I'm interested in hearing the number one reason why everyone left the mormon church. What was the final straw that broke the camels back for you? Please be specific. I realize for most it's for various reasons, but if you could narrow it down to one or two reasons I'd really be interested in hearing about it. Was it a certain doctrine taught? Was it something from the history? Was it the way it made you feel? Did you have some kind of spiritual experience or vision telling you to leave? etc. etc. Please share. Thanks
Replies are closed for this discussion.
actually I left for a practical reason, I married a baptist girl. we went to both churches for a trial period but I decided we should be united in our church in order not to confuse upcoming children. you need to understand that I was not subject to a lot of peer or family pressure to stay in the lds church. At that time I did not know about all the details of the problems of the church. I learned a great deal more later after getting interested in the work of the Tanners at the Lighthouse ministry in slc. I was asked to resign many years later , which I did. I must tell you though that I did receive spiritual inspiration from the LDS church as a boy, which I still have. I believe you can be a mormon and a christian at the same time if you are stuck in lds society, but I couldnt worship at a church that can easily be proven a fraud.
I had plenty of doubts for awhile that I ignored and eventually it came to the point where I was inactive for so long that when I thought about going back I started to do some studies and even defended the church rather violently on social networking and facebook pages and over-time learned issues with the church that I didn't know about or only knew partially about. For example, the church admits the priesthood ban, but says it wasn't doctrinal and it was just policy and nobody really knows why. I was able to overlook that though, but many more were around the corner.
What finally did it for me was a combination of two problems that are both tied as the last straw.
One problem was the inconsistencies with the truth of polygamy and what the church says about polygamy. D&C 132 states polygamy is doctrinal and the church says it isn't doctrinal. We were told in church by some that Joseph Smith had only one wife, and by others that he had multiple wives but it was okay because it was commanded by God and he got permission from Emma.
After more research I found the truth about how many wives he really had along with the other husbands some his wives had. Then when the celestial kingdom was described to have practices of polygamy by multiple verses this sounded like a made up fantasy. I was told as a child that polygamy was necessary due to the fact that women needed to be married in order to survive and own property and fit into society. However, this was not actually mentioned as a reason for polygamy at the time it was practiced and if they married and had sexual relations with other women including already married women this line of reasoning fell flat. Therefore, it made perfect sense that this was made up entirely.
The other reason was that I could never see myself marrying a woman. The whole idea of it disgusted me and no church I could ever support would tell me that I have to plan on getting married someday in order to be worthy of salvation whether or not getting married was something I wanted to do. My plan is to adopt someday as a single parent instead when I am settled into my career after I finish college in 3-4 more years but the church considers it morally wrong to have children with no intention of finding a spouse to create a family to seal a child to. So basically discrimination against single people was the reason. If you aren't a heterosexual man who intends to get married and produce a lot of children you have no place in the church really. Growing up having to hear over and over again from friends and family in the church how if I just prey, read scriptures, and keep the commandments God would find me the right woman that I would want. However, they weren't listening to the fact that I was perfectly fine as I was and I didn't want God to fix that problem for me because I didn't think it was a problem that needed fixing. It got to the point where I felt as if I was talking to a wall and couldn't confide this to anyone in the church anymore because their answer was always the same.
When these two issues got to my head and I could no longer ignore them, it eventually got me to stop putting a wall up blocking all the rest of the doubts I had which was the last straw for me.
Many of the Ex-Mormon Videos had already been created during this time so I was able to watch some of those and find comfort that others had similar stories to mine.
The straw that broke the camel's back for me?
I was extremely devout and loved the temple and doing work for my ancestors. I was a convert and only person in my adopted line who was LDS so I was told this was my mission in life and I took it VERY seriously. One Sunday afternoon I watched a program about the Masons. I was mortified to learn that everything I held near 'n dear to my heart was a rip-off from the Masons. That popped my balloon and broke my shelf of cog dis. That was the ultimate turning point.
HYPOCRASY without a doubt. I remember all growing up how people preached and preached about behaving one way but acted completely different.
The cult mentality got to me too. I am not a robot and as a young mormon woman their were no options in that church to be anything but robotic....the LDS church is a HUGE cult with a lot of followers who lead some screwed up lives and blame God for it...not for me.
The temple creeped me out too. I went twice, once when I was sealed to my jackass ex-husband and once alone, that was enough for me..weird, weird, weird.
I love being free, but wish my family and friends would love me for me and not for being their "missionary project".
My boyfriend, long time boyfriend and still is my boyfriend, was the one who started questioning the history of the church and the numerous contradictions in it. At first I thought he was crazy but when he made me read, made me open my mind to the possibility that the church wasn't...true I suppose, it was like a flood gate had been opened. Also, the story of Joseph Smith's first plural wife, Fanny, was...I don't know why but it really bothered me for a lot of reasons.
I think the final straw though was when my parents forbid me from seeing my boyfriend and I was encouraged by the church to break up with him. We'd been together for three years and when we'd gotten together we were a "perfect match" but because he had questions I was supposed to break up with him? So I left home, left the church and have never felt more myself.
