i imagine one day mormonism will be so far behind in my life that i will not care for it anymore, no more spending hours on the bloggernacle, no more searching in google "lds" news to see if there is any strange thng happening to the GAs. No more Glenn Beck, no more Podcast listening, no more back of my mind thinking and comparing "what will the mormon me do in this situation"..........

I need to know if it is possible.

Do you think that former mormons can leave it really behind or is like a disease we carry always with us?

Is it healthy to know we cannot erae it or is possible to "deprogram ourselves"?


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 I know what you mean.

I have been having the same trouble.

I find myself wanting to rip the LDS church a new one "Ed Decker style" and show the world what a fake they really are.

I am obsessed with learning about the lie. It has much the same draw as a trafic accident. You ask you self how could that have happened why didn't we see.

Since sending in my letter it has subsided a lot but still I think about it more that I would like.

i think honestly i have suffered all my mormon life and now even more of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder fo some sort

thansk for the comment

I have said the same thing many times.  I truly believe that a lot of us do have a form of PTSD.  Think of those times when a hymn or a picture of a temple -- or anything like that -- instantly triggers rage, depression, or something unidentifiable.  I think one of the hardest strikes against recovering Mormons is the fact that we learned full well how to stuff feelings and rage, and now during the recovering we keep doing the same thing with our feelings, rage, pain, etc. and therefore we "keep on keepin" all of it instead of allowing it to surface.  The sooner things surface and we let ourselves go through it to the other side, the sooner we'll put some things behind us.  I know I still have lots of rage inside of me -- I was dealing with a very difficult marriage all the years I slid towards hating the church -- and my "stuffing ability" was very well honed.  Even today, 10 years after leaving, I still "stuff", and still put up with treatment from some people that's just plain not good for me. So the "journey" continues.....

I think that some people, especially if they leave the church quite young, can get to a point where it is almost immaterial to them.  But....for those who spent 50 years in the church, raised all their kids in it, etc. -- it is a much different process, and no -- I don't think these people can escape Mormonism.  As is true for most Mormons, my children's conversations are so "mormon-centric", and when I am in their homes, it's all around me.  It also presents plenty of opportunities to test my self-control, as it is very hard sometimes to keep oneself from commenting on one thing or another -- from insane rules they and their children are following to some situation that shows me how damaging the whole social/cultural situation really is.


I feel no guilt for the way I live my life now -- but I often feel sensitive to what my children think about it.  Hence, it's always with me.  Some "Mormon" thing will probably always hover around the edges of my life.  I am resolved to that, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't LIKE to be able to go a week without thinking about it -- or two, or three!



haha i think i need mental vacations of mormonism too. But i think wil lalways be there, just as far away one day, i hope, as the day i learned about 2+2=4, i know it was in my past but i dont remember exactly when

Mormon practice is to tear down and out the individual to make the whole look good.  I have gotten over the loads of fertilizer that they fed into my brain.  The torment I went through just trying to be perfect.  Look perfect, act perfect, be perfectly, ...perfect.


I am human.  I make a deliberate decision to NOT be used by an organisation.  I will think, be and do the best I can (not perfect) and feel wonderful about it.  Salt Lake can go screw itself.  And I share this reality with all my friends.

you make me think onthe efforts i did to find deprogramation therapy, but i cannot find it, at least not where i live. I now know i wil lhave to learn to disconnect step by step. but emotionally still will trigger in me the anger of wasted years and obscure doctrination I lived, defended and fight for

But this is life, with its virtuous and its monsters i guess

I feel the same way, but I love the way you express it.  It also sounds like you are further advanced than I am.

Hello BCandfree!

I was Mormon all my life until...well, until I wasn't. The basic problem with your dilemma is it's self-induced. You admit that you consciously seek out Mormon news, anti-Mormon sites, etc. and use comparative Mormon self-talk. This is cognitive stuff that can be resolved if you use some basic tools.

Have you ever gone on a restrictive diet? Say you aren't allowed to eat sugar....what's the one thing you can't get out of your mind? Sugar! This is the same thinking with Mormonism and exiting the church. You are a PERSON, you aren't a Mormon. Who are you as a person? Do you enjoy music? Art? Do you like to read? What sorts of movies do you enjoy? This is where you need to place your focus. Figure out who you are and whenever you ask yourself "What would the Mormon in me do"--answer the question. Are they really so different, you and the Mormon you? If so, why? To shield yourself from the Mormon You is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's part of your past, part of who you are. Don't be afraid to ask yourself "Would the Mormon in me drink this Grande Mocha Latte?" If your answer is "no" then talk to yourself about it. "Why not? Because the Mormon me was brainwashed into believing that coffee is a sin. To me, sinning is XYZ, not drinking a yummy latte."

I hear your frustration--we are all taught that our religion is who we are, but it isn't. But you will always BE a former Mormon. Embrace that. It makes you unique (or not so much since members are dropping like flies). 


I no longer run anything past my Mormon self. It happens eventually. But only with time, patience and a little openness with yourself. Don't be afraid--that's something they taught you that you need to leg go of first.




The Focus on who I am as a human I think is key for me to work on right now.

thanks your comment, i am happy to say i am no longer a mormon because being a mormon was not me!. I like the point you make, of being one self, a PERSON, not a mormon. Mormonism tries to define people, and then freedom is cutted and free agency lost, despite the Church evangelization on the subject.

I like being ME, i am happier, less stressed, I listen more and i value life, love and happiness with a real perspective of enjooying the present.


Everyone has some form of PTSD post leaving the church.  Sometimes it doesn't creep up for a few years, and when it does, you get really pissed off.  I got pissed off immediately, and went through  years of not being mad, and then I'd get mad again.  And to further the misery, I'd become involved in a fundamentalist movement that had insisted I be "saved" by saying their magic words.  I'd believed them, so , when they found out my political bent and suggested I leave, I went through the same damn PTSD all over again.  I think we need to be mindful that when we first leave we are vulnerable.  And for those of us who choose to still believe in God, well, maybe just leaving it at that for a while might suffice, rather than jump head first into something that might be just as hard to get out of as mormonism was.  I think it's just okay to have whatever feelings you are having, let em' rip, so to speak, and as we do here, find others to talk to.


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