the marriage vows first and go through terrible betrayals even while continuing to forgive. Let's say Emma found a man, and cheated on Joseph to get out of that bad marriage. I don't think she would have done such a thing because of her covenants to God and because she just knows its not right. Why have sex with another person? I was not saying you had an opinion on Emma, I like to use analogies. We are all very aware of what she went through. Negative or bad things others do to me does not give me free license to break my covenants and lower my moral standards. I know others have a different opinion, but mine is that if a person is in a bad marriage that can not be fixed, they should walk away. I appreciate your point about the woman you knew who couldn't extract herself from that marriage. There are women's resource centers, did she have friends? People who knew her? It is unfortunate that others are judging her as a villain though. Peace to you.

1. mislead, dupe, delude; gull, con; hoax, fool.

Cheat, deceive, trick, victimize refer to the use of fraud or artifice deliberately to hoodwink or obtain an unfair advantage over someone.

Cheat implies conducting matters fraudulently, especially for  unjustified profit to oneself

Deceive suggests deliberately misleading or deluding, to produce misunderstanding or to prevent someone from knowing the truth: to deceive one's congregation or an innocent unknowing individual.

To trick is to deceive by a stratagem, often of a petty, crafty, or dishonorable kind: to trick someone into signing a note, paying tithes to a church, or taxes to a gang of thieves, that call themselves a government.

 To victimize is to make a victim of; the emotional connotation makes the cheating, deception, or trickery seem particularly dastardly: to victimize  an innocent or one who is unarmed. Like the church courts and political governments do everyday.

 8. swindler, trickster, sharper, dodger, charlatan, fraud, fake, phony, mountebank. 9. imposture, artifice, trick, hoax.

To cheat is to defraud, and swindle. To encourage someone to place their safety in your hands as you cheat, lie  to, decieve  and defrud that individual is called cheating. To abuse and belittle someone who you have led to believe that you would cover over and protect is called cheating.

A fraud; swindle deception. THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS...also known as MORMONISM has and does defraud, swindle, cheats and plunders all individuals and families whom it claims to care for and protect.

This establishment of plunder and crime censors what can be spoken of in it's meeting houses, saying that no one can question authority, and even claims it has the right to tell its victims/congregations that they need to repent.

I suppose the leaders believe that freedom of speech is only for those who are in an aggressive possition of tyranical authority over those whom they have robbed in tithes, offerings and unpaid/slave labor.

In Jusified Law, Chating is the fruadulent obtaining of another's property by pretense or trickery. I will add that stealing the labors of another without due compensation is also cheating, along with plunder.

An imposter is called a cheater. A pretender. The Churches who claim they are faithful to the genuine and justified mission and purpose of Christ, who have built up kingdoms of unrighteousness with the slave labor and plunder of families are imposters, cheaters, pretenders and opposite of the true and genuine purpose of the mission of Christ.

The originator of a violent act of cheat, has laid down the first blast in an act of war. All other actions are merely responses to the first act.  Abuses and bullying are the first cards in a violent act of cheat. These are actions of war, the bully is in a postion to manipulate and abuse in some way. What takes place to those who are the bullies, is merely secondary to the original sin, which was the first warring card.

I am on your side Devil Bar .. but not always ... many men cheat because they have sexual desire for other women .. that is why they invent religions the like Joseph Smith did .. finding all lame excuses to do so

There is always two sides to the story and some where in the middle lies the truth ...


Our Stories

Follow us on
Facebook & Twitter

Videos |Stories |Chat |Books |Store |Forum
Your Donations are appreciated
and help to promote and fund LAM.
Make a Donation

Privacy Tip: Setting your profile/My-Page visibility to "Members Only" will make your status updates visible to members only.

Community Links



  • Add Videos
  • View All

We are an online social community of former mormons, ex-mormons, ex-LDS and sympathizers. Stay C.A.L.M. - Community After Leaving Mormonism

© 2017   Created by MikeUtah.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service