I just listened to one of the TED videos about vulnerability and finally put some of the puzzle pieces into my life "puzzle" also.
Here is the link if you want to watch the full video.
Brene Brown, who spent 10 years researching vulnerability, said one thing that resonated with me.
She said that we can't selectively numb our emotions. We can't say here's the bad stuff like guilt grief, shame, fear or disappointment, and say I don't want you! If we do, we numb the other good stuff like joy, happiness and creativity.
Being exmormons we were sick of being forced to feel like little mice running around, being kept busy so we won't think about the garbage we are forced to eat. Having left the church, we now want to celebrate our life on our terms only!!
So my question is. How do we cope with difficult emotions now that we have left the church? Do we tend still to blame others, or how are we learning to take responsibility for these emotions now??
I feel the same way. First I had to start becoming aware of what my emotions really are (like it or not), and then I've had to learn how to acknowledge and accept how they are and even observe them without guilt until I feel calm and balanced again--neutral.
Only then do I feel ready to start deciding what emotions I do want and try to create those positive states. I tried to change outer behavior and "be happy" for years without realizing awareness and acceptance as prerequisites.
I agree to an extent that we are and will always be vulnerable emotionally. But that is also called trust and sure comes in handy in human relationships. As in all things there is a proper and improper application. Trust can also be used against you. Trust me, I just want to come inside and use your telephone. Trust me and climb in the van. Trust me and believe what I am telling you. Trust me, I am a "profit" of God,let me get inside your mind at all levels. All of these people are attempting to do what they want to do using your items / emotion / etc... towards their own benefit and end. This is one of the functions of "Fast and Testimony" meetings. It re-cements and reconfirms the improper beliefs, the control of the leaders upon you and your mind. Think Jim Jones here.
You musty love and trust in life to have a successful and fulfilling life. However, spice your love and trust with your intellect as well. In human sexual relationships we do not trust the other person so much that we do not use and insist upon condoms. Our brain tells us that this behavior is not beneficial to us without a condom. The LDS Church is the same way, however, IMHO, they are so disease ridden ideologically, socially, etc... that it is better to eschew them. Exculpate yourself from them in every way. They use people in so many ways that it is a sin in its own way. Everything points to their success and they impress upon you some side benefit that you will enjoy as if it is the jmain purpose. Example: People go on Missions, sweat blood and tears, get ill, sick and sometimes die. Why, so Salt Lake can just get bigger and bigger. The cheap bastards want you to think that getting sick is such a romantic thing, ...done in the service of God. Uh, ~no.... our brains tell us that that is not the case, and deep within our mind, in that unspoken part, that part that can still think and recognize improper acts, we know it.
Love, enjoy, have a rewarding life. But don't let those self serving greedy ass bastards in Salt Lake take everything from you. Use your brain.
If you smell something, yes, something, somewhere, no matter how well hidden.... stinks. They may try to redfine it and call it fertilizer, but everything person knows what it is.
There will always be a level of anger in you. IMHO, that is really pretty normal. When someone gets deep inside you as some of us feel they have, when you are lied to, betrayed and find out later that you "bought the kit at the opportunity meeting" ...you feel bad. The social relationships that you thought you had were not as genuine as you thought. It was about power, control and money. And they usually don't use a condom or lube, if you don't mind the direct example. They use people like a sink garbage disposal, and look at you as you are somehow wrong for not liking it.
All we can do is love othes. we cannot control others, their mental images, or their motivations.All we can do is be loving, kind, generous and show them that there is life outside of the Mormon organisation, and you do not have to go out and find other distributors to get to the Celestial level. I am sure you see the example I am making., :)
Sometimes that anger might not be at anything LDS,but at the preconceived notion that you will be socially slighted, or looked down upon by those that would do the same if they had the backbone to do so. I have some anger inside as well. Actually, I have more than a little legit anger. I am even a little upset with myself for being so damned gullible. I think so many of us do. To have that anger is normal and very acceptable. It is a clarion call to intelligence to not make that same emotional response again, and to warn others of what we have experienced.
Anger, frustration, whatever it is called is normal, good, and they need to know that not everyone is as happy with them as they are with themselves.
Don, Las Vegas
Not only are you not alone, you are part of so many that feel the same way.Anger is normal, and should not be pushed back. it is your mind telling you that something iswrong. You can think, you can see and you can process information.
If it walks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck .... I don't give a damn if that self serving SOB tells you that he is inspired of God and God told him personally, "Its a pig", ~~it ain't no damned pig. Its a damned duck, and we all know it.
One of the reasons that people get angry is that LDS leaders insult your intelligence on a daily basis and act as if you are "bad" for not believing what they are stepping in. You know in your mind that this is not as they say, but you want their approval, the approval of your families, your friends and everyone else. You want the approval of the Ward and the Stake President. But, you know that it is not as they say. So, you put your head down some more, pray in anger (which is never a good thing) and get more pissed off. Yes, they do cause this anger, you are normal for feeling it, and I'd be worried if I were not angry. The fact that you are angry shows you are normal! That is a good thing!! See the up side of reality and don't join them in pushing you down in everyway.
You can achieve so many good things when you use your own mind, your own joy and your own skills. You do not need to have others that are manipulative Bastards approve or disaprove. You are a good person, you are nice to others and you validate your own decisions, actions and perceptions.
Be the best you can be! Start now! :)
I say these things in the name of common sense, :) Achew!! :)
It just bothered me so much that we were not there to learn about Christ, we were there to be a tool in others hands for their own betterment. Anytine someone tries to use guilt as a motivator it speaks to several things. First, it tells me that they are very low in Mazlows Hierarchy of needs. They lack the knowledge and ability to motivate through instruction and education. They lack it because it was never taught to them and it does not benefit them. If you can think, you can also see and you will run away like a rabbit escaping from a fox!
Just be the best you can be at all times and in all things. The vampire LDS Church, that sucks your life force wants to train you like a dog and keep you "kept". You must dance their tune as they would do it. You must love their music and tell them and others how blessed you are to have the opportunity to hear it.
You must grow and be the best you can be. You deserve it!
My life has never been better since I left the Mormon Church. My business has grown, my mind and spirit are more now than ever before. I am happier!!
When they put the Geritol Council of the Twelve and First Presidency in their casket of dirt at night I hope the sunlight of truth shine in and dissolves them. :) hahahaha They suck the blood out of your heart and mind destroying others ability to be original and be themself!! And you'd better knowhow lucky you are to have them do it to you! PALEEZE!!
Don, in Vegas