In short, I left because my spiritual views had changed rapidly over a period of a couple weeks and suddenly I didn't fit in Mormonism anymore. Despite reading my scriptures daily, along with the plethora of daily prayers during that time, I left the church emotionally and mentally in just one day. I didn't know at the time I left why the church wasn't true, and what skeletons were in the closet. I waited 2 more weeks before deciding I should look into why the church wasn't true. For a long version of my exit from Mormonism, you can read my exit story here.
The trigger that opened my eyes was realizing that my spiritual experiences didn't necessary mean that the church was true. People in other religions (and no religion) have similar spiritual experiences and interpret them completely differently, and there was no easy way to reconcile that.
By the way, today I finally announced publicly that I left the church, along with a document that explains my journey out of the church. Feel free to check it out, comment, or share it. Thanks!
I am 57 years old, and when I decided to leave the church in my early 20’s. Some of it was because the bishop was stalking me at work, threatening to ex-communicate me if I did not come back into the arms of the church.
I was a hippy, and at that time I wanted to “party” like there was no tomorrow, I wanted to drink and I wanted to have sex and I wanted to do anything I wasn’t suppose to do in the eyes of the church.. I wasn’t married ( I was married at 17 divorced at 19) and I didn’t want to be with anyone.
Anway back to the bishop, he called me at work, called me at home, literally hunted me down everywhere I went saying: “ I must come and talk to him.” I guess my partying and carrying on was disturbing to the members of the church.
Well I did go and talk to him, I told him to take my name off the books of the church. Then he told me terrible things would happen to me if I left the church. I think my family members (all LDS at the time) were literally waiting for my skin to fall off or my head explode, after I was no longer of the LDS faith.
Well none of those bad things happened, I still believe in god and have a spiritual soul, just not of the LDS faith. Actually I was a better mormon after I left the church, I just couldn’t do it when the men folk wanted me to. I could never figure out why they wanted to know about my sex life all the time, it was just too much.
I stopped going to church after my father sent in his letter of resignation. I love science and appreciated learning about how the universe and life really came about, despite a seminary teacher telling me that someday I would change my mind when I learned the truth. I didn't believe that I needed to wear "holy underwear" when shorts and tanktops suited me much better. Knew about some of the misdeeds of Mormon leaders and didn't see the importance of the Book of Mormon or most of the bible. I felt a spiritual presence in my life, but didn't need the help of a bishop or stake president (as so many of them had their own issues they were unable to deal with well). Skipped testimony meeting, relief society and quiet often sunday school in favor of talking to other people in the hallway or going home early. I had (and still have) friends that made church bearable-even though there were some subjects I knew I could not talk about with them. I know I'm long winded, but to answer the question, I finally had the freedom to leave the church when my family stopped going and I was no longer obligated to go.
It's been good reading all the different reasons folks cite for their last straw that sent them packing from the LDS church. I guess I can't truly say I've left the church since I haven't officially resigned to Greg Dodge, although I lost all faith in the truthfulness of the church 5 yrs ago. I'm the only doubter in a many generation family of sincerely TBMs, including my DW who has re-doubled her efforts to be the best Molly Mormon in the world to compensate for my rebellion. I've held most every calling in the ward a guy can have short of bishop, so my 4 grown TBM kids and family are wondering how their Dad can have lost it so completely.
I have a degree in Science and have always leaned to the real world and less upon the spiritual world. So I suppose the final straw was the debunking of the PoGP and phony evidence supporting the BofM. Not to mention all the things asking me to suspend my knowledge of the real world to embrace the weird and wacky impossibilities the church calls spiritual events and/or church history. That an angel with a drawn sword would command JS to marry other mens' wives and teenagers guaranteeing their families' residence in the celestial kingdom seems to fly in the face of the premise of "Free Agency" the church claims is the foundation of the plan of salvation.
It just all fell apart for me. Even though my family respects most anything else I've researched and supported in a temporal manner, they think I'm crazy-stupid for applying my powers of reason and common senses to my evaluation of the church's veracity.
Im sorry you felt alone, and hope you feel like you have real "brothers and sisters" (/friends, lol) now. The "brothers and sisters" quip is the thing that irritates me the most. We're all brothers and sisters--we're a species for god's sake!!!
I was a member for 22 years. I had a witness to join the church and have had experiences during my membership. i moved from my home chapel to a rural branch 250 miles away. my god they are crazy......... I have been bullied,lied to, treated as inferior as I am again a single female. I learned about the 2nd endowment/calling and election made sure. it has to be done in mortality, so Ian never 'get there' as my husband is dead. it was for all menbers however the 'leaders' decided there was not enough time/people to perform this rite so deemed it for the elite only..with a few exceptions. I am tired of cop outs like..'the lord will sort it out', 'dont worry about it'...we dont know everything'. there are so many inconsistencies...in the doctrine....Kolob...JS found it...why cant science? Nephi killing Laban which makes him a murderer (thou shalt not kill) polygamy...its abhorrent to most normal women even in arab countries....Mary and HF begatting Jesus....after the manner we were (Brigham Young discourses) makes HF an adulterer and Mary a fornicator. the list is endless. I must have been desperate all those years ago. they are SO nasty once you leave.